Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Skool Nerse Time

This is Mrs. Grumpy.

Kids, when you come to my office with your friends, it is extremely important that you remember which of you had what complaint.

I know that when you come to me during recess (usually the one before your math test), you do not have a note from the teacher telling me what your symptoms are. Generally, if something were hurting you, I'd assume you'd remember what it was. But, silly me, this isn't always the case.

By way of example, 2 of you demonstrated today how it should NOT be done. Faker and her bff Fakess came by today, with Faker complaining of sand in her eye and Fakess complaining that her hand was hurting.

Skool Nerse: "Which hand is it?"

Fakess: "The one I write with."

Skool Nerse: "And that is...?"

Fakess: "Um, did my Mom put it on that card she filled out?"

Skool Nerse: "No."

Fakess: "Okay it's, um, uh, ah, this one?"

Skool Nerse: "That's the hand that hurts? Is that the one you write with?"

Fakess: "Let me think..."

Skool Nerse: "You do that." (turns to Faker) "What's wrong with you?"

Faker: "I have sand in my eye."

Skool Nerse: "Which eye?"

Faker: "This one."

Skool Nerse: (carefully examines eyeball) "Hmm... I don't see any sand, or redness..."

Fakess: "Oh, that's because I'm the one with sand in my eye".

Faker: "Yeah, I forgot. It was her. I hurt my hand, this one."

As you can see, this duo made a number of mistakes that might have been avoided with a little practice beforehand. Therefore, kids, when trying to lie your way out of math tests, please remember that consistency in doing so is the key.

This has been a public service announcement.


terri c said...

Oh Mrs. Grumpy HOW do you keep a straight face? This is hilarious and sad at the same time.

Lipstick said...

yeah...you think they would have at least coordinated that while walking down the hall or perhaps when they got the brilliant idea to try and fool the Nerse.

So, I'm curious...what is the official school penalty for wasting the time of the Nerse?

D said...

I'm disappointed with kids these days. I managed to go to less than 25% of my classes in my junior & senior years with 90% of my absences being fully excused (I was REALLY good at what I did heh heh).

Side note: I graduated with honors. I guess my smarty pants helped with my faking.

Evil HR Lady said...

That is so hilarious. Fun to be you!

Julie said...

sounds like your students are practising early to be your husband's patients!

Meg Thornton said...

I swear, I had no idea what I'd missed up growing up with a mother who was a nurse - certainly I learned good and early that if I wanted to fake illness, it had to be consistent, it had to be undeniable, and I had to accept my chances of getting away with it were approximately one in about a gazillion - and that was when Mum was feeling generous. In order to get sympathy, blood was usually necessary, in large amounts.

I didn't skip many classes due to illness for some reason.

Don said...

When I was in third grade, I fell and skinned my kneecaps pretty badly while on recess. I went to the school nurse, who peroxided them, but didn't bandage them. She told me to go back to class, even there was still some bleeding(I'd left a bloody trail coming into the building), but she refused to put bandages on them, saying that bandages were for sissies.
The janitors didn't like having to clean up the two pools of blood under my desk that night...
She was one tough lady, that school nurse.

Old MD Girl said...

I think you should do a study on whether these idiot kids grow up to be idiot patients. Then you can publish it in the NEJM.

The Mother said...

It would occur that the critical thinking skills that would have surmounted the math test are the very same which are absent in this pair of youngsters.

Karen W said...

Those are the same kids who end up in the ER faking seizures. Wait - here it comes - Oh, Oh, I'm having a seizure now!

Anonymous said...

Love it! I've got one who is trying to get out of school now. Both of my parents were teachers, you'd think she would know better.

Don said...

When I was in third grade, I got hit in the nose with a baseball bat during recess (it was an accident)

I was in the bathroom trying to control the bleeding when my teacher walked in to see if I was okay. My reaction, I was mortified that there was a GIRL in the BOYS bathroom.

Oh yeah, my nose was broken

kate said...

I would have some serious trouble not wringing necks all day...

Happy Vegemite said...

Wow. The future of America isn't looking so great if the school are pumping out kids like these.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I doubt kids are that much different anywhere else.

Faking illness to avoid school is likely as old as school.

andrea said...

God Bless School Nurses! Its those kids that made me not want to teach anything but preschool

Anonymous said...

Are you allowed to draw bloods/take blood tests at school? Or perhaps a 1950's vacination syringe filled with saline/dye)..Get it all out and ready and say you've lost your glasses and do you think you could guide me as to where he needle goes? Talk in steps. as in "step one; make sure patient is sitting" ok. good done that. "step 2 " try to calm patient to keep their mind off the pain they are about to experience" um, o.k, deep breaths pateients!" "Umm, step 3, recheck needle lenth:" ok... See how many hang aound after that...(:

Anonymous said...

Actually...our school nurse was crap. My brother was a sick kid. My brother had a seizure in gym class...between the idiot gym teacher who did not realize how to pick up a phone and call 911....to the nurse who was given a note that morning about my brother reducing his meds and to watch for seizures. Anyways...he was down for 45 minutes. Not good.

This was not an isolated incident

Locations of visitors to this page