Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Do not try this at home

No matter how easy surgery looks on your favorite TV show, it should only be done by trained professionals.

Also, it is not recommended that you try to staunch blood loss with a lit cigarette.

Like this guy.

Thank you, Lee!


B. Perky said...

Shoulda known, only in Los Angeles.

Anonymous said...

"The man wasn't screaming or showing any signs of pain, the sergeant said."

No brain, no pain.

RawBodyGoddess said...

Abutter knife? Please. Doesn't everyone know that sort of procedure requires at the very LEAST a steak knife? Or, a spork even. But a butter knife? Really, what is the world coming to?

Anonymous said...

Maybe the guy was fat and his wife called him "Butterball"?

Li'l Azathoth said...

Menthol cigarettes are much better at easing the pain.

Anonymous said...

How many hours of watching medical shows do you need to log before you're considered a trained professional?

Anonymous said...

Needless to say, he didn't get invited to too many more dinner parties after that.

Mal said...

Extreme Stupidity should be a medical/psychiatric diagnosis.

"Alright Mr X. I see from your file that you've been diagnosed with Extreme Stupidity, so I'm going to need to get your next of kin to make these decisions, and sign the forms."

"He stabbed him self whith what? Why?"
"Extreme Stupidity"
"I'll say."

"72 hour psych hold. Extreme Stupidity, non-compliant with meds, and insufficiently supervised in the home."

Mallory said...

I once cut out several warts with a craft knife, and cauterized them with the handle of a teaspoon heated on the stove. It worked quite well, but it hurt like f*ck.
Of course, I was about 10.

Why a butter knife, anyway? They're blunt.

Packer said...

In related news the Obama Administration seized upon this story to advocate their plan for universal health care.

Probably used Lysol Bathroom Disinfectant to lay out the sterile field.

Michelle Dulak Thomson said...

The butter knife part is mysterious, but the cauterization reminds me of one of the Fu Manchu novels (there were a few kicking around the house when I was a kid).

Narrator (a doctor; I forget his name -- something innocuous like "Shepherd"), on being asked to examine a wound on the arm of Nayland Smith (the would-be arch-nemesis of the implacable Yellow Peril):

"It appears to have been deeply cauterized."

"Right," raps out Smith; "very deeply. A barb steeped in the venom of a hamadryad went in there."

I think it is from sources such as these that people get the idea that if you only burn the f*ck out of whatever it is, all will be well.

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