Sunday, May 6, 2012

Weekend reruns, part 2

A few days after the issue described yesterday, I put this letter on Dr. Pissy's desk...

Craven, Cretin, & Klutz, P.C.
Attorneys at Law

November 5, 2010

I. M. Pissy, M.D.
7291 N. Headache St.
Grumpyville, CX 34611

RE: Legal Action of Grumpy vs. Pissy

Dear Dr. Pissy,

Our firm has been retained by Dr. Grumpy in a legal action against you pursuant to the events of November 1, 2010.

On that date a canine possession of yours ("Fancy") pooped in Dr. Grumpy's exam room. This is in violation of federal regulations #1, #7, and #3,748,425-A, and caused Dr. Grumpy severe emotional denoberation, mental discombobulation, odoriferous substance exposure, fulminant social embarrassment, and a bunch of other polysyllabic words.

After careful consideration of legal options, including a $10 billion lawsuit for emotional damages, we've decided on the following out-of-court settlement:

"Blackdog", a 65 lbs. canine possession of Dr. Grumpy's of undetermined genetic nature (i.e. a "mutt"), shall be allowed into YOUR exam room to poop on the floor following lunch on November 10, 2010. Laxatives will be used to ensure the settlement is equitable.

If this settlement is acceptable to you, please have your attorney call their attorney who will then call our attorney who will then notify us, and we will make the necessary arrangements to transport Blackdog.

We hope this resolves the issue. Please contact us for any questions.

Yours truly,

Oksana "Oksi" Kontin
Legal Assistant to Mr. Klutz.


bobbie said...

And he replied???

Anonymous said...

LMAO!!!!! Oh wow, I needed that today Dr. Grumpy. Laughter is the best medicine. (Just don't bill me for it).

Also, give my regards to Oksi

Steeny Lou said...

Another good one, Doc! Glad y'all are able to share a laugh after a poopy day at the office.

Cue the song "Oxycontin Blues" by Steve Earle. :)

Anonymous said...

Methinks that you have WAY too much time on your hands. Either that, or you just don't need to sleep.

Pamela Kieffer said...

I think the settlement was quite fair.

pharmacy chick said...

if you are gonna run re-runs you should do your cruise adventures! I practically piddle my pants laughing at your vacation adventures. finally, somebody who has as many vacation disasters as I do.

Marco said...

Reminds me of a fundraiser when I was in grad school at U.C.Davis, a leading veterinary school. It was called "Bovine Bingo.". Tickets were sold for your choices of coordinate on a 2-D grid. On the big day, that grid was drawn on the lawn in the quad. Then, they let Bessie loose, a cow who had just feasted on a lot of hay...if she settles on 'your' spot, you win!

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh......again! Thanks Dr. G.!!!

I agree with Blue Ridge Mountain's comment!!

WV: topta forgatio (topped it and forgot it)

Anonymous said...

Cut out the middleman, dog. Just sneek in while he's out of the office and take care of the 'settlement' yourself.

Packer said...

This kind of crap gives lawyers a bad name.

Mockingbird said...

Hard to believe that gal is named Oksi Kontin,sounds like some kind of drug.
I did go to high school with a gal from a farm family who was named Okra Cotton; she was a math whiz.

Anonymous said...

Did he agree to the settlement? It's only fair!

akdvm666 said...

Hey - you're copping my scenario!

I recall large, un-neutered male Coonhound who urinated on my waiting room walls not once, but twice. The owner did nothing. Third time was, indeed, the charm, as the dog urinated directly into an electrical outlet. There was a blinding flash, a loud pop, and the dog was sent hurtling across the room. I assume he was okay - we were all incapacitated with laughter, and quite unable to offer any medical assistance.

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