Sunday, December 19, 2010

That's why they call it a stroke

Although I'm not on call, I somehow ended up getting dragged in to the hospital last night to do a consult.


Mr. Onan: "... Then my right arm just went limp, like a dead weight. I couldn't move it at all."

Dr. Grumpy: "What were you doing when this started?"

Mr. Onan: "I was, um, you know..."

Dr. Grumpy: "No, I don't."

Mr. Onan: "Um... I was masturbating."

Dr. Grumpy: "Oh! Okay. So, when the right arm stopped working, what happened?"

Mr. Onan: "I switched to my left."

Dr. Grumpy: "WHAT?!!! When did you call 911?"

Mr. Onan: "After I finished. Look, doc, Viagra is expensive, and I didn't want it to go to waste."

37 comments:

SECRET PEPPER PERSON: said...

Well. I just don't know what to say. I guess a good rule of thumb is to finish what you're working on prior to calling 911 if you are only suffering from right sided hemiparesis. I mean how serious could that be?

Amanda said...

It's the "Mr. Onan" designation that makes it art.

Fizzy said...

Well, geez, how long does it take to finish? Like five minutes? Still within the three hour window.

Anonymous said...

Hahahahaha, I LOVE it. The man has his priorities in order, dammitt !

Anonymous said...

if sex and stroke are connected, shouldn't we be extinct?

Anonymous said...

ROFLMAOSTC (scare the cat)

Anonymous said...

It could have been worse, he could have called 911 WHILE using his left.

Just Thelma said...

Luckily for Mr. Onan, he appears to be ambidextrous. Otherwise, that could well have been a total waste of money!

C said...

ummm seriously? i should email this to our neuro prof, would make an interesting case for our next exam haha. at least the stroke wasn't too nad?

thegooddrlaura said...

SERIOUSLY?

Cthulhu Sashimi said...

"Also, I have a paralysis fetish, so I got really turned on."

Anonymous said...

"And I didn't want to interrupt the video I was watching on my iPhone."

Anonymous said...

"Plus, I'd been planning date night for weeks. A romantic dinner, candles, flowers..."

Anonymous said...

"Besides, I never use my cell phone while I'm driving."

Watercolor said...

oy vey. Men.

soihavethisdog said...

Wow, impressive! If he's looking for a date, you gotta admit that this shows commitment.

Anonymous said...

He could have called 911, laid the phone down, and resumed - it's not like the arrive the second you call. Even if he lived next door to the station, it would have take 5 minutes.

pharmacy chick said...

So really he had a STROKE stroke while getting stroked...
alrigggggght.

Old MD Girl said...

I'm with Fizzy. It probably would take less than 5 minutes to finish, which is well within any time frame that you need to do something like administer tPA. Plus, you never know, it could have been his last one. Stroke, I mean.

Kat's Kats said...

ROFLOLASTC!!! That's hysterical!! The worst of it is, my husband is diabetic and takes meds for erectile dysfunction. He has a harder time having an orgasm using the meds than when he doesn't. And evile wife that I am, I make him check his sugar level a few hours later.

Mayhap Mr. Onan took the wrong medication or was so confused by the stroke that he didn't realize he should stop & call 911.

Anonymous said...

WOW... just WOW.

RehabNurse said...

Too funny!

One friend of my husband's friend (an older single gentleman) went missing for a couple of days.

They found him, pants down, in front of the computer.

He wasn't so lucky, since he waited just a little to long to do anything.

terri c said...

You can't make this stuff up. How is the patient? Is he permanently left-handed now?

Anonymous said...

"Besides, the guy to my right said he'd kick my ass if I didn't."

John Woolman said...

I'm reminded of the lad with a subclavian steal syndrome. presenting complaint - "Every time i masturbate I go blind...."

arzt4empfaenger said...

Haha, at least he was honest? Crazy people. Crazy, I say!

me said...

ROLTFLMAOSTD (scared the dogs)

David Bowie said...

He played it left hand,
But made it too far....

Making love with his ego,
Ziggy sucked up into his mind...

Kyla said...

Hahaha!

The Mother said...

Now, that's something they just don't mention in the TV commercials.

Maha said...

I just don't understand boyz... but second (third?) Fizzy's and OMDG's comments!

Mark In Mayenne said...

I want Fizzy and OMDG as my doctors!

legalalien said...

People are jumping to the conclusion that it would only have been 5 minutes... This guy might have the stamina of a racehorse (and that might not be the only comparison!).

Anonymous said...

If they covered this under insurance, he wouldn't be so concerned about the cost.

Doc. hope you told him that he was lucky he didn't go blind.

Anonymous said...

For us med folks, will you do a post on how you picked neuro when you were a med student?

Anonymous said...

ROTFLMAOAHTQM (almost had to quit masturbating)

ERP said...

Good thing he's ambidextrous!

 
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