Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Tuesday Morning, 1:47 a.m.

"Hello, um, we worked together, in 1995, I think you were in residency at the time. Anyway, I hate to bother you, but I really need some Vicodin or something called in, because I have really bad neck pain, and back then I mentioned it to you. I'm not a junkie because I used to have a nursing license and learned all about these drugs, and why you shouldn't abuse them, so if you could please call some Vicodin in to Local Pharmacy I really need it."

33 comments:

Doris said...

Um...WTF?

>:p

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Doris- That was my reaction, too.

Anonymous said...

So, since mentioning her neck pain to you in 1995, she has exhausted all the other physicians she has ever known? Is that why she's calling you?

I wonder why she USED to have a nursing license.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Anon- Yeah, I thought the "used to" part was the best.

In the perverse logic these people have, she likely remembered me, or found me in the phonebook, and figured she had nothing to lose.

The Good Cook said...

Wow. That's just sad on so many levels.

ttpharmd said...

Students must be SO smart these days; even those in medical assistant programs. If I had a dime for every time I heard "oh no, I don't need counseling on my prescription because I'm in school to be a medical assistant/cna/nurse/ect." I would be a gazillionaire. :)

CrownedwithVictory said...

Looks like you just got a call from my MIL.

Jacqueline said...

OMG...that reminds me of "Mr Jimmy", my dad's roommate at the hospital. I'll have to write about that experience sometime.

Who bothers a doc in the middle of the night unless you are dying? For the love of God, go to the street corner and score some crack or something.

LilMsHppyPillz said...

Rule #1, if you say you're not a junkie, you're a junkie.

Gert said...

First, I thought it was just hysterically funny....

Then I thought, wow...that's really sad.

Frantic Pharmacist said...

Awww, how nice of that old friend to contact you -- and at 1:47 am too.
Must have been the Christmas spirit or something. Sheeeessshhhhh.

Old MD Girl said...

But he's a NURSE!! Obviously he cannot be a junkie.

Um, I took an anesthesia class in med school. Can I have some propofol please? It's for sleep. I NEED it.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Old MD Girl- call 1-800-CONRADMURRAY for Propofol.

mojitogirl said...

OK. Now you need to add a "NO I AM NOT A JUNKIE" mug to the Dr. Grumpy merchandise.

pathetic said...

"Hello, um, you probably don't remember me (as we've never met), but I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Anyway, I hate to bother you, but I really need some Morphine or something called in (fresh needles and syringes would be nice too...), because I have really bad lower back pain, as do most quadrupeds who went bipedal. I'm not a junkie because I used to have that game "Operation" when I was a kid and I know all about lighting up the patient's nose with the forceps, so if you could please call some CII opioids in to Local Pharmacy I really need it. Oh, and if you could pick it up and pay for it and deliver it to my house, that would be great. Oh yeah, and while you're out, I could use some bleach and ice-cream as well. Thanks!"

Sleep deprivation - another good reason to be Grumpy.

The Pronon Man said...

So she's worked her way back to 1995. A few more months and she'll be calling her old pediatrician, and then her mother's old ob-gyn...

ERP said...

That is absolutely ridiculous beyond reason.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

ERP- would you rather have her in your ER?

I agree with you. Just nuts.

But these people have no reason.

Anonymous said...

Pronon, the even sadder part is the DO call their old pedi, or their kids' pedi, or their best friend's brother's stepkid's pediatrician. most of the time they are "smart" enough to just ask for "codeine cough syrup" because the kid can't sleep. always a tipoff when you don't hear coughing in the background!

RxMomma said...

I hope you hung up on him/her......and then called the local pharmacy to be on the lookout for a fraudulent phone call coming in from someone trying to impersonate you.

God almighty... the amount of stupid pages you get astounds me!

Mary B. said...

I hate to bother you, but I really need some Morphine or something called in (fresh needles and syringes would be nice too...), because I have really bad lower back pain, as do most quadrupeds who went bipedal. I'm not a junkie because I used to have that game "Operation" when I was a kid and I know all about lighting up the patient's nose with the forceps.

AmbulanceGirl said...

Did anyone else catch the ad for Sober College at the bottom of these comments?? Ha ha ha

Anonymous said...

I just love junkie logic.

I bet he/she got bounced from the local ER, and started dialing any human who could write a script.

LD50 Rat

Word vert-->fablys, as in the junkie thought his friend, 4 times removed would believe his fablys excuse for Oxycontin.

Anonymous said...

Dr. G, while I would like to think that you are really just a well educated English major with a flair for storytelling...I have to conclude that you ARE a working MD, and are also a total SHIT MAGNET! Where do these people come from.....and how do they ALL find YOU???????

Pattie, RN

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Pattie- Dunno. If I knew that, I'd had.

Actually, I'm not so sure I get any more shit than anyone else. I just write about it.

And yes, I am a real M.D., board certified neurologist.

myoclonicjerk said...

Um, Dr. Grumpy? Now that I'm subscribed to your RSS feed, can you do me a favor? I'm having really bad menstrual cramps and need some Z-bars....

Jo said...

Hey, Grumpy? I don't know you, but I'm a neuroscience nurse, and so I was thinking maybe you'd come over and bring me a pint of good vanilla ice cream, like Ben & Jerry's, and maybe some hot fudge, and some whipped cream? And nuts. Not peanuts, but pecans. Toasted.

For my PMS.

No, *really*.

The Bus Driver said...

so that means no vicodin right?

Damn!

Cheryl said...

I think you deserve a medal.

Anonymous said...

so how much did u prescribe? 25ml one pill and some recomendations to some loacl rehab places!

Anonymous said...

And that same "special" patient will call me at the pharmacy first thing in the morning and insist that I page you on their behalf to get a "refill"....Oh I know him personally. He will ok it. I'll be there in 20 minutes...it should be ready, right???

Yep... get right on that one.....

Anonymous said...

'I know him personally' is always a great tip-off. If you know him personally, you should have called him personally. Don't try your passive-aggressive manipulation tactics on me.

Signed,
Queen of the Switchboard

Anonymous said...

How did my patients from the nursing home get your number? Damn, I hate junkies.

 
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