I think all of us often wake up saying "Gee, I wish there was some way I could make my crotch more hot and sweaty than it already is."
Fortunately there's an easy answer: Vibrating Sauna Pants!
Now, even in a place as cold and snowy as Grumpyville you can keep your private areas sweaty and moving, and make believe this is a substitute for exercise.
These sexy pants come with a thermostat, so you can heat your junk to the desired temperature, and an adjustable vibration setting (so you can differentiate them from your cell phone ringing).
In the immortal words of Roosevelt E. Roosevelt "It's hot enough here to cook things in my shorts! A little crotchpot cooking." And now that can be you.