Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Let's Stick With Your Visit

Look, people. I am a neurologist. Specifically, when you come to see me, I am your neurologist.

I am here to try and help you.

I am NOT here:

1. For you to sell me a timeshare.

2. To discuss the rising price of bus passes.

3. To render a 2nd opinion on your friend's 3rd cousin with MS in Wyoming.

4. To look at > 2 pictures of your children, grandchildren, dogs, doll collection, spouse, car, trailer home, or the fish you caught last weekend.

5. To look at the catalogue of huge, 3-wick, foul-smelling candles that you sell.

6. To help you decide what to do with your investment portfolio.

7. To tell you if your new dress makes your ass look fat. Let's face it- the dress has nothing to do with it.

8. To hear about your great blackjack strategies at the local Indian casino. If you were that good at it, you wouldn't keep asking me to waive your $15 co-pay.

9. For you to sell girl scout cookies, campfire candles, chocolate bars, or any other of your kid's school fundraising stuff to.

10. To answer your questions about getting a passport.

11. To listen to the great deal you got on bedroom furniture in 1959.

Thank you.


Anonymous said...

You failed to mention the ones where they ask you to Dx the rash down stairs. Those ones are the best!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Good point, but I thought I'd addressed those before. Maybe I haven't. Maybe I've forgotten. I should probably see a neurologist.

Jacqueline said...

That is so crazy! I would never think to ask my doctor that stuff...Hell, I apologize to my doctor when I have to come see him because I'm just sure his time could be better spent.

Poor Grumpy! At least it amuses you, right?

amy said...

Are you interested in discussing/sharing tomato recipes?

My favorite is #5; those candles might give people neurological problems.

Serious Replies Only said...

What in the world are people thinking?

rxgirl said...

I thought you were also the psychologist, ob/gyn, financial adviser and anything else strange people want to talk to you about? This way, you'll have materials for your blog ;-)

Modesty Press said...

Consider these possibiliies:

1. People who ask their neuroglogist these questions are demonstrating that they do indeed need a neurologist, saving at least some of the time such a person needs to evaluate if they are in the correct place.

2. Although I have great admiration for your knowledge and skills--indeed it is brain surgery, and perhaps rocket science as well, perhaps not all problems are within the reach of the ability of current scientific knowledge to solve. Such as what treatment would cure people who ask their neurologist such questions.

3. Oops...I forget what point 3 was going to be. Perhaps...

Never mind. At least my comment is likely to be moderaed. And apparently there is no charge for this service! Oh frabjous day!

Anonymous said...

somehow I think reading some of these comments might make the author wonder if these were the same people in his office earlier that day that are now commenting on his posts.

That much irritation gives anal fissures.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

While I'm totally with you on most of this, Dr. G., come on with the Girl Scout cookies. Surely you can use a box or two of thin mints.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Chris, my own kids sells them (and I don't ask the patients to buy them). In addition, we get them by the truckload from drug reps.

Amanda said...

I'm just fascinated by this. Like a previous commenter, I get in there tell him my business and get out. I figure there's someone else FAR sicker than I am that needs him more than I do.

I think all of these people should be referred to a psychiatrist to be treated for narcissism.

The Lonely Midwife said...

The best is when they still want to run through that list when they are late for their appointment!

ER's Mom said...

Hey, my patient asked me yesterday about when she can go back to work...her seizures aren't under control.

I told her to talk to her neurologist. I'm the crotch doc.

Vivian said...

hahah the one about the passport reminds of a patient that found out I had spent some time of my weeks of in Finland. She started saying she had always wanted to go, etc. Ok, nothing horrible so far. But then she wanted me to tell her what I thought of it and MORE if I thought that she should go there. Aren't you supposed to know if you WANT to go somewhere?

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