Monday, December 14, 2015

Gift guide - Star Wars edition - part I

My first contact with Star Wars was in the spring of 1977, when my friend Mark and his family took me to see Wizards, a sadly forgotten, but quite good, animated movie by Ralph Bakshi. The showing was preceded by a "coming attractions" trailer for Star Wars. The only thing I remember of it at all was Chewbacca (though to my aging memory I thought he had white fur in the clip), storm troopers, and lasers. I saw the movie itself a few weeks later. For the first few months after seeing it I thought the storm troopers were supposed to be robots, not guys in worthless armor.

Little did I, or anyone, know where this would lead us. Consider: In the 1970's, my dad showed me old clips of the Flash Gordon cliff hanger serials he went to see in the theaters on Saturdays. At that time the serials were roughly 40 years old. Some nostalgia for them, yes, but certainly not appealing to a new generation. Even the campy 1980 movie, with Queen doing the soundtrack, wasn't able to re-start the franchise.

Today? Well, it's almost 40 years later, similar time difference now from when Star Wars first came out... and it's more popular than ever. Kids still are fascinated with it. Adults still are fascinated. Some argue that the new movie is being pushed down our throats, but let's face it: this is all driven by money. If there wasn't a huge demand for it, no studio would put up the money to make it. Like the heavy criticism of early-opening Black Friday sales, the bottom line is that it's being done by consumers, not by stores. If there was no public demand to go kill someone to buy discounted TV's at 2:00 a.m., no store would waste money being open at that time.

The original Star Wars, likely because no one expected it to be a success (least of all 20th Century Fox who only spent a paltry $9 million for it) had no product tie-ins initially. Movie merchandising was nothing new even then. Toys and fast-food movie-related crap have been around a while.

But certainly, once the movie exploded in the theaters, the commercial tie-ins took off like mad. A pattern that followed its successors and changed the industry forever began.

But I don't remember it being this insane. And that's saying a lot considering I remember the bizarre 1999 ads featuring Colonel Sanders (with a lightsaber), the Taco Bell chihuahua, and the previously unknown (and not seen since) Pizza Hut Girl (Really! That was her name!) uniting to fight the dark side and make the galaxy safe for greasy food, strokes, and coronary artery disease.

It reminds me of a late 70's Funky Winkerbean strip (back when it was funny) where a TV program was interviewing a producer about the characters in a new space movie, and all the toys, fast food collectible cups, T-shirts, and other merchandise from them. As the strip went on he admitted they hadn't actually made a movie at all, since it seemed like a waste of marketing dollars.

Anyway, besides the previously published Darth Vader shower and toaster, here are some of the merchandising horrors (thanks to all who sent them) you can consider for the co-worker you don't like but have to get something for, the person who actually collects every POS that says "limited collector's edition" even if it's something no one in their right mind (except Frank) would actually put in their closet, and anyone else who's just dying to own a pair of Yoda-themed dish sponges.














Anyone else remember the 70's comic book where Vader picked up a cup of coffee and you wondered how he was going to drink it? Anyone?


Foreigners putting the Lucky Charms leprechaun out of a job.

 





To show you I'm not above this... Here is my own, original, 1977 Chewbacca miniature action figure. It came in a set with R2D2 (which made clicking noises when you turned its head), Luke Skywalker (with an extendable, and rapidly broken, lightsaber in the right arm) and one other figure I don't remember. Maybe Ben Kenobi. As you can see, Chewbacca has a broken left hip. I think I still have R2D2 somewhere, without legs and a marble stuck in him, and maybe Luke, with the left arm gone and the lightsaber broken. Probably in the back of Frank's closet.





Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I borrowed them all from my friend Mike and didn't give them back (maybe I stole them). Sorry, Mike. If I can find you on Google I'll ship 'em over.


To be continued...

17 comments:

Moose said...

WIZARDS! Dear god, with all the crap going on today, someone should pull that out as a reminder of what hateful propaganda can do.


I didn't get to see it (the first time) until around '82.

I saw Star Wars in '77 during the heat of the Summer of Sam. I'd been shipped off to some hellhole of a camp in New Hampster and they rented out the whole local theater and dragged us to go see it.

The Condign Gentleman said...

When I first saw "The Empire Strikes Back," the biggest revelation for me wasn't when Darth Vader revealed that he was Luke's [REDACTED]. It was finally learning who the hell this "Boba Fett" action figure was.

Anonymous said...

I can see the band aids as reasonable, and I'm disturbed to admit I'd love to find that season's greetings shirt for my husband...

Anonymous said...

PS: My husband still hasn't forgiven his mother for putting his action figures on the window sill when he went to camp. Turned his Stormtrooper yellow and Vader's lightsaber pink.

Cedar said...

Sigh - I will admit that I did buy some of the Star Wars themed cosmetic sets. Evidently they are just what my nearly-17 year old daughter wants for Christmas (if I can trust her sisters). I really hope she doesn't emulate the 'look' illustrated on the backs of the boxes, though, unless she's doing cosplay.

Art4Empfaenger said...

Wow! I'd buy these condoms immediately!

Still waiting for the thermometers, though. One (Start Trek) to boldly go where no one has before, and one "for the dark side". ;)

Packer said...

I went to see Heart of the Sea, a Ron Howard film of some merit, on Friday loosely based on the book of the same name.
The book was one of the best ever. The film , as stated was pretty decent. I mention this now, because it will probably be the last time anyone hears of it. Like Star Wars it is based on a true story. You do know Star Wars is based on a true story, right ?

Powers said...

"If there was no public demand to go kill someone to buy discounted TV's at 2:00 a.m., no store would waste money being open at that time."

I think this is oversimplifying things a bit. Consumers will buy TVs when those TVs are cheapest. If the cheapest price is available at 2am on the day after Thanksgiving, then that's when the consumers will feel compelled to shop -- even if they'd really rather be sleeping.

Yes, there are a few out there who truly enjoy it, but many more who feel like they have to do it in order to get the best deals.

Deb said...

I think the t-shirt could be popular, and the condoms.

These starwars hoodies are pretty awsome too.

http://www.geekalerts.com/u/Star-Wars-Chewbacca-Zip-Hoodie.jpg
http://www.gadgetreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Star-Wars-Yoda-Hoodie-1.jpg

The Jedi Sales Master said...

You want to buy all these products.
They are all reasonably priced.
You can afford them.
You can take out a bank loan.

Renee said...

Most of the non-food stuff actually makes sense for Star-Wars themed gifts - my son would love the basketball and the slippers. Cereal and macaroni I can see as plausible since the primary audience is kids, and sometimes that can be the bargaining chip you need to get Junior to finish his g**d*** meal.

The coffee mate and the coffee are pushing it, though. Just need a Star Wars bathrobe and a Star Wars razor to go with the shower head and the toaster, and then the Star Wars Morning Routine would be complete. lol

Anonymous said...

Chewbacca slippers look comfy. My neighbor used to have a little pooch whose facial features resembled the hairy creature. Except. When 'Chumley' smiled, his tiny line of crooked pearls looked like he was trying to kill you with his grin. Dear Chumley, a pound puppy, if I ever saw one. RIP little Chumley, and your human, too.

I am of an age group where I didn't really understand why Trekkies were so crazy about their adventures, nor Dr Who and his telephone booth --that was the older kids in high school, and I was just at the age where I was thrilled to receive a real hand-held calculator for Christmas, no, make that graduation --digital (except we didn't call them 'digital' in 1976) so we didn't have to surreptitiously bribe someone in the typing and accounting department to borrow their equipment to hand-calculate calculus homework, but too old for sock hops, penny loafers, and two-tone oxfords. Actually, I'm of that very narrow age group in which we learned to use slide rules in 9th grade, and then three years later were allowed to take home the math department supply when we graduated; no more slide rules.

So, I can only appreciate these as genre, or work of art (?), like the Gojira films; i.e. King Kong vs. Godzilla

So, my kids enjoyed the first Star Wars and, now, well, they can still enjoy the second go-round.

Liz Harris said...

Gotta get me some Yoda slippers to wear when check the mailbox. They'll be the hit of the neighborhood and the La Bruja across the street wil be soooooo jealous.

bobbie said...

I LOVED "Wizards"!!!!!!!

Don said...

Another "Wizards" fan here, but I also enjoyed what was supposed to be the blockbuster hit of the year, 'Damnation Alley" with George Peppard. My girlfriend(now wife of 36 years) and I saw it while stationed near Salt Lake City. I still remember the classic line from it, after Paul Winfield's character gets consumed by giant cockroaches: "Salt Lake City is infested with killer cockroaches!"
Camp doesn't get much better than that...

Allyson said...

That t-shirt is actually pretty hilarious. And Star Wars Bandaids don't bother me; I've gotten Muppet and Hello Kitty ones for my kids in the past. But Star Wars condoms? They're funny, but would you trust them?

Yoda Slippers said...

My first contact with Star Wars was in the spring of 1977, when my friend ... yodaslippers.blogspot.com

 
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