Wednesday, October 23, 2019

Taking a break

Gang, due to a great deal of insanity I'm going to take a few weeks off from the blog. Hoping to be back on November 18, 2019.

All is fine, but I need to decrease the things I'm juggling for a short time.

See you then!

Monday, October 21, 2019

I'll tell you where you can put your shoe

Here's another great computer chart system. When you order a shoe for someone who just had foot surgery, it gives you a list to pick where the shoe should be worn:

Thank you, J!

"I should do WHAT with it?"

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

Casa De Mentia

Jack is a nice guy, unfortunately now progressing through Alzheimer's disease. Although his cognition is shot, his baseline friendly personality has stayed with him. He's always accompanied by his doting daughter, Susan, and yesterday there was a guy with them I hadn't previously met.

Dr. Grumpy: "Hi Jack, hey Susan. Have a seat. Hi, sir. I don't think we've met. Are you Jack's son?"

Guy: "No, I'm, uh, actually a tax auditor."

Dr. Grumpy: "A tax auditor?"

Susan: "Yes, I asked him to come with us today. He's auditing our taxes."

Guy: "They asked me to come today. I don't normally go to doctor appointments with people. Actually, this is a first."

Dr. Grumpy: "What's going on?"

Susan: "Apparently there's an issue with our taxes. Can you explain?"

Jack: "Hi, Dr. Gravy."

Susan: "It's Dr. Grumpy, Dad."

Guy: "I was sent to audit their taxes because of errors that were, incredulous, to say the least, and my department was concerned about fraud, but when I got there I found that..."

Susan: "Me and Larry have been letting Dad do our taxes."

Dr. Grumpy: "WHAT? You mean, recently?"

Susan: "Yes, ever since we got married 35 years ago. He's always done them."

Dr. Grumpy: "Jack, have you been doing their taxes?"

Jack: "Are we going to be done here before the Cubs game starts?"

Susan: "Daddy, it's football season."

Dr. Grumpy: "Wait... Susan, you let your Dad, who we've done all kinds of paperwork and POA and legal forms on for his Alzheimer's disease, DO YOUR TAXES?!!!'

Susan: "I asked him if he'd still be able to do them, and he said yes."

Jack: "I'm a CPA. Last week I was named to the top 10 CPA's in Bayonne."

Susan: "Daddy, you've been retired for 15 years."

Jack: "Is the Cubs' game on tonight?"

Guy: "Excuse me, doctor, but just to make sure, is this man mentally capable of doing income taxes?"

Dr. Grumpy: "NO. Absolutely not. Do you need me to put in writing?"

Guy: "Please."

Susan: "Dr. Grumpy, I have a question?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes?"

Susan: "Do you know a good accountant?"

Wednesday, October 9, 2019

License plate of the year

Thank you, Glenn!

Monday, October 7, 2019

Random pictures

Okay, time to hit the mail bag for stuff you guys have sent in.

From the "you need a hobby" files:

One reader vacationing in San Diego sent in this picture of her hotel's emergency exit sign:

And now, to stress the importance of online security:

From the "Safety is job #1" files:

And, finally, "chewy" is apparently now a flavor:

"It. Tastes. Like. What?"

Thursday, October 3, 2019

Mary's desk

Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Ms. Call: "Hi, I'm trying to reach Dr. Freenbeen."

Mary: "He doesn't work here, this is Dr. Grumpy's office. Let me look up Dr. Freenbeen's number for you."

Ms. Call: "I already have it. I can't reach him. That's why I called you."

Mary: "Oh... We're not affiliated with that office at all."

Ms. Call: "Yes, but I still need to reach them. I can't get through. The internet says you're both neurology offices, so I figured you'd have a way to."

Mary: "No, we don't"

Ms. Cell: "There isn't some secret network that connects you people? I saw that on the internet, too."

Mary: "There is no such thing. I have the same phone numbers you do."

Ms. Cell: "You people are so unhelpful."


Monday, September 30, 2019

Beware of the Dragon

Seen in a chart:

Thank you, J!

Monday, September 23, 2019


College kid: "Uh, hello?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Frank, what's going on?"

College kid: "Oh, hi Dad... Um, with what?"

Dr. Grumpy: "I got copied on an email from the university this morning that last night you'd violated some dorm rule by having an extension cord going all the way down the hall?"

College kid: "Oh, that... Yeah, I promised them it won't happen again. It was just an extension cord, though. I think they're making a big deal over it. Everyone has an extension cord."

Dr. Grumpy: "They told me it went from your room, down a hall, down 2 flights of stairs, down another hall, down the main front staircase, through the lobby, and then outside and about halfway across the parking lot."

College kid: "Yeah, I, uh, it was actually pretty impressive. I had to borrow extension cords from a lot of people to do that."

Dr. Grumpy: "They said people were tripping over it."

College kid: "Well, I mean, that explains why it's against the rules, I guess. It's a good idea, actually, if you think about it."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's a big "if." Why weren't you thinking about it? And what the hell were you doing that you had to have an extension cord going that far, anyway?"

College kid: "You know, uh, Dave, that guy down the hall from me? The one with the weird BO? Anyway, we were arguing about how far the dorm's WiFi range goes, so decided to take my laptop into the parking lot to find out."

Dr. Grumpy: "It's a laptop. Why did you need an extension cord?"

College kid: "Well, that girl, Kelly, in my graphic design group, needed a battery for her laptop, and the one she ordered online isn't in yet, so I loaned her mine. So to get my laptop to work to test the WiFi I had to have it plugged in, and to get it far enough out there needed a REALLY long extension cord. So I had to borrow a lot of them from other people in the building."

Dr. Grumpy: "Why didn't you just connect your phone to the dorm's WiFi and walk outside to test it that way instead?"

Long pause.

College kid: "That's a, uh, really good question. Look, Dad, I have to go, because I've got a bunch of extension cords I have to return to people."

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Avast ye, mateys!

It's International Talk Like a Pirate Day!

To celebrate, here's the pirate-themed heavy metal band (you probably didn't know this musical genre existed, did you?) Alestorm, singing about stealing rum and beer.

And the guy elevates rolling the letter "R" to an art form.

Monday, September 16, 2019

Seen in a chart

"Make up your mind, will you?"

Thursday, September 12, 2019

Chief complaint

My colleague, Dr. L., says she's studying for her neurology boards, and was taking a practice test last weekend.

This question was on it, and she says she's never had a patient report answer E to her.

I'd have to agree. At least not without a Ouija board.

Thank you, Dr. L!

Monday, September 9, 2019

Thanks, Sherlock

A drug rep marketing an epilepsy medication brought lunch in for Pissy and I, so we were having the usual 30 minutes of catered sandwiches and pamphlets full of glossy pictures, graphs, and small print.

As we talked, she mentioned that, as part of her new-hire training, she was sent to volunteer at Camp Shaking Pines this past summer. This is a summer camp held for children with epilepsy who, for medical reasons, can't go to other camps. The purpose of her 3 days there was to "raise my awareness" of epilepsy.

Then she said "Doctor, do you know that some of those kids, the ones with seizures, will actually have seizures, right there, at seizure camp?"

I heard a thud behind me as Pissy's hand hit his face.

Monday, September 2, 2019

Breaking news!

From around the globe, Dr. Grumpy's crack team of reporters bring you the stories that shape your world.


British police have apologized after what they previously described as a "huge drugs bust" turned out to be vegan cake mix.

Staff of Purezza, a vegan restaurant, were transporting a large amount of vegan cake mix in a suitcase when it was confiscated at Gatwick airport by transportation police.

After identifying the powder as cake mix, the bags were returned to the restaurant. The staff has offered the police free cake, though at press time the police haven't accepted.


An 80 year-old woman had her vehicle stolen. While she was asleep in it.

Police say the lady had dozed off after parking her car, and when she woke found herself lying in the driveway. She had no recollection of being taken out of the car.

The car has since been recovered.


No one was injured when a bear landed on a police car.

In an unusual chain of events, a Humboldt county sheriff's deputy was driving on Route 96 when a bear fell off a steep embankment and landed on his patrol car. The hood and windshield were smashed.

The surprised officer lost control of his bearmobile, which slammed into the embankment, rolled onto its side, and burst into flames.

This resulted in a small forest fire, that burned about half an acre.

The officer was unharmed.

The bear fled the scene, and was not available for comment.

Thursday, August 29, 2019


Today's post is dedicated to the marketing genius at Boehringer-Ingelheim pharmaceuticals who came up with this name for their veterinary portal:

Good luck on your job search.

Thank you, Webhill!
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