Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Question

Dr. Grumpy: "Any other questions?"

Mr. Clueless: "Yeah, but maybe it's not related."

Dr. Grumpy: "What's up?"

Mr. Clueless: "My wife is having a baby soon. When does the doctor poke holes in her nipples to let the milk out?"

37 comments:

Crazy Cady said...

Please tell me you made that up.

Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

No wonder my babies all starved despite my best efforts !~! Who knew?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

No, I didn't.

VinceD said...

hahahahahahah wow.

JulieD said...

I'd say that's pretty unrelated.

HOPEFULLY, anyway.

bobbie said...

Walter Tango Foxtrot?!?!?!?!?

How on EARTH did you keep from falling to the floor in mirth and disbelief???

Olive said...

OH COME ON!

Thatgirl said...

Tell me this patient has some sort of brain damage...

Nurse Katie said...

I've heard worse. Anyone who doesn't believe people say things like this obviously doesn't work in medicine.

Liz said...

LMAO oh dear. Poor Dr. Grumpy . . . and poor wife, come to think of it . . . please tell me this man wasn't thinking of doing it himself to save money! Lol!

Trish said...

I've heard really 'out there' stuff like this from patients, too. On the one hand you kind of feel sorry for them and sad that there is still this level of ignorance - at a time when, thanks to the internet, information and knowledge has never been more accessible. But on the other hand, inside yourself you're thinking - Jesus H Christ they're procreating.

Gen said...

I just keep blinking and staring at the screen with this screwed up look on my face.

08armydoc said...

please tell me that you reverse-consulted his PCM to perform a vasectomy - there are some people that should not reproduce

Anonymous said...

eww,eww,EWW!!!

I still think you are actually a psychiatrist in disguise and not a neurologist... or Yak herder.

Anonymous said...

Ow ow ow ow *covers breasts in sympathetic imagined pain*

Anonymous said...

And he's REPRODUCING.

Cal said...

I am speechless...
Really? Really?

Mal said...

Ouch. Hope his wife knows better.

See what happens when you don't give people proper sexual health education?

I once had to explain to a high school foreign exchange student from the US that the condom did not actually go on a *banana*. Maybe no one ever explained that to your patient (or his wife).

jwg said...

OOOWWWW! I'm in pain just thinking about it. What did you answer?

Li'l Azathoth said...

"And which one is skim?"

Tee said...

Oh dear. This is scary. And disturbing. Please tell me that you made his wife promise to never let him change a diaper. Oh, the things that could go wrong!

Anonymous said...

Bang. Bang. Bang. oh...now headache from banging head against desk.

Ok, in my time as an OB/GYN nurse we had patients pregnant because they hated eating the jelly before coitus, and because they took the pill only on the days they had sex. We had underwieght neonates who were gettin Kool-Aid when the formula ran out. We had an "infertile" couple where the wife had an intact hymen but a urethra stretched out to five or six centimeters.

BUT THIS IDIOT takes the prize for stupidity on the part of someone old enough to reproduce. I really hope this baby is born via C/S and that the Fallopian tubes are "accidently" severed at the same time!!

Pattie, RN

Anonymous said...

And he didn't ask about poking a hole for the baby to get out?

Anonymous said...

"They do it at the same time they cut a hole in your penis so you can pee."

Anonymous said...

Before I had my first baby I took a breastfeeding class. I am well-educated to begin with and I'm a librarian too, so I had researched it pretty thoroughly myself and just wanted some practical advice. What did I learn? I learned that what most women don't know about their own breasts is mind-boggling. Initially I was surprised to find a few men in attendance but by the end of class I was actually relieved, because it might alleviate the bottomless pit of ignorance just a little bit. Oy.

Anonymous said...

What did you tell him?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I told him the holes come pre-installed as standard equipment.

Milla said...

Haahha, I work with breastfeeding and I have heard this one before several times. Sadly... BUT; I LOVE your answer Dr. Grumpy! :) I wish I had the guts to tell my patients that! :-)

Packer said...

He was comfortable enough to ask you , knowing you probably would not bray like a jackass. Consider yourself complemented. My ole pappy used to say don't think cause you are smart that you are any better. I try and remember that each day, and each day it is proven to me.

Jessie said...

The one thing that surprised me about breastfeeding (when using a pump) was that the milk does not come out in one stream but from multiple spots (each milk duct) like a lawn sprinkler.

arzt4empfaenger said...

... I wouldn't have been able to keep a straight face at that. XD

Anonymous said...

His wife isn't leaking milk yet? I always leaked milk from 16 weeks (n=4).

Ara said...

This is directed at Pattie, RN just because I'm curious-- how on earth does someone mistake the urethra for the vagina? I know my sexual knowledge is extremely lacking but I'm still going "mind... boggled..."

Anonymous said...

Well ... he DID ask a medical professional. (Or a Yak herder, who might have seen such goings on with momma and baby Yaks.)

Yes, it was ignorant. Yes, it is extremely funny. (I am still grinning.) But the poor man did ASK.

PA Honeybee said...

I cannot imagine the piercing of my nipples to facilitate the delivery of breast milk. As if we women have to go through something horrendous like that in addition to giving birth! Holy crap!

I do commend him for asking, and you for enlightening without laughing in his face. (you didn't laugh, right?) I may have been staring at him mouth agape or laughing before I could answer. I think of myself to be pretty professional, but, potentially not so much in an instant like this.

On a different note, I talked to a neurologist on the phone the other day whose voice sounded the way I imagine yours to sound. Hmmmm, do you ever call in Prior Authorizations yourself?

Absentbabinski said...

Dear christ, how do you get to the point of generating life and yet having so little understanding of some of the more basic physiology of it all?

Anonymous said...

To be entirely fair, women are rather unusual in that they have lots of tiny holes in the nipple rather than one like a cow, or two like a mare.

 
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