Tuesday, December 1, 2015

2015 Gift Guide

Yes, as the planet's revolution brings us back around to the holiday season, it's once again time for the annual... Dr. Grumpy's Gift Guide!

I'm going to kick off this year with a musical item. How many times have you been at a party and thought, "Gee, it would really liven up this party if I could just whip out a flute to crank tunes?" I know, it's a pretty common occurrence.

At the same time, how often do you find yourself trying to cover up an attack of terrible flatulence in a social setting, and wishing you had a way to cleverly hide it? Me, too.

Well, now you can solve both problems with... THE RECTOFLUTE!


"Boy, can that asshole play the flute."

Simply slip this gadget, with its "ergonomic easy entry shape" into your rear end, and start ripping off some tunes! Using the muscles of your nether regions you can perform all kinds of colonic symphonies. Plus, it comes in 3 vibrant colors!

It doesn't say if it comes with any sort of manual, training DVD, or shit sheet music.

Dr. Grumpy takes no responsibility for your laundry bills if you play with too much enthusiasm.

13 comments:

Powers said...

I wonder if anyone actually sells this. All I can find online is copies of this ad image; no one has a link to the actual seller.

Aaaand now I can't wait to see what ads Google shows me on every site.

Officer Cynical said...

I believe this is how Kenny G got started.

Martin Barre said...

Wow! Now I can do double duty! Looks like we don't need Ian anymore!

Anonymous said...

Glad I've got perfect pitch too! As long as it's B-flat(ulence).

clairesmum said...

prepubescent boys do pretty well with what Nature provides...and even if this does not exist, the imaginary ER scenarios are wild!!

Caractacus Potts said...

This gives me a great idea for a new candy.

Sarah D said...

Puts a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ripping a song'

Anonymous said...

I'm waiting for them to come out with a bassoon.

Anonymous said...

Ewwww.

Anonymous said...

Advertising slogan: "You can take it and stick it up your ass!"

BobF said...

Adagio in a church pew.

bobbie said...

But is it Artisinal???

Denise Perry said...

@bobbie: I think you mean artis-anal. :D

 
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