Monday, February 15, 2010

Counting, the lost art

Mr. Number: "I only take one pill."

Dr. Grumpy: "What is it?"

Mr. Number: "Coumadin, Toprol, and Metformin."

(On the other hand, I'm glad he didn't say "a round white thing that I put in my mouth and swallow")


PJ Geraghty said...

(On the other hand, I'm glad he didn't say "a round white thing that I put in my mouth and swallow")

"...but that's not important now."

RIP Lloyd Bridges, wherever you are.

HeatherLynn said...

one one thousand, two one thousand....three one thousand....

look at me, I'm a rocket scientist over here! lol


The Codoofi Man said...

One pill makes your blood thin,
And one pill makes its pressure fall,
And one treats your diabetes,
But this pill claims to do them all,
Go ask Alice,
Who bought it at the mall.

The Hystiva Man said...

And if you go buying medicine,
At Spencer's Gifts at the mall,
Then a kretek-smoking teenager,
Will sell you an old gumball,
Go ask Alice,
Who works at the Cinnabon stall.

Christine said...

Just think of the excellent compliance we'd have if we had combo pills. I can see it now- a combo ace inhibitor, metformin, and maybe a touch of hctz. Bam, many an old person covered. A beta block, some lasix, and a side of actos. Brilliant. Your patient may be onto something here.

Anonymous said...

This is why I never say 'what is it'? I get too frustrated if the answer isn't what I expect/gives me an answer I can use. So I ask specific questions, like 'what's it called?'

pj said...

Best. Comment. Thread. Ever.

@ Codoofi and Hystiva Men: If you're not the same person--which surely you are--you need to be. Kindly merge your personae and produce more verses asap. Thanks.

The Ilysmedn Man said...

PJ- We're actually members of a tribe living in a remote part of Surinam, and by tribal tradition we all have the first name "The" and the last name "Man," with the middle name used to distinguish us. We access the Internet via a laptop and an Iridium satellite phone that a dotcom-millionaire-turned-wannabe-explorer left in our tribal area about 10 years ago, shortly before his fatal accident. Our tribe worships a deity called "Ibee Grumpy (as a former Dutch colony, we pronounce it "i-bay khroom-pie"), so naturally we were very excited to find Dr. Grumpy's blog a year or so ago. We turn to it every day for divine guidance on how to live our lives. As you can imagine, leaving a comment on his blog is a highly coveted privilege, so every tribal member gets one and only one opportunity.

pj said...

Okay, Idyls Men or Minds Lye or whatever nick you're masquerading under, I call Shenanigans: Everyone knows they have no computers in Surinam(e) because they drive on the left, so every time another country tries to connect a road to one of theirs and ship something in, all that happens is a series of terrible head-on collisions. Plus it's too hot there for the Internets to work. So nice try. Stop mucking about and just finish the damn song.

The Calis Man said...

*Sigh* Very well, despite your slurs against our beautiful and technologically advanced country (where we drive on whichever side of the road we damn well please, 'cuz that's just how we roll), we've had a tribal council meeting and come up with the following:

When the patient who needed medicine,
Was turned down by his HMO,
He proceeded to the mall bathroom,
To buy some on the down low.

He'd asked Alice, who told him where to go.

He met the teenager from Spencer's,
And put some money in his palm,
But what he bought were diuretics,
Stolen from the teenager's mom,
Later that night, they hit him like a bomb.

Peed his bed.
Peed his bed.

TheLittleFlower said...

Just like all the patients who call me and say, (and I nearly quote), "Just fill everything in the 'puter, you have it right there, just fill everything I get and I want it in 20 minutes." Never mind that they have dozens of drugs on their profile and half of which they no longer take. How dare I ask for the names, what am I, it's right in the 'puter....

terri c said...

Wonderful. Brought back memories--like the memories of trying to convince parents the song was NOT about illegal drug use!

pj said...

Thank you so much, Mr Mac Snail or Cialis or whatever your name is. Those verses were splendid, really, showing extraordinary use of advanced poetic techniques such as synechdoche and enuresis. This transformative work qualifies you for possible representation by Big Bertha's Literary Agency and Storm Door Company. But wait! There's more! If all goes well, your work could be submitted to a prestigious literary journal.

Filet-o-bitch RPh said...


Maha said...

Maybe it was one of them special hybrid pills . . . Coumatoformin?? Eh? Eh? I know that was a giant fail.

Locations of visitors to this page