We all know about Netflix. You rent a movie, they mail it to you, you keep it until you watch it (or realize you'll never get around to watching it), mail it back, and then get another movie.
There is (I swear I am not making this up) a sex toy business based on the same idea. It's called Rent-A-Dildo.com
Basically, you pay $19 a month. You pick out whatever sex toy floats your boat. Use it to your heart's (or whatever) content. And then send it back and request another. You can have one sex toy out at a time unless you join their premium service (called the "Golden Dildo Plan", I swear to God!).
The site even says "Each toy is tested for quality and performance before it is added to our collection." Unfortunately, it doesn't show you a picture of the tester ("Hey Pa, see if the cow likes this one!"). If you party hard you can also pay for the "extra batteries" option.
So the sex toy that you've had up in your body parts gets sent to someone else, and you get to use a sex toy that's been up in somebody (or something) else's naughty bits.
It's been roughly 150 years since Louis Pasteur and Robert Koch proved the germ theory of disease pretty conclusively, but hey, I suppose it could still be wrong. Maybe STD's are just from bad humors and demons, like the ancients believe.
But fear not! The site says "We've developed a patent-pending process for thoroughly cleaning each toy before it is sent out to a customer." I mean, they certainly could be doing something pretty advanced (anything less would be bad for business), but details aren't listed. For all you know they could just be soaking them overnight in a kiddie pool filled with water and bleach. Or running them through a dishwasher. Or wiping them off with a paper towel and doing a quick sniff test. Or maybe the "patent-pending process" involves somebody else's fetish.
I wonder if they have a recommendations feature, like Netflix or Amazon?: "Since you previously enjoyed the 'Black Mamba Rabbit' you may want to try the 'Rabid Jungle Rhino'."
Are future product lines going to include rent-a-toothbrush, rent-a-condom, and rent-a-tampon?
The site also features this notice , which Dr. Grumpy doesn't have the nerve to put up here in it's entirety.