Take me out to the ball game

So, yesterday the hospital gave us lowly doctors a trip to the baseball game, to cheer on the Grumpyville 9. They offered us discount tickets ($5 each) and so the Grumpy gang dug out some baseball hats, foam fingers, and other junk, and headed for the park.


Okay. Let's go. There's the gate. Wow. I can't believe how much they charge for parking. No, Frank, I have no idea what those people are protesting or boycotting or whatever. Just ignore them.

Really? Cash? How much will you pay for my tickets? Hey honey, wanna sell them to a scalper? Sorry, I can't. My wife just said she'll emasculate me if I do.

Already, Marie? Christ, why didn't you go at home? Okay, there's one over there. You're hungry, too? All of you are? Didn't we give you Goldfish Crackers in the car? Fine. We'll get some food before we find our seats.

Okay, 5 hot dogs, some nachos. Frank, can you help me carry this? Thanks. Good thing the bank has an office here, so I could take out a home equity loan to pay for the food. I never thought I'd see the day where Disneyland food looked cheap.

Don't spill the Diet Cokes, Frank, or you'll die. We're over in "special section" G-17, whatever that means. I think it's over there.

Here we are. Hold my tray so I can show the guy our tickets.

WHATTHEFUCKDOYOUMEANTHATALLTHEFOODINTHESPECIALSECTIONISFREE?!!!

HOLYCRAPIJUSTTOOKOUTASECONDMORTGAGETOPAYFORTHESEHOTDOGS!!!

Great. Okay. Let's take that table over there.

You're done with your hot dog Craig? Go get another one. The free buffet is over there. I don't care if you're not hungry. We're gonna get our money's worth.

Marie, don't wear the foam finger on your head during the national anthem.

Oooh, there's that new cardiologist, the hot blond lady, at the Coke machine... And some of the cute family practice residents are over at that table by the nachos... No dear, I'm just reading the scoreboard.

Crap. Dr. Loud is here. He's so obnoxious. He's making the rounds, too. I hope he doesn't come to our table.

I'm going for another hot dog. No, Frank, I don't care if you're full. Go get some more nachos. We may not feed you for another week.

HOME RUN! GRUMPYVILLE HIT A HOME RUN! THE CROWD GOES WILD! STAND UP AND CHEER, KIDS!

OMG! That cute little family practice resident doesn't shave her pits! Don't think I wanted to see that...

Marie, have some more popcorn and peanuts. No, I don't care. Shut up and eat. Find room.

Dr. Loud is at the table next to us. Crap. I don't want to talk to him. I hope he doesn't come sit with us next. Kids, don't look at him. His hideous shirt may blind you.

Grumpyville is down 5 to 1 in the 3rd inning. This isn't looking good.

No, Marie, I don't know when, or if, they're going to put dessert out. Go have another hot dog, and bring some back for your brothers.

Honey, how many of these hot dogs do you think you can fit in your purse? We could have some for dinner tomorrow, too.

Gang, you know the rules of baseball. You don't cheer wildly every freaking time somebody on either team hits the ball. That doesn't always mean something good.

The other team scored again. I'm going to go get some more nachos.

Oh, there's the hot blond cardiologist down on the concourse. Looks like she brought her sister to the game.

They're making out. I'm starting to think that's not her sister.

The other team scored again.

Frank, Craig, go have another hot dog. I'll be damned if I let the stadium come out ahead on this deal.

Where's Marie? Oh, she went to go ask when they're putting out dessert.

Where did Dr. Loud go? He's over there now. Good. I hope he skips our table. I can't stand him.

Frank, if you hit that lady with your foam finger again, she's going to punch you out, and I won't blame her, either.

The other team scored again... What all that noise?

Holy crap! Soomebody's kid is attacking the food-service guy who's taking care of the hot dog trays!

Shit! That's MY kid! MARIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry, sir. I really am. Here's a tip. Sorry. MARIE! Go sit over there!

Marie, you can't start kicking the waiter just because he told you that there's no dessert coming.

The other team scored again.

Hey! Dr. Loud is leaving! WTF? Hey, you fat slob! You schmoozed with every other damn table here EXCEPT MINE? What's up with that? Me and my family aren't good enough for you? What an obnoxious prick.

Let's go, people, this game is pathetic. Grumpyville is down 9-2 in the 5th inning. Everyone grab 2 hot dogs. We're gonna live off this stuff for the rest of the week. And some of those relish packets, too.

No, we are NOT buying ice cream on the way out.

Where the hell did we park?