"Great Opportunity! Live in scenic Nofuckingwhere! Incredible Salary!"And they always have pictures of stunningly attractive men and women, with amazingly cute children, doing outdoor activities. Or attending the theater. Or doing anything but wading through a huge pile of charts with a lobby full of patients. They make the jobs sound so wonderful that you wonder why the previous doc left.
These things have all sorts of catchphrases about remarkable salary, fast-track to partnership, limited call, great public schools, outdoor activities, cultural events, etc. Usually it runs something like this: "Practice in a beautiful area, where you can live 5 minutes from the beach, mountains, and international opera house. World class schools in an area with absolutely no crime, drug problems, or pesticides. Enjoy year-round skiing, golf, wind-surfing, fishing, kayaking, and snowboarding. Call schedule is 1 in 365, with no hospital coverage. Earn $175 billion dollars a year and a generous program to help you pay back your med school loans, with a fast-track to partnership."
So, as a courtesy to other medical professionals, I've waded through these things and collected the most commonly used phrases, and now offer a translation:
"World Class Medicine": (which world? Neptune?)
"Directorship position": You're the only doc for 500 miles.
"Practice without limits": Patients will push the envelope like you wouldn't believe.
"Short drive from recreational opportunities": Not that you'll ever have time to go, but you can drop the kids off on your way to work.
"Theater events": The high school kids put on "Li'l Abner" in the fall.
"Low Crime rates": Everyone has a gun, and shoots on sight.
"Invigorating river nearby": We're downstream from a sewage plant.
"Unique patients": Inbred families with webbed fingers.
"Fine shopping": We have a Walmart AND a Target!
"Fine local cuisine": Whoppers, Big Macs, AND Wendy's"
"Wholesome community": Minorities kept out at gun point.
"Join a growing practice": You're it.
"Moving bonus": Biff will come help you unload your truck
"University town": ER is full of drunken fratboys.
"Physician-friendly hospital administration": And you can see Bigfoot here, too. Pigs also fly.
"Competitive salary": You'll make more than you would at the local McD's. But not much.
"Generous benefits": Secretary has a bowl of M&M's on her desk.
"Cultural offerings": Office fridge hasn't been cleaned in years.
"Topnotch school system": Most kids finished 8th grade.
And my favorite:
"Year round activities": What does that mean? Hell, cleaning my house is a year round activity.