Monday, October 8, 2018

Time out

All right, gang. I'm going to have to take a few weeks off here. We're now entering the heart of the high school marching band competition season, and between my day job and band meetings, band fundraisers, band shows, band-aids, band trips, rubber bands, and band saws I need to take some time off from the blog (and a lot of other stuff, too).

See you in a few weeks!

Thursday, October 4, 2018

Breaking news!

From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters bring you the stories that shape your world.


DATELINE: SANTA MARTA, COLUMBIA.

Yeimy, a married woman, and Jesus, who she'd been having a clandestine year-long affair with, decided to call Uber for a ride to a local motel they'd booked for a romantic 30 minute getaway. The helpful Uber app noted that their driver was on his way to transport them to the love nest.

Upon arriving, they piled into the back seat of his car, only to have all parties immediately realize that the driver was actually Yeimy's husband, Leonardo, who was moonlighting that night by driving for a friend.

All parties immediately exited the vehicle.

It's unknown how many stars the driver got.



DATELINE: CALIFORNIA

A group of thieves stole $18,000 worth of industrial-use GPS tracking devices from a tech company.

Upon discovering the loss, the company remotely switched them on and saw the majority of the devices were in a warehouse, while 2 were still being driving around in cars. Police had arrested all involved and recovered the devices within 6 hours.

Police also noted the thieves had drunk a few beers they'd found during the robbery. One of them cut himself in process, leaving bloody fingerprints behind as additional evidence.



DATELINE: FRANCE

From the "A horse walks into a bar" department.


Monday, October 1, 2018

Formicidae

Frank is a college freshman this year, living in a dorm. Yes, you read that correctly.

So last Thursday I'm having a typically busy day of seeing patients when a text from him crosses the top of my screen.


Frank: Dad, I need to talk to you right now. There's a big problem here.

Dr. Grumpy: I'm with a patient right now. Can it wait 15 minutes?

Frank: Yes, but hurry.

After I finished my appointment with Mrs. Freenbeen, I called Frank.

Frank: "Um, hello? Who is this?"

Dr. Grumpy: "It's Dad. You told me to call you."

Frank: "Oh, that's weird. My phone said it was a call from a doctor's office. Are you sick?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, I'm a doctor. I work here. What's up?"

Frank: "Oh, yeah. We have an emergency. Can you, like, go to the store after work and buy, like A LOT of ant bait traps and ship them to me overnight?"

Dr. Grumpy: "What's going on?"

Frank: "Me and Mike's dorm room is, like, FULL of ants. They're everywhere."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm pretty sure you can buy bug poison at the Target across the street from you."

Frank: "Yeah, but then I'd have to pay for it."

Sigh.

Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't you let the building people know about this? They can have your room sprayed."

Frank: "Mike said he'd do that... Hey, Mike, did you talk to the RA about the ants?"

(mumbling in background)

Frank: "Never mind, Dad. Mike says the RA told him they'd have it sprayed later today. Hey, why do you think we have all these ants?"

Dr. Grumpy: "When was the last time you guys took out the garbage?"

Frank: "Um... I don't think we have. But, like, we only moved in on what, August 27th? How often should we be taking it out?"

That was a month ago. WTF.

Dr. Grumpy: "I'd say at least every week, if not more."

Frank: "That's stupid. There's still plenty of room under our beds for stuff. We moved the empty fast food and pizza boxes all under Mike's bed last week, after we put the dirty cafeteria dishes and forks in the bathroom sink."

Urp.

Dr. Grumpy: "Those things are what are attracting the ants!"

Frank: "Really? Why would they want that stuff?"
 
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