Monday, December 7, 2009

Skool Nerse Time

This is Mrs. Grumpy. He didn't want to hear me bitch about my day at the school, and told me to tell you guys. So here.

School nursing brings you an amazing collection of hypochondriacs, and it gets worse with winter break coming and they get restless. So today, besides the usual collection of snotty noses, stomach aches, and "I can't do PE because..." I had this.

Kid #1: "Somethings wrong with my eyes. I can't read the board today."

Me: "Don't you wear glasses?"

Kid#1: "Yeah, but I left them at home."


AND


Kid #2: "I've had this bump on my little finger since I was five, and it looks the same."

Me: "You're ten now. So why are you here?"

Kid#2: "I wanna know what it is."


I also want to thank the 2 teachers (neither of whom was a sub) who sent these kids to my office during regular class time for these complaints.

27 comments:

Jacqueline said...

Welcome, Mrs. Grumpy! As a substitute teacher, I've witnessed my fair share of student's "medical" problems...my favorite is when one kid goes home because they are legitimately sick and then suddenly everyone in the class starts feeling sick...or when they say their stomach hurts and end up eating their lunch like a horse...kids...meh

ERRN4U said...

Ha!! These are fledgling frequent fliers of the ED.

Lipstick said...

Welcome Mrs. Grumpy!!! Hilarious stories you have there!


by the way, will you fill us in on the tomato mystery? all of us long time Grumpy-fans are curious about the tomatoes...

Disgruntled RPh said...

Kinda makes you wonder how SOME teachers made it past the certification test, doesn't it? Thankfully, the kids have you on their side!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like the teacher didn't have one more shred of patience to figure out what the kiddos issues were.

Thanks for your contribution, Mrs. G.

My sister is a school nurse, but is mainly trying to get out of mandatory participation in shot clinics, as her kids need assistance with feeding tubes, and other bodily functions. Though, it sounds like she's quite busy with diabetes and asthma education, and frostbite prevention.

Anonymous said...

the glasses kid is prob going into radiology or some other profession where it is required to be weird....umm...cough cough...neurology

KCMO MOM said...

Hello, Mrs. Grumpy! Nice to hear from you. I am glad you have an outlet here, since Ibee won't let you vent at home. I, for one, would love to hear more from you, and would welcome any guest post you have to share! Welcome!

redall = moderation word
You a redhead??

The Bus Driver said...

Mrs Grumpy, you need a blog!

As a bus driver, I'm most definitely not a nurse, but I get my share of hypochondriacs. See Poop Boy and Puke Girl on my blog. And ALWAYS I get the inevitable, "Ms Bus Driver!!! I'm BLEEDING omgzorz!!!!"

Of course upon inspection its a teeny tiny scratch or small red bug bite they scratched a bit too much.. OR absolutely nothing but fakeitis. I hand them a paper towel and tell them to go sit down. Honestly half the time I'm too busy to stop the bus to wrestle with the first aid kit just to get a darned band-aid only to have them leave the trash all over my bus seats, that its simply not worth the hassle, they'll be home in 10 minutes anyhow. My common response to that is "Here's a paper towel, tell your mom when you get home."

Anonymous said...

Kids are great!

~TH said...

Kids are clever little creatures, aren't they? I'm sure they will grow up into an amazing crop of patients who think we have crystal balls.

Anonymous said...

I work in a middle school, and our school nurse had to assess a student who was "unconscious". The student was sitting in her chair, upright, and wouldn't open her eyes. When the school nurse tried to open the eye, the student squeezed her eyes shut harder. It was such a disruption, that the principal decided to call an ambulance. The school nurse just about had a conniption with that one.

oddharmonic said...

Gotta love kid hypochondriacs. A few years ago I had an 11-year-old boy ask me if a patch of psoriasis plaques on my arm was an "adult infection".

To be fair, the patch looked pretty raw and inflamed, but it was around the inner crease of my elbow.

Anonymous said...

Dude make a Mrs. Grumpy Shirt!!!!

Steve said...

Mrs. Grumpy needs to start her own blog. My guess is you will have more to write about than your husband. Keep it to a minimum of 7800 posts/day though. It is sometimes hard to keep up.

River said...

Heh. I've had a bump on my finger now for a couple of years. Any idea what it is? Ha Ha.

Anonymous said...

Ohh... I was that kid with the bump on their finger. NOT kidding. It was my index finger and I was seriously worried for a good 2 weeks that it was something bad. My parents just blew it off; I understand why now...

Chrysalis Angel said...

Hi Mrs. Grumpy! So glad to see a guest post from you. I had to chuckle as I read. I have the utmost respect and appreciation for school nurses.

I used to work in an elementary school. What's really fun is when there IS a legitimate bug and they are all hurling, and every cot is full.

I felt for our poor school nurse. Bags upon bags of clothes changes, and little ones that had no clue how to hold on until they could make it to a garbage can, a sink, the bathroom, anything....

I'd take the bump on the finger over that. ;)

damon.olson said...

Back in the day I used to work as a school custodian on the evening shift. I'd come in at 2pm...right after lunch which was followed by recess. Just what kids need... to wolf thier lunch down then shake it up in thier stomachs for 30 minutes so they could (inevitably 2-3 days a week it seemed) throw it up just as I walked in the door.

Oh happy days!

Hang in there! Nothing like being a babysitter to someone else's children for 8 hours a day only to have them tell you you make too much money as a teacher and have them vote down referendums :) and watch your peers get laid off. THEN the parents get mad because the district can only afford 7 hours of class a day and thier "free" babysitting is gone! Funny, you'll end up spending it one way or the other, why not on quality education?

Teaching is an awful profession not because of the kids. But because of thier parents (and yes, I know, it totally rubs off)

Anonymous said...

Mrs. Grumpy, I used to be one of those kids. I hate to admit to it, but it's true.

I used to ask to go to the nurse for both valid and non valid reasons. But, I have to say that I did so because I needed to get away from the kids that would pick on me and torment me. So I don't feel to bad about trying to save myself some heartache.

Square Peg Guy said...

Did you take their temperatures?

Every time I went to the nurse's office, she took my temperature, even for a sprained finger (from gym class). So it's something we'd joke about as kids.

Anonymous said...

I was a school nurse for 14 years. I know the drill:

Me: "Your child is vomiting and has a temperature of 102. You need to take him home."

Mom: "Why? Can't he stay in school?"

Me: "The law says he has to go home."

Mom: "He'll just feel better if he goes home. I want him to stay at school."

Me: "I'm sorry, but someone will have to pick him up."

Mom: Well I am busy right now. I will pick him up after my hair appointment. He can just stay with you until I get there.

Mrs. Grumpy, I salute you.

Anonymous said...

I hate sending kids down to the nurse in the middle of class, but at my school we have been told to let them go to the nurse when they ask to go. I don't ask why; I just sign their pass so I can continue teaching the rest of the class.

Mr. Knucklehead said...

Yeah, we had a kid in the office for jamming a penny up his nose. Ain't school grand?

Anonymous said...

teachers are responsible for educational matters, school nurses for medical matters. i don't see what the problem is.

Nurse K said...

If you ever want to switch to the ER, just attach this to your resume. Total insty-hire.

mojitogirl said...

Welcome Mrs. Grumpy!!! I have lived both worlds, both as RN and teacher. And I swear if I ever had to go back to work at school, I would be polishing up my french-frying skills for employment at McD's. You can't pay me enough money to enter the realm of academia, and I suspect school nursing brings to the table the WORST of both worlds.

And we know you have a sense of humor because you are, of course........Mrs. Grumpy!!

You definitely need a commemorative T-shirt!

Keep up the pirated posts!

M said...

As de facto after school program nurse, I sympathize and would like for Mrs. Grumpy to start her own blog!

Also, the captcha phrases at the bottom are "renal" and "failure"

I'm a little wierded out now.

 
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