Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Criminal hygiene

Okay, tonight we feature not one, but two memorable criminals.

The first is a dude who picked a really gross place to hide from the police: under a pile of shit in a port-a-potty.

Thank you, Carol!

And second: no matter how good a deal the store may be offering on that fancy mink coat, it may not be worth it. For all you know it's been stuffed up in a lady's crotch for 3 days.

Thank you, Lee!

14 comments:

Solitary Diner said...

How big is her underwear?

Anonymous said...

Okay, good doctor...there are certain things one might have lived another day and not ever have any need to hear about. Not that I'll ever be wanting to try on a mink coat, but a pink fake fur would elicit the same 'ick' response.

The story of the outhouse just puts fodder to the lurking suspicion there's someone 'down there' waiting to grab my buttinsky. Thanks for the new twist on my old nightmare.

IMQTPI said...

Eww, Just Eww!

Quarter Life Crisis said...

I used to be rather proud of growing up in Colorado and now living in Minneapolis...I'll have to rethink that just a little...

Slave to ungrateful lawyers said...

no surprise he got away when he ran. Who wants to chase down and then wrestle a shit covered moron? If I were that cop, I'd let him get away too. Blech!

Leslie Clay said...

I had the exact same thought as Solitary Diner

Anonymous said...

It is said that loss of the sense of smell is one of the early signs of dementia...

ERP said...

I wonder if that mink was mistaken for a case of poor personal hygeine.

Packer said...

Did none of you read that first article. Guy is 6 feet 4 and could contort himself into a porta potty drop zone--at a yoga festival of all places. Sounds like there was a bet involved there.

Whenever I doubt the normal life that is mine, I read Grumpy and am reassured--it is not me.

thatsit said...

Stop! Police! Wait-nevermind, run. Run away...

Jessa said...

Those must have been some huge-ass granny panties to hide a whole coat...

Ilona said...

She could hide an entire coat in her underwear? And it wasn't immediately bloody obvious? Just how LARGE is this woman? Lordy.

Loren Pechtel said...

You think he was in the port-a-potty to hide from the cops? I see no mention of the cops looking for him until he was spotted--I think this is one of the guys who gets off on watching a woman go.

As for the mink coat--just how big was she that it fit???

Shalom said...

The first case reminded of an article I saw in Jay Leno's "Headlines" series, I think volume 2: obviously this one didn't make it to TV. From a paper in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, complete with spelling peculiarities: (as close as I can come from memory, the book's not here)
---
Shit Saves Thief

A suspected thief evaded arrest yesterday by smearing himself with his own shit, it has been learnt.

The unidentified man had stolen a trouser from a woman's line along Upanga Road, according to an eyewitness, Ndugu Denis Magubila. An enraged crowd pursued the man into a vacant lot, where they surrounded him and forced him to untire the stolen trouser, which he had already worn inside his own worn-out trouser.

"The man stayed still for some minutes, forcing himself to shit," said Ndugu Magubila. "Then he grasped the shit with both hands and smeared it across his body."

No one was able to arrest the already-smelling middle-aged thief, who escaped on foot toward the Atlantic Ocean, presumably to have a bath.
----
As to the second story, the New York Daily News had a picture of her, as well as the following quote:

"She had modified her underwear," Bloomington Police Commander Mark Stehlik said. "She actually cut the rear of the underwear out so that from the back it appeared she was not wearing underwear and then stuffed it down the front."

I'm not even gonna comment on that. I can't.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/2011/06/21/2011-06-21_woman_pleads_guilty_to_keeping_stolen_fur_coat_stashed_in_her_underwear_for_3_da.html

 
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