"I know the waiters there spit in my food, because they don't like people who just eat salads. I told the waiter that I had special powder I'd sprinkle in my salad to show traces of saliva, so he better not try it. But now I'm afraid to go anywhere else, because the food servers throughout the country are conspiring against me. They've hired a chemist to find ways to make it so that their spit doesn't show up with my special powder, and my powder doesn't work now. I know they're still secretly spitting in all my food, so I need to hire someone to make me a new powder that will detect their invisible saliva. Does Dr. Grumpy do this sort of thing? Please call me back in the morning."
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate.
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Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.