Friday, May 25, 2018

Texting with Frank

Mrs. Grumpy asked me to deal with dinner. Not knowing what the food status was at home, I made the mistake of asking Frank for help.




Some days... Sigh.

Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Phone

Mrs. Whiney was not happy.

She'd shown up 45 minutes late for her new patient appointment with no other explanation than "I have other things to do too, you know!"

Now she was not accepting that I wasn't going to see her and she'd have to reschedule for the next available slot, 2 weeks from now (and I thought I was being nice by letting her do that).

She'd berated Pissy's staff, who'd gotten Mary.

She'd been chewing out Mary, who'd finally walked away from the window and called me out from a patient room.

She was absolutely stunned when I told her I agreed with Mary, and she wasn't going to be seen today.

In an attempt to get me to give in she menacingly said "I. Want. You. To. Know. That. I'm. Calling. Dr. Stevens. And. Telling. Him. You. Treat. His. Patients. Like. This."

I smiled and wished her a good day. She pulled out her phone, knocked on the window, and asked if we could give her Dr. Steven's phone number. We ignored her.

Now it was time for her to make a scene for the rest of the lobby. And she made the critical mistake of getting her phone involved.


Mrs. Whiney: "Siri! Call Dr. Stevens!”

Siri: “There is no Dr. Stevens in your contact list.”

Mrs. Whiney: “SIRI! CALL DR. STEVENS RIGHT NOW!”

Siri: “Now playing 'Right Here Right Now' by Jesus Jones." (music starts)


Some elderly guy in my lobby and the drug rep he's never met before next to him start holding each other to keep from cracking up.


Mrs. Whiney: “SIRI! STOP THIS SONG AND CALL DR. STEVENS!”

Siri: “There is a chiropractor 1/2 mile north of you. Would you like directions?"


Drug rep starts snorting loudly and runs out of office, mumbling something about allergies.


Mrs. Whiney: “SIRI! CALL DR. STEVENS!”

Siri: “I found 3 pharmacies within two miles. Would you like me to call one of them?"


Mrs. Whiney throws her phone on the ground, picks it up, shoves it in her purse and yells "IT"S NOT FUNNY!" She storms out.

A few seconds passed before everyone in the office and lobby completely lost it and became hysterical. Including the patient who'd wandered out of my office to see why I hadn't returned.

Monday, May 21, 2018

Thrift

Dr. Grumpy: "How's the new medication working out for you?"

Mr. Pill: "Terrible! I'm nauseous all the time, have headaches, and throw up a lot!"

Dr. Grumpy: "Then let's stop it and..."

Mr. Pill: "I don't want to do that! I just bought a 90 day supply!"

Thursday, May 17, 2018

Surprise!

As the school year begins wrapping up, we're moving into the next phase of the Wingnut High School marching band schedule: preparing for next season's football halftime show.

Yeah, you read that right. The next high school football season starts in 3-4 months, and so the twins and their friends are already working on the show.

So yesterday a flyer was sent home with the twins, listing all the stuff. Band camp dates. Meetings over the summer to start working on props. The theme of the show. Where to find the music to practice. Marching formations. Color guard maneuvers. Incoming freshmen orientation. Yadda yadda yadda.

About halfway down the page Mrs. Grumpy and I were surprised to find a paragraph that said “Practice marching sessions for the new steps and formations will be June 19, 25, and 29, July 7, 14, and 22, and August 12, 18, and 22. These will be held at Craig Grumpy’s house from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Bring your own water bottle. Lunch will be provided.”




CRAIG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, May 14, 2018

Coffee

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you much of a drinker?"

Mr. Collins: "Nope. Not at all. Just coffee, but I admit I'm a caffeine junkie. I drink it all day."

Mrs. Collins: "What are you talking about? You put Baileys in your coffee all day! You even keep it in that little thermos you sneak to work!"

Mr. Collins: "That doesn't count!"

Wednesday, May 9, 2018

Seen in a chart

Remember medical students: taking a good family history now includes covering test conclusions, free text, and practice management, but fortunately not retardation or cancer.



Monday, May 7, 2018

Random pictures

Okay, time to hit the mailbag for stuff you guys have sent in.


First, taken in a subway, is this opportunity that could end unemployment:

 





Here's this headline, which is just begging for someone to snicker at it.






Then there's this refrigerator drawer in a reader's recent appliance purchase, which sounds somewhat obscene:






 Here's a coffee pot seen early one morning at a hospital nurses station:





That's an interesting name for your iPhone:





And, finally, this box label. Which seems awfully pretentious for a freakin' cantaloupe.



Friday, May 4, 2018

Early

Guy comes in, stands at counter.

Mary: "Can I help you, sir?"

Guy: "Uh, I think I'm early for my visit."

Mary: "Okay. What time is your appointment?"

Guy: "I don't have one."

Wednesday, May 2, 2018

Great moments with Amazon

From the "now they definitely won't fall out" department.



Thank you, T!
 
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