Earlier this week I joked with a friend that if they really wanted to give shoppers "The Jewish Experience" they'd have some old lady there, telling people to stand up straight and making them feel guilty about something.
It was a joke. That was all.
So last night, on the way home, I stopped at the store for apples and a round challah for Rosh Hashanah. I found the "Jewish Experience" display with a pile of challahs, grabbed one... And was blindsided. This ancient silver-haired grandmother pounced on me out of nowhere.
Grandma Crabgrass: "That one's not fresh."
Dr. Grumpy: "Excuse me?"
Grandma Crabgrass: "That challah. It isn't fresh."
Dr. Grumpy: "It feels fresh."
Grandma Crabgrass: "It's not."
Dr. Grumpy: "Fine" (puts down challah A, grabs challah B, starts to turn away)
Grandma Crabgrass: "That one's stale, too. They're all hard as rocks."
Dr. Grumpy: "They're fine. It's not like they're leftover from last year's Rosh Hashanah."
Grandma Crabgrass: "How do you know? Your mother wouldn't approve of that challah."
Dr. Grumpy: "Look. I'm taking this challah and leaving."
Grandma Crabgrass: "You'll need two."
She wasn't even one of my patients.