Monday, December 28, 2009

Memo to Patients

LOOK! Just because you people waited until the END OF THE FREAKING YEAR to see if you met your insurance deductible, does NOT make it an emergency here for Annie and I.

I don't care that you now need the test (which I ordered 6 months ago) urgently because your insurance is changing, or because you finally met your deductible, or you just looked at a calender for the first time in 6 months and had forgotten December is the last month of the year, OR WHATEVER.

These are not tests you can generally get Bozo Insurance, Inc. to authorize and schedule in under a week, let alone a few days.

And the auth department at Bozo Insurance, Inc. is running half-staffed right now so their people can go on vacation, or get their tests done, or whatever. So auths are slow right now.

A lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on ours.

And don't give me the line about how you had no idea the end of the year was coming, either.

Yours truly,

Dr. Grumpy.

20 comments:

Ardosa said...

this is why i love reading you. it is something pharmacists deal with too.
"I know i just got the script filled 2 weeks ago, and i have no refills, and my doctor is away, but i have $XX on my flexible spending and need to spend it before the end of the week

thegooddrlaura said...

I've always said: "This isn't Burger King. You can't drive through and order it your way."

Susan said...

Ahh....human nature...ain't it GRAND??

myoclonicjerk said...

This is analogous to the patient who abuses his body his entire life, then later shows up a complete mess and demands: "FIX ME!"

amy said...

The end of the year is coming? Who knew?

AfterGirl said...

I am trying to get my doctor to wait until Jan for a test so that my new flex benefits kick in. Ha Ha!

ER's Mom said...

Yeah, that's why the OR is crazy busy in December...and January is painfully slow.

I can't believe people who show up for a consult the first week of December and expect that I can operate within a few days. How about pre-op testing? Possibly med clearance if ill? Scheduling issues? Holiday time (we lost 12/24 and 25 for scheduling)?

Head-smack.

How cool - my word is lates

Grumpy, M.D. said...

You get all the good words.

kate said...

PS: Do not call your doctor and/or nurse and claim that you gave your orders to the receptionist while checking out of your appointment only to sit and watch the receptionist throw away/light on fire/tear up said orders without scheduling the neccessary test. Lying is bad for you. If I actually did that with all of the paperwork that you brought to me after your appointment, I probably wouldn't still have a job.

ERP said...

There ya go. NOW you sound (understandably) Grumpy!

The Evil Receptionist said...

Last year I had a good one...woman finds out she's being fired, and her benefits end at midnight the day she calls in to get all of her medications refilled, so can we please call the mail order company and have them shipped out in an hour even though she just had her medications refilled two weeks ago?

And kate? I'm right there with you. It's amazing what I apparently have done without my knowledge.

Jacqueline said...

Dear Dr Grumpy,

Where's the cyber intercourse shirt? Also, we need a Grumpy forum to discuss you and your grumpiness :D

Thanks,
Jacqueline

Mr. Clueless said...

Oh wow, it's the end of the year already? I lose my health insurance at midnight January 01, 2010.

I need a head CT, MRI, and MRA, EMG/NCS, stereophonic spinal taps (quadraphonic would be better)a cerebral angiogram, evaluation and medication for migraines, memory problems, tremors and balance problems; refills on all my narcotics, um, I mean prescription medications, and I think I may have just had a stroke.

Oh, I also need a colonoscopy...you do that sort of stuff too, right?

I won't be returning from vacation until December 30th, but I'm sure you'll be able to squeeze me in, evaluate my problems, and make sure I get all the tests done on December 31st. Two days should be more than enough time for your crack staff to get approval from Bozo Ins Co. for all my tests.

Right?

God bless you, you (and your staff) are such a miracle workers!

p.s. A Happy, Healthy, and Prosperous New Year to you and the Grumpy tribe.

Cori said...

Heh . . . I kinda sorta had to bully the local hospital to get me in before the end of the year for a much-needed EGD (I have Crohn's disease). My insurance company has decided to unceremoniously drop me -- and told me so only about two weeks ago. Sooooooo nice of them.

But I'm not your patient, so it's all good, right? ;)

Anonymous said...

As a pharmacy manager, from time to time, I have to cover the overnight shift in case someone calls in last minute, etc. Well, several years ago the overnight pharmacist called in "sick". yeah......right, but I digress. It was a madhouse at 10 PM when I walked in, but at about 11 things slowed down a bit and I had the rest of the night to get orders filled, etc. Well, anyways, a woman shows up at the DRIVE-THRU at 1157pm on 12/31 and wanted ALL her meds refilled for that year because...drum roll, please......her insurance was changing/dropped, whatever. I told her that she had a lot of nerve to make such a ridiculous request. I, being the kind person I am, did try to process her requests, but EVERYONE of them (6 or 8 meds) rejected until early January. She asked what I was going to do. I told her the cash prices on everything (probably $500+ cash). She rolled up her window and drove off......Ungrateful bitch.
PS......as an aside, the word verification I had to put in was "unbonize" perhaps an antidote to a Viagra or Cialis overdose....

Frantic Pharmacist said...

Oh Lord, the story of our lives in pharmacy too. "I want to get everything I can get before the end of the year. All my usual meds. You figure it out. How long's that gonna take?"
....This type of thing brings me close to real, physical violence...

Uro*MA said...

at our office we get all the men who have now, at the end of the year, met their deductable and got the courage to get a vas. Amazingly, they are pissed when they cant get the consult and the vas the same day... try not waiting until dec 23 to call.. I love december let me tell you..

Anonymous said...

True story from a pharmacist:

Due to how the holiday falls in relation to my regular days off, I have a five day weekend. I figured with a long stretch of days off, it would be convenient to get into the eye doctor. I called a week and a half ago, asking for an appointment on the 30th or 31st. I also said that I would understand if they were booked, as I knew it would be a busy time. The optician laughed and told me that nobody had quite gotten around to realizing it was the end of the year yet and set me up with an appointment. I'm sure they have by now and are screaming at her if all the appointments have booked up in the meantime.

student dr. blaze said...

Mr. Clueless, you forgot to schedule the patient for the Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass needed for that post-holiday weight loss. As for the nutrition, psych, and 6 months of supervised weight loss PCP visits, well, you can just fake those documents, right? ;-)

Let me tell you, being a Bariatric Insurance Specialist in December was F-U-N. (In a continual *headdesk* way, of course!)

Paul said...

This is a great guide for emergency preparations.

 
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