Thursday, December 1, 2011

Dr. Grumpy's 2011 Gift Guide

It's December 1, the Christmakuh/Kwanzaa/Solstice/Festivus season is upon us, and it's time to roll out the annual holiday gift guide. As always, we at Grumpy Neurology, P.C. scour the internet and catalogs year-round so you don't have to!

In the past I've focused on gifts for humans, but since dogs are a big part of our families, I thought I'd kick off this year with something for them. And what better gift for a furry friend than his own sex doll?

(click to enlarge, if you're into that sort of thing)







Yes, the HotDoll doggy love toy is available in 2 sizes (looks like small and medium from the site, I don't see anything for a Great Dane), and is "made to be easily distinguished by dog’s eyes."

It also notes that "the pink hole needs to be washed regularly for hygienic reasons," a job which will likely spark more family fights than "whose turn is it to pick up the dog poop?"

I can just see this being marketed with The Rolling Stones belting out a modified version of one of their classics:

"Hey! You! Get off of my leg!
Don't hang around, or sit up and beg!"

The site doesn't say if there are other models that require batteries, but quite frankly I don't want to know.

29 comments:

Mrs. Grumpy said...

Can I get one for my husband?

Anonymous said...

That's it, always discriminating against Great Danes (I know my Dane will be so heartbroken)!

Anonymous said...

Please, nobody get my dog one of these for Christmas!

Packer said...

Spay and neuter, how many times to I have to say that.

Not House said...

0-o

Wow.

Anonymous said...

Are there accessories if Fido is into ruff sex too?

Li'l Azathoth said...

Rover's Little Helper- This Beast of Burden is guaranteed to get your pet's Rocks Off and bring it Satisfaction. But when you handle this artificial Bitch, don't reach Down in the Hole, or you might get Sticky Fingers.

bobbie said...

Mrs. Grumpy ~ I just about pee'd in my pants...
Thanks for the huge laugh!

Anonymous said...

Do they call it the "Lassie Come Home?"

Barb said...

That's just plain wrong! :P

Anonymous said...

What flavors does the lube come in?

Barky von Barkstein said...

Umm, I rather get some artisanal bourbon, in the convenient family size jug.

Anonymous said...

"Hi, I want to buy this, uh, for my dog, yeah, that's right, for my dog..."

Anonymous said...

Oh my God....That is so gross and disturbing! O_O

~Francine

Diana said...

OH. HELL. NO!!!!!!

That said, please get your minds out of the gutter for this. Humping is also a sign of dominance in a dog. As it is when a female dog lifts her leg to pee.

Guys, please do not go humping a female under the guise of a dominance display. It will only get you hurt.

Elmo said...

...stainable, Great Dane-able you...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6raVzrbqrM

;)

Anonymous said...

For the pet in your life that has everything! Will these be under the Grumpy's "Tree" or "Hanukkah Bush" this year?

Moose said...

Jumpin Jeebus, Grumpy, now I need the extra strong brain bleach.

BLECH.

Mike Looney said...

The actual URL is http://hotdollfordog.com/

1) It's French. I'll just leave it at that
2) The cost 149 freaking euros.
149 euros = 200.81 US dollars, plus shipping. From France.
3) Ewwww

A Doc 2 Be said...

Bummer. Never a toy for the big guys...

Sharon Marie said...

My chihuahua has a stuffed animal that she uses to uhhh, relieve the "itch." Costs a lot less at Big Lots. LOL!

myoclonicjerk said...

Your lyrics also fit perfectly with Ludacris' 'Move B#tch."

Anonymous at 10:35: I think a collar and leash will work just fine.

Elli said...

I thought the first one was just a comfort object for a sleeping puppy, like a terrycloth mother for those baby rhesus monkeys in the experiments.

The second one, though, sort of removes the veil.

bobbie said...

Mike Looney ~ LOVED the video ~ especially the "For trendy dogs, only!" line!!
I'm surprised they didn't call it "artisanal"!!

lbparker said...

Its french--well, that explains everything.

wv = naler: (snort!) How appropriate.

ERP said...

That's perfect. Maybe post that picture in your waiting room and the company will give you some kickbacks.

The Quirked Eyebrow said...

This is illegal on some planets,
right?

Anonymous said...

I am SO glad I am a cat lover.

Learned Hand said...

Ok, I made an involuntary sound of disgust and put my hand to my chest when I read the "pink hole" portion.

Wow. This is so much worse than the giraffe pants. This may be the worst (non-tragic) thing I have ever read.

 
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