Saturday, November 14, 2009

The Germ Theory and Netflix

Okay, one of my alert readers has brought a, um, interesting website to my attention.

We all know about Netflix. You rent a movie, they mail it to you, you keep it until you watch it (or realize you'll never get around to watching it), mail it back, and then get another movie.

Well...

There is (I swear I am not making this up) a sex toy business based on the same idea. It's called Rent-A-Dildo.com

Basically, you pay $19 a month. You pick out whatever sex toy floats your boat. Use it to your heart's (or whatever) content. And then send it back and request another. You can have one sex toy out at a time unless you join their premium service (called the "Golden Dildo Plan", I swear to God!).

The site even says "Each toy is tested for quality and performance before it is added to our collection." Unfortunately, it doesn't show you a picture of the tester ("Hey Pa, see if the cow likes this one!"). If you party hard you can also pay for the "extra batteries" option.

So the sex toy that you've had up in your body parts gets sent to someone else, and you get to use a sex toy that's been up in somebody (or something) else's naughty bits.

It's been roughly 150 years since Louis Pasteur and Robert Koch proved the germ theory of disease pretty conclusively, but hey, I suppose it could still be wrong. Maybe STD's are just from bad humors and demons, like the ancients believe.

But fear not! The site says "We've developed a patent-pending process for thoroughly cleaning each toy before it is sent out to a customer." I mean, they certainly could be doing something pretty advanced (anything less would be bad for business), but details aren't listed. For all you know they could just be soaking them overnight in a kiddie pool filled with water and bleach. Or running them through a dishwasher. Or wiping them off with a paper towel and doing a quick sniff test. Or maybe the "patent-pending process" involves somebody else's fetish.

I wonder if they have a recommendations feature, like Netflix or Amazon?: "Since you previously enjoyed the 'Black Mamba Rabbit' you may want to try the 'Rabid Jungle Rhino'."

Are future product lines going to include rent-a-toothbrush, rent-a-condom, and rent-a-tampon?

The site also features this notice , which Dr. Grumpy doesn't have the nerve to put up here in it's entirety.

Caveat emptor.

31 comments:

Amber said...

That wouldn't actually bother me so much if all the toys were actually sterilizable, but even a quick browse of the toys they offer show that they are offering toys that cannot be fully sterilized, so... yeah, EWWWWWW.

ER's Mom said...

I'm speechless.

Wow.

Anonymous said...

There are no words. Mental floss AND brain bleach please.

ausduck said...

O...M...G...

All I can say is the company must have good liability insurance.

And the 'notice' implies that they do have customers.

WTF, peoples!

vanity press said...

As a bad person who read stuff I should not have as a child, I followed the link to the notices you did not put up on your own web site.

I believe this all has to do with "net neutrality," a controversial topic on the Internet.

Now if I can just get my browsers--I use Internet Explorer, FireFox, and Google Chrome, sometimes all at the same time, to stop throbbing and moaning, sometimes all at the same time, even after I sterilize them, I may be able to let my wife use my computer.

Anonymous said...

I'm not gonna lie, your suggestion of a "sniff-test" made me gag Dr.G.

ERRN4U said...

Ahem, and you know about this website because?........
:)

Christine-Megan said...

There is no way this isn't a joke some IT student made. Dear God.

MLee said...

OMG... this is funnier than words can express. what makes it even funnier is that the ad banner right below it is a netflix ad....lmao
Don't think I will ever look out my little netflix red envelopes the same again

Easily Lost said...

I'd like to know how you know about the Rabbit toy line.......

Anonymous said...

ew. ew. ew. ew. that is all.

The Shrone said...

Here's what Museum of Hoaxes has to say about it. I'm not sure if the phrase "too good to be true" would apply to this website.

Julie said...

**shakes head** ... i can only think that someone started this website for one of two reasons:
1) they have a strange "i get off on using sex toys used by other people" fetish or
2) they take money off people without sending out the toys and people are then too embarrassed to complain to get their money back!

Susan said...

Ahhh...America. Home of the brave and land of the free. What a fine example of the pursuit of finding a need and...filling it?!!

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
"I'm not gonna lie, your suggestion of a "sniff-test" made me gag Dr.G."
November 14, 2009 3:41 PM

Ditto.
-----
This concept is gross. Bad enough we have to NOT think about how many times that regular metal speculum or that transvaginal ultrasound device have been up other females when we go in for gynecology exams. You want us to rent something that has been used by other women (and men) while they are pleasuring themselves? Bleh!

Anonymous said...

This is gross.

SumDood said...

It's funny, 'cause if you get all these customers in the same room together, they probably wouldn't care where things have been, just keep the party going!

Anonymous said...

thanks for pointing me in the right direction. a useful site.

Anonymous said...

OMG! Wow! Gross...how did you know about this???

Maha said...

*jawdrop* I think this post actually managed to unnerve me a little - and I don't like it one bit! Now I feel that I should await a patient presenting with an STI and eventually beg me not to write that they rent sex toys in the chart.

Gert said...

Thouroughly disgusted!

quixote said...

Oh. My. God. And that rent-a-tampon idea? BRAIN BLEACH! Stat!

Miss Kismet said...

O_o

Unsanitary!

kelliegonzo said...

wow. there are few things that render me as perplexed as this has. so thanks. and excuse me while i rinse the vomit taste out of my mouth.

Jacqueline said...

Eww...and Grumps, how did you stumble across this little nugget of information? Someone should seriously sign up - not to use the devices (good Lord no!) but just to see if it is s real service...although, I'm not volunteering.

Anonymous said...

It's a hoax people. Nothing to see here (not that you'd want to see THAT anyway) so move along.

Anonymous said...

and do they claim the same turn around time? LMAO

Qex said...

Reminds me of the Office for Fair Trading, in the UK. They fined one store because a porn DVD it sold to a customer wasn't as sexually explicit as had been advertised. A spokesperson for the OFT said she was "glad people felt they could bring any complaint to them without embarrasment".

The OFT has also reminded bakery shops that they can't sell things like "robins' egg" or "eye of newt" cookies, because the cookies don't contain either ingredient.

The Mother said...

You have heard that the germ theory of disease is passe?

There's a lot of woo out there, arguing that we get sick because we don't eat right. Forget those pesky prokaryotic cells. It's all in the veggies.

(Which would be real news to my parasit prof, who washed all of his veggies in clorox.)

student dr. blaze said...

after attending a women's college where lunch conversation sometimes involved detailed discussions of sex toys & their use, i didn't think there was anything about sex toys that could render me speechless--until now. OMG. i cannot even begin to understand how such a service exists. seriously, it's got to be a hoax....

then again, my microbiology professor explained in great detail how it's incredibly difficult to adequately sterilize the scopes used for colonoscopy/sigmoidoscopy/etc. apparently the fact that they're multi-jointed (& that you can't cover them w/something, like you do an ultrasound probe) makes them nearly impossible to sterilize completely. <--and that's a fact, not a hoax. ugh....

Anonymous said...

When I first saw the post title, I thought it had something to do with the many germs on NetFlix movies and my mind went to all the RedBox movies I rent and how many people's germs I was bringing home. Then I read your post. I had to click it. Then click again at the bottom to learn about the $49.99 offer (Full Throttle Golden Dildo Plan)for 'new' toys when available. Now I just feel dirty. I sure am glad this is a hoax.

 
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