Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Tuesday Morning, 1:47 a.m.
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"Hello, um, we worked together, in 1995, I think you were in residency at the time. Anyway, I hate to bother you, but I really need some Vicodin or something called in, because I have really bad neck pain, and back then I mentioned it to you. I'm not a junkie because I used to have a nursing license and learned all about these drugs, and why you shouldn't abuse them, so if you could please call some Vicodin in to Local Pharmacy I really need it."
A Blog detailing the insanity of my medical practice and the stupidity of everyday life.
Welcome to my whining!
This blog is entirely for entertainment purposes. All posts about patients, or my everyday life, or anything else may be fictional, or be my experience, or were submitted by a reader, or any combination of the above. Factual statements may or may not be accurate. I could be making all this up. I may not even be a doctor. The only true statement on here is that I probably drink more Diet Coke than you do. A lot more.
Singing Foo!
Singing Foo!
Twitter fans- you can follow me @docgrumpy
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Cast of Characters:
Annie: My Phenomenal MA
Mary: My Awesome Secretary
Ed: The office fish
Dr. Pissy: The guy I share an office with
Mrs. Grumpy: My Boss (also the world's greatest school nurse)
Frank, Craig, and Marie: The Grumpy Tribe
Garlic and Riley: The Grumpy Dogs
Questions? Comments? Biting sarcasm? Write to: pagingdrgrumpy [at] gmail [dot] com
Note: I do not answer medical questions. If you are having a medical issue, see your own doctor. For all you know I'm really a Mongolian yak herder and have no medical training at all except in issues regarding the care and feeding of Mongolian yaks.
Blog Archive
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2009
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December
(83)
- Answering service fun
- More things that make me grumpy
- Stupid questions
- You VILL do ze physical therapy!!!
- Is she a cephalopod?
- Mary's Desk, December 29, 2009
- Somebody put something in my drink
- More things that make my grumpy
- Job Counseling
- Memo to Patients
- Dear Mrs. Thoughtthatcounts,
- My readers write
- Loose playlists sink ships... or something like that
- December 26, 2009
- Traditions of Christmas
- More Dragonisms
- Holiday Reruns
- December 24, 2009. Tis the season
- Healthy Living
- More Gift Ideas
- Augh!!!!!!!!
- Dear Dr. Dumpster,
- Hey! This sausage tastes like... uh, chicken?
- More Gift Ideas
- Whatever
- Tuesday Morning, 1:47 a.m.
- This is a yes or no question
- Thank you for sharing
- Hey! This is like a ride!
- Things that make me grumpy
- More Gift Ideas
- Winter Vacation, Day 1, 7:09 a.m.
- December, 1974
- Skool Nerse Time
- The Return of Wrong Way Wooten
- Next year, put it in an envelope
- More Gift Ideas
- Say that again?
- Chocolates from hell update
- Okay, this is just WRONG!
- Alzheimer's Disease and the Holidays
- Smooth Move, Dr. G.
- Better late then never
- Mrs. Grumpy is going to kill me
- More Gift Ideas
- Christmas is coming, the staff are getting fat
- Tearing My Hair Out
- Why use your brain when you can buy an EMR and loo...
- Early Monday at Grumpy's House-of-Brains
- Dear Mrs. Nosybich,
- Christmakuh
- More Gift Ideas
- Suzy Frazzled, M.S.W.
- Spelling Errrorz
- The First Night
- Okay, You Can
- Attention Junkies!
- Dear CVS Caremark,
- I Bet He Ain't As Comfortable
- Dear Mr. I.M.A. "Rich" Azzholl, III
- More Gift Ideas
- Blood Pressure is Overrated, Anyway
- You Saw It Here First!
- Skool Nerse Time
- Whatever
- I Bet the Cops Love You
- More Fun Junkie Quotes
- Lifestyle Changes
- Tis The Catalog Season
- Public Service Announcement
- Live! From ER! It's Dr. Grumpy!
- Starting and Ending With a Survey
- You Must Live REALLY Far Away
- Okay, Let Me Get A Blindfold
- Homecoming
- Just Say No
- Now THAT'S Exciting!!!
- Edgar Allan Poe
- How Hard Is This To Understand?
- Memories...
- How To Irritate Your Neurologist
- Tuesday Morning Patient Quote
- This is the Dawning of the Age of Extavia
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December
(83)
33 comments:
Um...WTF?
>:p
Doris- That was my reaction, too.
So, since mentioning her neck pain to you in 1995, she has exhausted all the other physicians she has ever known? Is that why she's calling you?
I wonder why she USED to have a nursing license.
Anon- Yeah, I thought the "used to" part was the best.
In the perverse logic these people have, she likely remembered me, or found me in the phonebook, and figured she had nothing to lose.
Wow. That's just sad on so many levels.
Students must be SO smart these days; even those in medical assistant programs. If I had a dime for every time I heard "oh no, I don't need counseling on my prescription because I'm in school to be a medical assistant/cna/nurse/ect." I would be a gazillionaire. :)
Looks like you just got a call from my MIL.
OMG...that reminds me of "Mr Jimmy", my dad's roommate at the hospital. I'll have to write about that experience sometime.
Who bothers a doc in the middle of the night unless you are dying? For the love of God, go to the street corner and score some crack or something.
Rule #1, if you say you're not a junkie, you're a junkie.
First, I thought it was just hysterically funny....
Then I thought, wow...that's really sad.
Awww, how nice of that old friend to contact you -- and at 1:47 am too.
Must have been the Christmas spirit or something. Sheeeessshhhhh.
But he's a NURSE!! Obviously he cannot be a junkie.
Um, I took an anesthesia class in med school. Can I have some propofol please? It's for sleep. I NEED it.
Old MD Girl- call 1-800-CONRADMURRAY for Propofol.
OK. Now you need to add a "NO I AM NOT A JUNKIE" mug to the Dr. Grumpy merchandise.
"Hello, um, you probably don't remember me (as we've never met), but I am your father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. Anyway, I hate to bother you, but I really need some Morphine or something called in (fresh needles and syringes would be nice too...), because I have really bad lower back pain, as do most quadrupeds who went bipedal. I'm not a junkie because I used to have that game "Operation" when I was a kid and I know all about lighting up the patient's nose with the forceps, so if you could please call some CII opioids in to Local Pharmacy I really need it. Oh, and if you could pick it up and pay for it and deliver it to my house, that would be great. Oh yeah, and while you're out, I could use some bleach and ice-cream as well. Thanks!"
Sleep deprivation - another good reason to be Grumpy.
So she's worked her way back to 1995. A few more months and she'll be calling her old pediatrician, and then her mother's old ob-gyn...
That is absolutely ridiculous beyond reason.
ERP- would you rather have her in your ER?
I agree with you. Just nuts.
But these people have no reason.
Pronon, the even sadder part is the DO call their old pedi, or their kids' pedi, or their best friend's brother's stepkid's pediatrician. most of the time they are "smart" enough to just ask for "codeine cough syrup" because the kid can't sleep. always a tipoff when you don't hear coughing in the background!
I hope you hung up on him/her......and then called the local pharmacy to be on the lookout for a fraudulent phone call coming in from someone trying to impersonate you.
God almighty... the amount of stupid pages you get astounds me!
I hate to bother you, but I really need some Morphine or something called in (fresh needles and syringes would be nice too...), because I have really bad lower back pain, as do most quadrupeds who went bipedal. I'm not a junkie because I used to have that game "Operation" when I was a kid and I know all about lighting up the patient's nose with the forceps.
Did anyone else catch the ad for Sober College at the bottom of these comments?? Ha ha ha
I just love junkie logic.
I bet he/she got bounced from the local ER, and started dialing any human who could write a script.
LD50 Rat
Word vert-->fablys, as in the junkie thought his friend, 4 times removed would believe his fablys excuse for Oxycontin.
Dr. G, while I would like to think that you are really just a well educated English major with a flair for storytelling...I have to conclude that you ARE a working MD, and are also a total SHIT MAGNET! Where do these people come from.....and how do they ALL find YOU???????
Pattie, RN
Pattie- Dunno. If I knew that, I'd had.
Actually, I'm not so sure I get any more shit than anyone else. I just write about it.
And yes, I am a real M.D., board certified neurologist.
Um, Dr. Grumpy? Now that I'm subscribed to your RSS feed, can you do me a favor? I'm having really bad menstrual cramps and need some Z-bars....
Hey, Grumpy? I don't know you, but I'm a neuroscience nurse, and so I was thinking maybe you'd come over and bring me a pint of good vanilla ice cream, like Ben & Jerry's, and maybe some hot fudge, and some whipped cream? And nuts. Not peanuts, but pecans. Toasted.
For my PMS.
No, *really*.
so that means no vicodin right?
Damn!
I think you deserve a medal.
so how much did u prescribe? 25ml one pill and some recomendations to some loacl rehab places!
And that same "special" patient will call me at the pharmacy first thing in the morning and insist that I page you on their behalf to get a "refill"....Oh I know him personally. He will ok it. I'll be there in 20 minutes...it should be ready, right???
Yep... get right on that one.....
'I know him personally' is always a great tip-off. If you know him personally, you should have called him personally. Don't try your passive-aggressive manipulation tactics on me.
Signed,
Queen of the Switchboard
How did my patients from the nursing home get your number? Damn, I hate junkies.
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