Monday, November 7, 2011

He's dead, Jim

My car battery died on Saturday, so I took it over to Local Car Place.


Dr. Grumpy: "Hi, I bought this battery around Christmas, and it's dead now."

Counter guy: "Hang on, let me check it..." (connects a gadget to battery) "Hey, your battery is dead."

Dr. Grumpy: "Yeah."

Counter guy: "Were you able to start your car with this?"

Dr. Grumpy: "No."

Counter guy: "That's because it's dead."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's why I brought it in."

Counter guy: "Yeah, it's good that you did, because it's dead. Looks like it's under warranty. Did you want another one?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes."

Counter guy: "Okay. You'll need one, because this one is dead. It won't start a car."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'll just take a new one."

Counter guy: "Let me get you one. I wouldn't continue using this one, because it's dead."

41 comments:

jon spencer said...

As Michael Palin said, "it is just resting".

Anonymous said...

No it's not! It's pining for the fjords!

amy said...

Was the battery wearing a red shirt? In that case, it was always doomed to die.

Jon said...

It's not pining! It's passed on! This battery is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet it's maker! It's a stiff...

Eileen said...

Did you get the impression he was attmepting to tell you something...

Cal said...

Did you tell him to stop beating around the bush and just give it to you straight?

jimbo26 said...

Right ................. .

Knot Telling said...

But wait, do I really need a new one? I mean, it's not dead or anything, is it?

Haven said...

I don't know if you noticed, but there might be something wrong with your batter. I'm not sure if it's dead, but it's never going to work again. Ever.

Dr Killpatient said...

It is an ex-battery!

Packer said...

Shocking end to this saga. I did get a charge out of the exchange, the fast paced dialog was electrifying, the positive outcome outweights the negative perfomances of the actors.

Check your system, battery of that age should not be dead, don't just figure it is the battery--those Range Rovers that neurologist drive are notorious for this.

Anonymous said...

So do you find it awkward when you run in to your patients outside of the office? I appreciate your respecting hippa and all, but this guy was clearly one of your yaks...

Anonymous said...

Duh, duh, duh, deader than a doorknob. You know? Kaput. Done for. I wouldn't keep it around anymore, if I were you. A dead battery isn't good for much of anything, especially if you're trying to run your car with it. Yeah. Dead, dead, dead. Why don't you get rid of it? Should we get you one that is not dead?

Don said...

maybe he had a bet with a coworker about how many times he could say dead

Snarky Scalpel said...

Seriously, Ibee... how many times do you need to hear that it's dead before you finally accept that sad fact? I mean, kudos to the guy for so patiently and repetitively explaining it! :P

Liz said...

But was it dead?

Anonymous said...

Death is the last chapter in time, but the first chapter in eternity.
May he rest in peace!

bobbie said...

I'm with Jon!!! That classic scene was exactly what I was thinking!!

Kristen said...

Clearly a lot of Monty Python fans here. Dr Killpatient beat me to the ex-parrot (er, battery) line. ;)

Chivas said...

On his blog he complains about how many times he has to tell customers that a battery is died before they understand.

Frantic Pharmacist said...

I think you got caught in a Monty Python-sketch time warp.

Anonymous said...

Battery: I'm not dead yet. I'm getting better.

bryce.schroeder said...

What a coincidence - I had a discharged battery on Saturday too. Took forever for the truck to find my car on top of the airport parking garage, too...

Anonymous said...

It is nice to know that if employment in the fast food industry doesn't work out there are always jobs in retail auto parts.

Anonymous said...

You don't think the battery is just in a deep coma? Anyway, you are lucky. Mine usually die just days after the warranty has expired

Trish said...

Are you sure it's really dead? Perhaps another opinion is needed.

Anonymous said...

For my last dead battery, I got into an argument with the sales guy over where I bought the car, seven years ago.

Seriously? "The computer needs it to be accurate."

Silliyak said...

If only you'd had a portable EEG (have I got that right?) machine to hook him up to to announce, you're brain dead!

FemGeek said...

Are you sure you don't live in NJ? Some years back, I called our local AAA station when my car wouldn't start. I had already tried to jump-start it, but it didn't turn over; just clicked, so I figured it was probably the starter. AAA guy isn't exactly the brightest bulb in the chandelier: his daughter's name is the same as mine (and is the feminine version of his name) but he could never remember my name (this in a town of 250 people, where everyone knows everyone). So I shouldn't have been surprised when, after I told him about my unsuccessful attempt to jump-start the car, he insisted on doing the same thing. Dialog went something like this:

Me: "It won't work; it just clicks. I think it's the starter."

Him (after trying to jump-start it): "Hmm, that didn't work."

Me: "I know. I think it's the starter."

Him. "Hmmmm...maybe it's the starter".

Me: "You think?"

He fiddled with it, got it going, and we took it to his station, where he wanted to install a starter he had pulled out of another car. Couldn't seem to understand why I didn't want to replace a bad starter with another bad starter...

Oy.

EDNurseasauras said...

Live long and prosper, new battery.

Andrew_M_Garland said...

I hope that your hospital information desk has more sensitivity in similar situations.

Mockingbird said...

I think an autopsy is in order!

Perhaps if you were to give your new battery a nice name like Evoltaline, if it's a female battery, or Amp, if it's male, it would thrive long time. Stop laughing, this is important.
You might consider putting those little chef caps you see on turkey drumsticks at the country club on the battery's terminals.
Lastly, don't forget the date of purchase of your new battery, as it can become little Amps BIRTHDAY, every year!

pharmacy chick said...

I dunno, maybe you better take it to another place for a second opinion...

terri c said...

Dr Killpatient indeed beat me to it. How I love that sketch! "Isn't the plumage lovely?" The worst, absolutely worst, funeral homily I ever heard started like this:

We are gathered here together

Because a very special person has died.

Joe is dead.

He won't be comin' back.

(At this point I had an almost-overpowering urge to leap up and screm either, "Wait, isn't this the Johnson wedding???" or "He CAN'T be dead, he owes me 20 bucks!!!")

Cthulhu Sashimi said...

Won't he be surprised tonight when he discovers that the battery is actually undead?

Moose said...

"He's dead, Jim. You grab his tricorder, I'll get the wallet."

prisoneroftoday said...

Next time refuse to let him check the charge of the battery and use it as an opportunity to demonstrate the whole Schroedinger's cat thing.

Anonymous said...

Ha! Glad I'm not the only one that had Star Trek quotes in my head. ;)

cliffintokyo said...

Next new movie up:
Revenge of the zombie batteries?

Anonymous said...

Maybe he was miffed that you had diagnosed the problem yourself, Dr. Grumpy, and felt the need to say 'dead' more often than you did to show that HE is the expert?

PA Honeybee said...

It wasn't just mostly dead? If it was mostly dead, it would still be slightly alive. You might try to take it to Miracle Max, he could give you a chocolate coated pill to revive it.

Sorry, just had to interject my Pricess Bride lines into this conversation to change it up a little.....

 
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