Saturday, November 7, 2009
On Call, With Junkies
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"I got paid yesterday, so I thought I'd do some crack. I couldn't find my regular dealer, and I called, like, every number I had. Anyway, one of the guys I work with at BK had a friend who knew a dealer, and got me the number, so I bought some from her. But it made me all sick and shit, and that's why I ended up here. It was some seriously bad shit, and wasn't safe at all to be selling it, and that bitch should have known better. That's the whole problem with the world today. My regular dealer has a lot of integrity, but this bitch who I bought it from, I mean, it's just fucked up because a lot of people are getting into drug dealing today just for the money, and don't give a shit about customers like me. And that's just wrong."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
Singing Foo!
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Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
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2009
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November
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- Cyber Monday- The Deals Continue
- Thanks, I Didn't Think of That
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- What Part of "Closed" Are We Not Getting Here?
- In Line at Starbucks
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- This Morning, At The Hospital...
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- Thank You For Sharing
- Medical Guidelines
- Tuesday Evening, During Desert
- Averages Aren't Always Helpful
- Not a Good Sign
- Bartender, Gimme a Light
- Mary's Desk, November 23, 2009
- Sunday Night, 11:25 p.m.
- Sunday Reading
- Death and Money
- I Ain't Coming
- Random Saturday Moments
- We're Not There Yet
- You Idiot
- Progress Note Addendum
- Why Did You Decide To Become a Neurologist?
- Turkee and Grayvie! Yum!
- Holy Electric Boner Batman!
- Thursday Morning 2:48 a.m.
- That's The Way It Is
- Family Math Issues
- Dear Mr. Attorney,
- Packing Overkill
- Crap! That Hurts!
- Tuesday Morning, 1:58 a.m.
- Um, Okay...
- Damnit, Jim, I'm a Doctor, Not an Electrician
- Sunday Reading
- Suckered In
- The Germ Theory and Netflix
- Now THIS is a Christmas Tree Ornament
- Say WHAT?
- Tactful Invitations
- Beware of the Staff
- Thursday Morning, 2:23 a.m.
- Attention Female Office Staff
- Playing Stupid. And Winning.
- The VFW Visits
- Mary's Desk, November 10, 2009
- November 10, 1975
- Whatever
- Pretty Colors
- Idiocy in America
- Dear Dr. Hummingbird,
- More Junkie Logic
- Not Helpful, Either
- On Call, With Junkies
- Trying Not to Laugh
- Not Helpful
- I'll Leave Things As They Are, Thanks
- Darwin, Halloween, and the Theory of Evolution
- Cause and Effect
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- You Don't Say!
- Does Anyone Read My Notes?
- My Readers Write
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November
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30 comments:
Ummm, why would a crackhead
consult a neurologist? Just
curious...
The crackhead didn't.
Patient was confused when he got to ER, so the internist called me.
I don't write the consults. I just do them.
Um, wow. How do you keep yourself from saying things like, "Yeh, integrity. That's the problem with dealers"?
Oy, oy
A mark of today's declining society when you can't even trust a drug dealer. Next thing you know my bookie is going to be beating the S#!% out of me.
Dr. Grumpy, we love you, but I need to request you post less often... I need to send my husband to the store and keep getting told "But I need to check Dr. Grumpy first!"
Incredible. Sometimes I use these opportunities to just vent back on some of the oxygen theives that frequent my E.R..
The nerve of some dealers, selling some product that is not up to par. Why can't they just sell the normal deadly shit, and be done with it? Just boils my blood.
Actually, I think he has a point...
What is the world coming to when you can't score good drugs?
Geez, I HATE it when my dealer has no integrity. Who does she think she is? Doesn't she realize she's stealing food out of my baby's mouth with her dirty crack? The nerve!
*eyeroll*
No freaking way..for real???
As I recall, and, remember, I'm getting old so my memory may be a little faulty, you used to be able to send a sample of your dope to "The Berkeley Barb" and they would analyze the sample and tell you if it was safe to take. Nowadays you can't even trust the FDA to tell you what drugs are safe.
Remarkably articulate for a junkie, as s/he presents a coherent world view and rails against it. Pity reality gave him/her a kick in the head. On second thoughts it might do him/her some good. Perhaps....
Integrity is lacking in all sales sectors lately. The world is going to shit when even your mutthafuggin' dealer can't respect yo' shit yo.
Ya' know, when I read this post I concluded that you had decided to write fiction. But, upon further consideration, you probably haven't.
The crack trade was so much better before all those former investment bankers came along and ruined everything.
So THAT'S what happens to all that leftover candy corn!
one of the girls in pharmacy school a couple years ago worked at the drug and poison control center. they do a lot of pill IDs and she said one time someone called in and asked for an ID on a pill that ended up being warfarin (potentially dangerous blood thinner). so the lady that called in said (with drug and poison still on the phone), "yeah it's ativan!"
how's that for integrity?
We should thank the drug dealer for their attempt at survival of the fittest in action.
I hate it when my mofo dealer scores me the dregs. I mean the NERVE! Dealers used to have self respect and pride in the shit they pimp. Regular customers never got sub par 8 balls. Now they's all in it for themselves. I think I just might shake and bake my meth myself. It's all about quality control peeps.
LD50 Rat
So, like, seriously - an internist working an ER shift isn't qualified to decide if the basis of the confusion is due to the seriously bad shit or not without consulting a neurologist? really? or did he really suspect something other than the bad shit was the problem?
Maybe they should call corporate and complain. They might get a $25 gift card!!!
Reminds me of my favorite COPS episode when a lady called the police because the drug dealer 'stole' her money. She gave them $20 and they didn't give her any drugs. So, she called the cops to get her money back.
Oh that is golden. Was there anyone else to hear what he was saying? I bet that made *your day!
Unbefreakinleavable!!
I work for a criminal attorney...and never, not one time has one of our drug dealer clients came in and told the beautiful story of how they went from Joe-Q citizen to Joe-I-Sell-Blow drug dealer....and it be a beautiful tale of integrity, worth ethic and passion for their product.
This ain't mary kay people! it's crack!
*shakes head*
what a world.
~hl~
The junkie has a point - no matter how f***ed up the logic is. Some dealers care about good customer service.
How pathetic is it that there are actual drug dealers who are "just in it for the money?" You'd think that they'd have a better sense of "intrinsic value" than that.
Doctor Grumpy I really enjoy reading your blog. you have not posted in awhile. Come back.
Respectfully
An old psych nurse.
Old Psyche nurse- I post 2-3 times each day. Maybe your browser isn't refreshing the page properly. Try going to the base page:
http://drgrumpyinthehouse.blogspot.com
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