Monday, March 25, 2024

Seen in a chart


Tuesday, March 19, 2024

Happy Springtime!

(or Autumn, if you're on that side of the planet).

My favorite ode to spring, courtesy of the great Tom Lehrer:

Spring is hereSpring is hereLife is skittles and life is beerI think the loveliest timeOf the year is the springI do, don't you? 'Course you doBut there's one thingThat makes spring complete for meAnd makes every SundayA treat for me
All the world seems in tuneOn a spring afternoonWhen we're poisoning pigeons in the parkEvery Sunday you'll seeMy sweetheart and meAs we poison the pigeons in the park
When they see us comingThe birdies all try and hideBut they still go for peanutsWhen coated with cyanideThe sun's shining brightEverything seems all rightWhen we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We've gained notorietyAnd caused much anxietyIn the Audubon SocietyWith our gamesThey call it impietyAnd lack of proprietyAnd quite a varietyOf unpleasant namesBut it's not against any religionTo want to dispose of a pigeon
So if Sunday you're freeWhy don't you come with meAnd we'll poison the pigeons in the parkAnd maybe we'll doIn a squirrel or twoWhile we're poisoning pigeons in the park
We'll murder them allAmid laughter and merrimentExcept for the fewWe take home to experimentMy pulse will be quickenin'With each drop of strychnineWe feed to a pigeon(It just takes a smidgin!)To poison a pigeon in the park

Monday, March 18, 2024


 "What do you mean the drug doesn't work? We can't write that! Find a better way to say it!"

Thursday, March 14, 2024

Happy Pi Day!

In honor of Pi Day, AKA Einstein's birthday...


Hi, this is Craig Grumpy.

A few years back, you may remember, I worked at Local Grocery's bakery.

One of my co-workers there (besides my sister) was Josie.

Josie was no pussycat, but was good at her job, except for the whole dealing-with-customers bit. Polite conversation was not one of her strong points. Because she was otherwise a good employee management tended to overlook this, and the rest of us tried to deal with people and let Josie do her thing in the back, mixing dough, baking stuff, decorating cakes, etc.

Unfortunately, this wasn't always possible, and there was an afternoon where she and I were the only ones on. She was out putting bagels on the shelves and I was leaning into the donut case, cleaning it for the next morning. So I didn't see a lady walk past a large display that said "PIES," and head for Josie... until it was too late.

Lady: "Excuse me! Where are the pies?"

Josie: "Uh, over there, behind you, on the left."

Lady: "Thank you."

The lady went over and began carefully inspecting the pies that were out. I turned back to the donut trays, glad that it had been straightforward.

In the meantime the lady was going through the pies, carefully reading each box (these are generic supermarket pies, folks). After a minute I realized she'd followed Josie back to the bakery counter and it was too late for me to run interference.

Lady: "Excuse me again!"

Josie: "Yes?"

Lady: "I was looking at your pies. Do you have any that are sugar free and gluten free?"

Long pause.

Josie: "Ma'am, this is a bakery."

Josie disappeared into the back.

Sunday, March 3, 2024


Look, calling my phone every 2 hours all weekend is NOT going to make your lab results come any faster.

Locations of visitors to this page