Sunday, July 5, 2009

I'm Going to Throttle My Children

Our house was originally built in 1993. For no apparent reason the kitchen had a ledge put about 12 feet up on the walls. Since no one can see or reach up there, I assume it hasn't been dusted since it was first installed.

After getting back from the Independence Day Carnival at damn near midnight, and our kids waking us up at 5:30 this morning beating each other up over whether to watch Nick or Cartoon Network, Mrs. Grumpy and I really needed a nap.

When I woke after a very deep 2 hours, I discovered it had snowed dust bunnies in our kitchen. All over the floor, counters, sink, stove.

Apparently, while we were dozing, the Junior Legion of Home Terrorists began launching balloon rockets in the kitchen.

One of them didn't come down. So they assumed it was on one of these ledges. They got a ladder and climbed up, and with a broom swept 16 years of dust bunnies, spider webs, dead bugs, dog hair (how the hell does dog hair get up there, anyway?), and heaven knows what else, all over the kitchen.

The missing rocket, for the record, was lying in the hallway the whole time.


Jaime said...


Anonymous said...

It's a well-known fact that sleep deficit is grouch fodder. (In my kids, though, when they pass the grouchiness stage they start to go out on limbs with wild exploits,) it's like some frontal lobe inhibition had been released past a point of fatigue.) How well I remember my own 'sainted' mother yelling atop the fray, 'carry on like that and someone will be crying' as she attempted to herd us into a less stimulating environment.

Anonymous said...

You're friggin hysterical. Just thought I'd come out from behind my Google reader to tell you. That is all.

DreamingTree said...

Sounds like something my kids would have done -- they're like gremlins sometimes. My son decided to play Tarzan in our new bathroom, thinking that a belt hanging from hook would hold his full weight as he swung. One of many boneheaded moves on his part...

Unknown said...

I had some pretty great ideas as a kid.

I found this pretty blue pool paint my dad had layin around. So I thought I'd paint the outside of the garage - ALL of it. It would be pretty AND it was pretty!!
I wasnt allowed in the garage alone for months after that. >_<

Another great idea I little sister and I used to play in the woods behind our house. Back then it was safe to let your kids play in the woods (circa 1975). I was 10 and she was 7. We were playin cowboys and indians and I captured her and tied her to a tree. I ran off and found some other kids and started to play with them. Went home to dinner and my mother asked where my little sister was. 0_0
I couldnt remember where I'd left her in the woods and it was getting dark. The police & firemen came out for that one. Got my hide tanned good.

I could go on and on. I was a very adventurous kid. =)

Fiz said...

I guessed that, Peedee!

Maha said...

Hehehe! A couple of years ago, my (then) teenage brothers decided that it would be a fantastic idea to have a water balloon fight in the living room - where my dad's prized books were kept. Never have I seen a can of whoop-ass opened so fast with such devastating results :P

Grumpy, M.D. said...

"A can of whoop-ass"

That's an AWESOME phrase.

Lipstick said...

Oh my...that is so hysterical!! I may or may not have just spewed soda out of my nose while reading that.

Unknown said...

As a young'en I recall two garage adventures (northern GA) one with Hairnet+Lighter and one with a BB gun.
Hairnet and lighter were for camel-crickets and revenge on said insect via a flamethrower method.
Reason: Fan into attic above toilet and a 3am bathroom call that resulted in a camel cricket ricocheting off my genitals several times (shudder).

BB Gun was usually used on a block of balsa wood (big 4inch cube nobody uses).
Well, I got the bright idea of putting that block on a metal support beam on the garage door and a metallic "P-TANG, THWIZZZ, smack, OW" and pellet hitting me in the face with a slight draw of blood and stunk like a mother for a few hours.

Activities such as that were suspended until common sense vacated the premises (aka pre-teen boy's mind).

30 years later: Son (same house, BTW) of mine was taking almost an hour or more in the bathroom and I open the door to ask "what's taking so long" on several occasions, the two best were:
5 years old and sitting on/straddling the sink about one foot from the mirror brushing his teeth like it was the most normal thing in the world.
Not much after that was the "water-play" incident of standing on the toilet, leaning over about 10 degrees by placing his thighs just above the knees against the sink and holding his water cup as high as possible to pour the water in the sink and watch the splashing.

That's my boy, and I wondered why I had to replace the beeswax seal under the toilet about 6 times in less than two years.

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