Tuesday, June 24, 2014


As readers know, my roommate for all 4 years of medical school was a guy named Enzyme.

Enzyme was about 6'3" and maybe 190 lbs. He was calm, cool, and confident, the perfect model of the U.S. Navy officer that he is today. Handsome and a ladies man. He knew how splendid he looked in his uniform. He loved the military, and didn't let anything alarm him.

Until one night.

It was, maybe, around 2:00 a.m. I'd gone to bed at midnight after giving up on studying for the day, and was in a deep sleep.

While I slumbered, deeply napping, suddenly there came a tapping, as of someone gently rapping, rapping at my bedroom door.

Med student Grumpy: "Hello?"

Enzyme: "Ibee, are you awake?"

Grumpy: "I am NOW. What's up?"


Grumpy: "Are you okay?"

Enzyme: "I... Need your help."

Grumpy: "It's 2:00 a.m. What's going on?"


Grumpy: "Enzyme?"

Enzyme: "There's a spider in my room."

Grumpy: "What?!!!"

Enzyme: "I said there's a spider in my room."

Grumpy: "What the hell? So squash it and let me sleep."


Grumpy: "Hello?"

Enzyme: "I'm scared of spiders."

It wasn't even that big, FFS.

"Are you shitting me?"


Anonymous said...

Reminds me of a neighbor. Let me set the stage: Guy is huge, bald, looks like the meanest of all bouncers at the toughest bar. One day I heard him screaming so I looked over. There was a garden snake in his driveway. A harmless garden snake. I thought it was pretty funny, but he wasn't amused!

Anonymous said...

The same spider in a better mood. See http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/arachnology/images/31947178/title/cute-jumping-spider-photo

--Queen Anne's Lace

Packer said...

So, care to admit what your fear is , heights, flying, bugs, snakes, clowns, dogs, cats, bats,snakes, germs, closed tight spaces,water, being on a boat, open spaces, bridges, tunnels. thunderstorms. I know people who have those fears.

tbunni said...

My husband is not afraid of snakes, spiders, etc. But he IS afraid of....mice. Yup, rats are fine, but mice - not so much. Not sure why. My unreasonable phobia? Moths. Big, hairy-bodied vampire moths. They always go straight for my throat/face. So I take care of any mouse problem, and he gets rid of moths for me. Maybe that's why we've been married for 32 years.

Anonymous said...

Did you find and squash the spider for him?

Hildy said...

Packer: I'm scared of poverty.

Anonymous said...

Few Spiders at sea....

Herohog said...

I was at a friends and noticed a very small green spider close by. I wiggled my finger several inches away in front of it and it was tracking my fingers movements. Cool. Then it LEAPS onto my finger... NOT cool! I threw my shoulder out flinging it off as I squealed like a girl... :-(

Anonymous said...

This immediately came to mind: http://i.imgur.com/CKl5hmM.gif

Packer said...

@ Hildy, that is a very real one. I was involved with the IRS for 10 years, we finally got them to admit , but I have to tell you every envelope that came from them used to send


There the big fear, it is spoken.

Hey Ibee, there is a big I*R*S Lien in my room can you kill it for me.

Heidi said...

Those giant Japanese Hornets - both hubby and I can't get ourselves and dogs in the house fast enough. We'll live release snakes (except copperheads, they must die) and love to watch spiders. Ever see spiders mate? Hysterical. Everybody's got something that turns them into crazy people.

Anonymous said...

I have many of those fears on Packer's list, heights, flying (do fly though), spiders (ICK), squish 'em though when able to, bats in the house (very frightening) and now paralysis.

Yep, have primary progressive MS, neurology has nothing for me and I'm on my way. Whee, maybe the dang spiders aren't quite so bad after all. At least the one in the picture above is pretty cute, but ONLY because he's in a picture NOT sitting next to me. Shudder.

Poverty is also a fear that is going to be experienced on disability, AACK, so again the spiders could be worse. Love mice and G pigs and hamsters though, adorable.

Moose said...

Most everyone has a phobia and if you want people to respect yours, respect theirs.

However. I'm not particularly afraid of spiders. Wherever I've lived I've always had a "bathroom spider," which I've always jokingly called "my pet."

Then I moved to Michigan. One night I was using the computer while lying in bed and over the top of the screen came this GIGANTIC hairy Wolf Spider.

I didn't know someone as fat as I am can actually levitate from a horizontal position, directly into the air. YEEEAUUUUGH!

Anonymous said...

I have a granddaughter who is terrified of spiders. When she was seven, she was using the downstairs bathroom and suddenly we heard her screaming. Her mom and I rushed to the steps thinking someone was murdering her but she was so upset all she could do was stammer. sp..sp...spider. Her mom, exasperated took her by the arm saying. 'There's nothing to worry about spiders' and took her back to the bathroom all the while telling her to calm down and not be afraid. Then sudden silence for several seconds, then I hear my daughter say...'I..I...I think this is a job for grandma.' And yes, it was the biggest spider I'd ever seen.

Jedi Master Ivyan said...

While pregnant with my second child, I had a recurring dream that I was lying in bed, looking up at the ceiling, and seeing a big wolf spider walking up the wall and across the ceiling.

At this point, I would wake, lying in my bed, looking up at the ceiling, and panic. Was it a dream or is there a big spider that just fell off the ceiling into my bed??? Recurring dream. Even though this happened multiple times, I still panicked because it was just plausible enough to have actually happened.

Roni said...

Back in the day, when I was a younger woman, I was active duty Marine Corp. One day while I was busy typing away at my computer, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a HUGEMUNGOUS palmetto bug crawling up the walk. I jumped up, screaming all the while, ran across the room, grabbed a phone book, squished it, and rand out of the room. By the time I got back to the office, the scene was reenacted by a fellow subordinate for all to see and laugh about. BTW, I still hate those things! YUK!

CatHerder said...

I'm okay with daddy longlegs, and I can tolerate small wolf spiders as long as I can catch them and throw them outside. Solfugids, on the other hand, are right out. They live in the desert on the west side of town and grow to be enormous. Try looking them up on google. They are significantly scarier than that adorable jumping spider you posted. They also grow to be HUGE and chase people and animals around.

Anonymous said...

Used to be OK with spiders until one bit me while I was spackling outdoors. 3 weeks to heal, painful for most of that time. I'm now allergic to spiders, so need to kill or avoid 'em. But I have no repulsion.

Mice on the other hand, no thanks. One jumped in my face as a teenager when I was trying to corner it and rescue it from the cupboard. I thought it was gonna go in my eyes but it hit the floor running.

I think there's a biological repulsion that kicks in with even mild threat. With that and other primers for disgust, and you couldn't get me to touch one, alive or dead, and I never have liked the smell.
I was very glad when my old dog "cleaned" the mousetrap for me so I never had to see or handle the mouse I had freaked out at.

I don't have problems with pet rodents which are not mice or rats. I owned a hamster and would again. They don't smell mousy.

My mom on the other hand would never even touch my hamster and didn't want to be around it... so I know it's genetic.

Inborn repulsion to rodents and extreme hygenie as a reaction to any sight of one probably is lifesaving. Plagues, rats biting babies, and such.

Some of it is appliable to say, roaches and other insects signifying food being ruined or carrying mold, especially if allergies could be a factor.

Insect fears might have a different trigger mechanism due to different threat (toxic, venom, signalling environmental pollution.)

All I know is I hate roaches and have asthma from them, so I go nearly as crazy about roaches as I do about mice. Spiders, no problem, even though I've gotten hives from them.

Maybe if I ever saw spiders strolling near my food stores or silverware, I'd feel differently. I think I well might.

Locations of visitors to this page