Thursday, December 16, 2010

Dear Local Nutritionist,

Thank you for dropping off some "Healthy Eating Whole Grain Low-Sugar Preservative-Free Cookies" at the office today, with a note saying that you want to help my staff eat healthy over the holidays.

I must say they've had some of the desired effect. The box's picture of an adult male wearing candy-cane-striped 1980's exercise short-shorts has made us all lose our appetites.


16 comments:

Kim said...

HAHAHA!

Ok, you know what? I actually have met Richard Simmons. Right after my son was born, Richard Simmons was in town and I, out of complete curiosity, decided to take my son and go check it out. I got to the place, walked through the door, and there stood Richard, wearing his trademark outfit. He made a beeline for me, hugged me and...LICKED ME...I think he was trying to kiss me, but it was more like a lick, and then took my son's feet and PUT THEM IN HIS MOUTH! Woooo! Then Richard went up to the stage and started doing his thing, dancing around with his high energy. I watched for about 10 minutes and had enough. I left and drove straight to Wendy's for a double bacon cheeseburger. I just had to.

That said, Richard did seem like a nice person. Really.

Barb said...

A student came around with cookies today and I "had" to have one. Then, while eating it, my colleague asked if it tasted at all like almonds. Apparently, someone left a box of cookies in the chemistry department a few years ago. No name on it. One of the profs ran some tests on it (some sort of chromatography, I guess) and they had arsenic in them! Well, I guess those chem professors are not as well like as those of us in biology!

Li'l Azathoth said...

Do you think those cookies have been re-gifted every Xmas since Richard Simmons's heyday of about 1983?

Tobias said...

Hey Doctor Grumpy, I just wanted to write and tell you that I spent the last few days reading through your entire blog. Every post.

You must have some sort of craziness attraction, I never have anything interesting happen to me. Granted, I'm still in college, so there's time yet.

Anyway, I think you are one swell fellow, I appreciate your blog for it's comedy, and for the greater understanding I now have of the medical community in general. I didn't know it was so crazy back there!

Moose said...

Just remember, folks, a RD (registered dietician) is trained and licensed. Any schmuck off the street can call themselves a nutritionist.

Also, if you've never seen the Whose Line Is It Anyway episode with Richard Simmons, you should. It's absurdly hysterically funny. With fries on top.

Kim said...

This is the funniest Richard Simmons video I've ever seen:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SCJLlSf21Y

The Mother said...

Yeah, not appetizing. I wholeheartedly agree.

Our first holiday gift is a box of chocolate covered pecans. I don't think I'll be that thin when they're gone. I left the unopened on purpose (having previous years' experience) until hubby came home and ripped them open.

Sigh.

Kim said...

Thin. I was thin once. I ran 30 miles a week and wore a size 2. Then I had a kid. Bye bye size 2! And I sprained by ankle more than a week ago so I've been sitting on my butt not doing much...I gotta get moving! This time of year is a bad time to be not active! Btw, crutches hurt like hell. My arms hate me.

Anonymous said...

blown out ankles , knee effusions, hip replacement. stops the daily run. no more downhill ski rush. but nordic cross country helps.

Jacqueline said...

LOL @ Kim...that is one epic Richard Simmons story!

kay said...

Haha, that is great!

terri c said...

The box is awful--don't open it! Things will go downhill fast.

Anonymous said...

Barb, are you sure the cookies your colleague was talking about didn't have cyanide in them? The smell of bitter almonds is characteristic of cyanide. I've never heard of arsenic tasting of arsenic. Just a Board-certified toxicologist passin' through...

SECRET PEPPER PERSON: said...

The Hair. Can't. Get. Past. The Hair.

Anonymous said...

The hairline is actually not all that testosterone-driven for an adult male.

Tzipora said...

Oh my G-d, Richard Simmons. Weird memories abound. I recall my mother went through a home fitness thing (yet I don't really ever recall her actually exercising in the home and never to exercise videos!) and somewhere between sweatbands and stirrup pants (G-d, I loved those pants!) my mom had Richard Simmons tapes and one was called "Dance Your Pants Off" which was of course especially amusing to my very young brother (maybe 4-5ish) and myself. Even we thought he was um, quite the character but watching my little brother literally shake around until his super hero or cartoon character undies showed... Wow, thanks for bringing up some random memories. Apparently this blog is equally therapeutic for the readers... BTW Richard Simmons also used to creep me out in a childhood nightmares sort of way... :P Thanks!

 
Locations of visitors to this page