Monday, October 26, 2009

Fun With Patients

Attention! Alert! Local Grocery has Coke stuff on sale for $2/12-pack!

When this happens I stop by pretty often after work. They only allow you 5 cases per person, so I make repeat trips, with varying combinations of Diet Coke, Coke Zero, and Vault Zero being thrown into my trunk until:

1. My rear tires are squashed flat.

2. My arms fall off.

3. The store runs out

4. I max out my credit card.

So today I was there, deciding what my next soda run should consist of. I was so engrossed in this serious issue that I didn't see it coming.

I was sighted and approached by a patient.

An Alzheimer's patient.

Bill.

Bill: "Uh, excuse me? Hello."

Dr. Grumpy (looking up): "Yes, I (oh shit!), oh, uh, hi"

Bill: "I know you, um" (he leaned forward, and to my horror I realized I had my hospital ID clipped to my shirt) "You look familiar, um Ibee Grumpy?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Yes, Bill, how are you?"

Bill: "Don't tell me, it'll come! I know! You work here!"

Dr. Grumpy: "No, Bill, I'm..."

Bill: "Can you tell me where cereals are? My wife told me to get some Corn Flakes."

Dr. Grumpy: "Uh, aisle 16, that way, about halfway down."

Bill: "Thank you."

As he walked away, and I was stunned at my good fortune, I realized he had a box of Corn Flakes in each hand.

29 comments:

Introvert said...

If I see my doctor or former teachers, I don't know who can hide faster, me or them.

Signed,

The introvert

Sarah D said...

$2/12pack - holy cow, I want to live wherever you are! Over here I am very lucky to find diet coke packs on sale for around 55 cents/can. Sadly, diet coke addiction is expensive in Australia.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Sarah- It's a money loser for the store. They do it occasionally, hoping you will come in and buy other stuff.

Donna said...

OK...just found your blog a few days ago...SO funny, thanks for a good giggle!!...signed Grumpy Nurse

The Brierri Man said...

That's what happens when you stand around deciding instead of making yourself a moving target. "Hmm...Coke Zero? Or Tab? Gotta think about this..." Next time, instead of Bill, it could be Rikki the Drug Rep.

Anonymous said...

My partner once got approached in the store parking lot and was asked questions about hemorrhoids... Thankfully the patient didn't drop her drawers and bend over the cart corral!

Maha said...

That was indeed a brilliant stroke of luck in your favour. Good job on redirecting him to the cereal isle and most importantly, providing me with my daily dose of laughter!

modesty press said...

As punishment, I sentence you to have corn flakes with Diet Coke poured on them instead of milk.

When I first started going with my wife, about 47 years ago, she informed me that she only drank Coke, and not Pepsi. She informed me that any civilized person realized that Pepsi is undrinkable. (I don't think there was such an animal as "Diet Coke" in those ancient days. In any case, my wife has always been very slim all her life, so she didn't need a Diet Coke.)

I informed my wife that I regard any cola drink as goat piss.

Regardless of that, we will reach 44 years of marriage in November. I once calculated that we are 80% incompatible. Thus we will be on Oprah one of these days pushing our book on marriage.

The title is We Are Both too Weird for Anyone Else to Put Up with, So We Might as Well Stay Together

Janna said...

My grandmother has Alzheimer's too. This sounds just like something she would have done, back when she was able to live by herself and do her own shopping.

These days, she has to live in a facility, and she sometimes doesn't recognize exactly who we are.
The family tries to be upbeat and humorous, but of course it's a sad situation.

Two dollars for a 12-pack is amazing! I've been seriously cutting back on my soda consumption for the past couple years, but prices like that might coerce me into re-adopting my addiction....

Love your blog. Found you on Knucklehead's blogroll.

Al said...

All that coke stuff is caffeinated, right? Given the amount you drink daily (seemingly a lot based on your posts) the coke stuff doesn't give you insomnia problems?

Or do you drink the decaf?

Queen of Crafts, Current Events, and Such. said...

ohhh....Dr Grumpy..sigh

Queen of Crafts, Current Events, and Such. said...

By the way Dr. Grumps...diet coke causes bloating..

Taking Heart said...

Reminds me of when I run into a patient in Wal-mart (why I NEVER where scrubs in public...) and they recognize i was their labor nurse... three years ago... and asks me if I remember their baby...

I give the same answer every time... "Oh yes, I remember, look how big he/she's grown..." and I scoot off as fast as the wind will take me.

Anonymous said...

The DC or tomatoes are going to going to get you in trouble every time!

auffer said...

Walmart doesn't even do $2/12 packs here in the land of insane prices and bankrupt state coffers! So jealous! And oftenI leave my ID on too, which never ends well fir me, since a pharmacist in the aisle is way more useful and knowledgeable than the one in the pharmacy.

Queen of Crafts, Current Events, and Such. said...

I ran into a crazy man from the rubber room house in Target once....and he was conversing as normal as ever...and just the prior week I had observed him building a house with med cups.

Heather said...

Hope your lesson was learned. Work out your game plan before you hit the store.

2/12 pack..I haven't seen those prices in a couple of years!

Anonymous said...

why is such a horrible condition the conduit for so many great stories? irony

HeatherLynn said...

I suppose this is the benefit to not having health insurance....you so rarely SEE your dr., you wouldn't recognize him enough to be able to pick him out of a line up.

I got a new Gynecologist a few years ago, and my co-worker was like what does he look like...and I described to her this jolly ole elfish guy...when i finished, she said, he sounds like he looks like Santa Claus...upon my next visit, I really took a look at him, and he didn't look ANYTHING like I had thought he did. I was waaaaaay off! (dumb & dumber reference)

Like I said, couldn't even pick him out of a lineup...and the guy has seen me naked! so much for being observant.

~hl~
www.hoscorners.blogspot.com

moppie said...

Have you ever had to tell a jittery shaky patient to quit caffeine?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Moppie- Yes. And it ain't easy.

Lct4j said...

Ha!Ha! Do you get cavities from your soda habit? I used to, until I started to drink my fountain Diet Coke ($1.31 for an extra large at McDonald's-whoo!hoo! It gets to be an expensive habit)with a straw and floss religiously and use prescription fluoride gel. So far, so good. Signed,
Grumpy Mom of Six Girls - Until I Get My Diet Coke from McDonald's in the Morning (they know we very well there)

Anonymous said...

Do the cashiers have Alzheimer's too, not to recognize and shut down your operation(sometime after run #5+?)

Or maybe they think you need it, being a busy neurologist.

(I am in awe..I want to get 12 packs for $2!)

Anonymous said...

I know this was intended to be funny, but it almost makes me cry. Poor man, Alzheimers strips so much from a person.... But I love your blogs!

Easily Lost said...

If they didn't limit you to X amount per visit, I could easily see people pulling up with pickup trucks at that price. (not that you would ever try something like that)

Cocoa Beans said...

Diet Coke is wonderful. Although, I can't find any sales on them around here. I can't even find a single can for two dollars, let alone twelve... That would last me all of an hour...

was1 said...

wow, now there's a grumpy nurse and a grumpy mom... sounds like you're building a grumpy harem.

Anonymous said...

I am a pharmacist at *Mart and I never wear a name badge or lab jacket when I step out of the pharmacy. Not even to go to the bathroom, and I have yet to figure out the mystery of how I get pegged as an employee everytime! I am dressed nicely (unlike most employees and promise that I don't "look" like one of our employees). I don't know if it is my fast walk or facial expression, but I always get someone.

person: "Excuse me do you work here?"

me: "Yes, I am the pharmacist."

person " Oh, OK well do you know where the motor oil is and the towels that are on sale in your ad?"

Me: "NO I don't, but push that giant red button that says service and someone will magically appear to help you :) "

student dr. blaze said...

Dr. Grumpy, you missed your chance! You should've told the guy he was supposed to buy DIET COKE in addition to his corn flakes, gotten him to go to checkout with you, & saved yourself a trip! ;-)

Incidentally, I'm notoriously oblivious to people in my surroundings. So much so that apparently when I worked at a Big Medical Center & rode the train to/from work every day, I unknowingly kept "ignoring" one of my doctors till he confronted me about it! Needless to say, he was still in training and hadn't learned to run away screaming from patients yet....

 
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