Thursday, September 3, 2009

Mary, You Are SO Fired!

Yes, it's time to renew the Grumpy Neurology, Inc. employee health insurance plan. So we all get to fill out forms listing how many packs a day we smoke, how much fatter we are since 2008, and how many surgeries we've each had in the last year.

So I gave one to everybody (except Ed), and they scribbled them out and gave them back.

I was double-checking them before faxing to our insurance company. As I glanced over Mary's, I noted some of her answers:

Height: 5'1". Weight: 540 lbs.

Pregnant: Yes, due in March, 2010.

Medications: Lithium, Haldol, Valium, Oxycontin, birth control, Methadone, Heroin

Medical conditions: Bipolar, ADHD, closed head injury, brain damage, breast problems, illegal drugs, alcoholism


I turned around just in time to see her completely lose it and start laughing hysterically.

Between the patients and my staff... I don't have a chance.

25 comments:

mojitogirl said...

I'm glad the staff that surrounds you is as sick and twisted as you are. Can I work for you too?

S3XinthePantry said...

I HEART Mary!

The Berspa Man said...

Any allergies?

Ed Adams said...

I wondered why I didn't get one. WTF!

moppie said...

LOL, so you know the weight of the gals working for you! That's a secret :)

Anonymous said...

Dr G-
I LOVE MARY!!!
If she gets tired of NEUROLOGY and wants to switch to NEPHROLOGY, she can work for us any time!!!
WB

Square Peg Guy said...

Good thing she didn't put Lyme Disease. She'd be uninsurable!

By keeping you laughing, she's keeping you healthy.

Becky the Techie said...

Lmao. At least you know she's not completely crazy... unless she is?

Anonymous said...

Poor Ed. He has suicidal tendencies but he can't get the counseling he needs.

rxgirl said...

you go Mary! sounds like you have a fun staff to work with.

Amanda said...

Oh crap, I started reading this right as I was taking a sip of my VERY hot freshly brewed cup of tea. GACK!!

In other news, word verification? "horkers". Hee.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Sorry, Amanda. I'll tell Mary she owes you a new blouse.

Ladyk73 said...

Am I the only one that is offended that the insurance company wanted all of this info? I understand cost/risk ratios...but my good

I thought that was why companies had group insurances rates

Julie said...

Thank goodness you read it before faxing it off to the insurance company. Can you imagine what they would have thought!

ERP said...

I am sure she can get insurance. Alls she has to do is move to Canada!

Anonymous said...

at least no FMS. so everything's OK then.

ER's Mom said...

She is so totally awesome!

I <3 her.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

She's mine! Stay away! None of you can have her! I have the most awesome secretary in the world, and am keeping her here! So there!

cynic said...

Strong work Mary.

I still put naloxone down as an allergy prior to surgery to see if anyone pays attention. I get a kick out of screwing with the gas passers.

Karin said...

I am an Ob/gyn and I think I delivered Mary's last baby. Then again, maybe not. After awhile, all those psycho drug addict tend to run together. At least, Mary lost some of her pregnancy weight.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

:::APPLAUSE:::

Peg said...

Mary has a sense of humor...Bravo!

Dragonfly said...

I have a feeling she visits my part of Australia from time to time... She has a babydaddy who is well below her league as well.

Phillipia said...

Too bad she did not include "work-related stress from fixing dr grumpy's mistakes"

Ms. Donna said...

LOL LOL LOL More LOL and the good doctor will insist on an appointment!
You have a real gem there, Dr., but one of the posters is right ...if that had gone to the insurance company your whole staff would have been in doo-doo.
Insurance companies have no sense of humor and are like two-year-olds and take EVERYTHING literally!

 
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