Sunday, August 30, 2009

Skool Nerse Time

Mrs. Grumpy is a veteran school nurse. This year, she's starting at a new (to her) elementary school.

So she spent this morning sorting through all the medical cards parents have turned in.

Under allergies, some listed for kids at her school include:

"unwashed lettuse"
"sugar, fake sugar, and artificial sugar sweets"
"byprodukts"
"rubber bands or glue and/or whatever stuff like that"
"no Aspirin, but Aspirin is okay"
"that drug that killed Michael Jackson" (hell, this district doesn't even supply Tylenol)
"band-aids"
"metal cans"
"ear thermometers"
"that bad kind of paper I read about"


On the line marked "Other medical concerns you'd like us made aware of":

"Don't let him eat Legos again this year, PLEASE!"

"Can I get a copy of the district's swine floo plan?"

"I don't like her getting junk food. Can you make sure she doesn't bring any for lunch" (who's packing her lunches? Not the nurse, you bozo)

"He doesn't like beer or coffee" (on a 2nd grader)

"Please don't make him swallow goldfish. I saw that on TV once."

If he faints in PE, no blood transfusions"

30 comments:

Bella said...

swine floo? LOL...

after reading through these parents comments I think she'll have a pretty good idea which child might have 'stupid genes?'

but hopefully they are educatable? educatible?

help me out here ... LOL ... where's that spellchecker when you need it! dang it!

got like my moderation word here...unding...LOL

lizziestudors said...

"He doesn't like beer or coffee"

My hubby and I would totally do this just to give ourselves a laugh...

Easily Lost said...

The thought of that many "bright adults" in one area is extremely scary.

Amazed Mom said...

Wow, just wow. And you thought your patients were bad.

ER's Mom said...

They're everywhere.


I'm surprised her forehead doesn't hurt from facepalming it.

The Bus Driver said...

hahahaha i so appreciate those!

Anonymous said...

WOW !
So he does not like beer or coffe? It
a swig of Jack okay ? If so, how
much and often? As for the coffee, can
he have decaf? Again, how much and
often? I also assume, he takes it
black!
As for the goldfish...Are you laying
down the ground work for when he gets
to college???
NARCS====Geesh, why don't you spoil
his fun! How is he able to deal with
the PAIN of elementary school!

NY pharmacy intern said...

The allergies section reminds me what people respond to when we ask them what allergies they have at a community pharmacy. And now that I've had a hospital rotation, what people tell the nurse or MA and have that entered into the profile for them. Best ones I've ever seen as allergies, "water" and "epinephrine".

Anonymous said...

It is rather sad that most people don't know the actual symptoms of an allergic reaction. If people knew about the hives and the anaphylaxis, they'd be a little less stupid. An education on difference between a drug sensitivity and an allergic reaction would be nice too. Then again, they may never want to step out of their door again from the overall fear that they could be allergic to ANYTHING. (Would that be so bad though?)

I have to ask about the 2nd grader and the beer comment... would that constitute a call to child protective services?

S3XinthePantry said...

OMG, you saved the best for last - no blood transfusions - is that what the parents expect the school will attempt if the kid faints? OMG again! Really!

Maha said...

At least the parents didn't ask for percocet for their kids :|

a corgi said...

LOL; I think I went to the wrong school, we never got to choose between beer and coffee

hilarious!! what is scary is these people and their children will be taking care of us in nursing homes when we are elderly..............

betty

Gert said...

I sense the Apocalypse is near.

Otherwise, pretty funny! I hope it's a rule that parents are not to help their kids with their homework....

Theresa said...

Oh my gosh! That's hilarious! It's almos as bad as the parent at Chris's school that said her child had Bird Headed Dwarfism, ADD and Autism.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

Yeah, I feel your pain, Doc. I'd love to fill out a card for kids to take home to their parents.

Please don't let Andy come to school without underwear.

Timmy's teacher is allergic to cats, so please give Timmy a bath once in awhile to get the cat spray smell off him.

The list goes on.

Nicole said...

Wow. Just, wow.

Anonymous said...

Patient-reported allergies are often the subject of a good laugh for us hospital pharmacists.

Pt "allergic" to: codeine, morphine, Demerol, Darvocet, Vicodin, etc...

What are you doing having surgery?! Pretty sure we can't control your pain!

dh418 said...

As someone allergic to the adhesive in Band-aids, it is a real allergy. The adhesive causes a horrid, itchy rash to come up that lasts for days.

However, I am only allergic to the Band-Aid brand. Any other "band aids" are fine.

Frantic Pharmacist said...

Oh that's scary. But all too common -- I'll bet Mrs. Grumpy has some stories to tell! I am afraid for this country sometimes....

C. said...

Did the second graders fill out the cards?

Peg said...

I think the parents need to go back to second grade....OMG!

rxgirl said...

you both must have interesting stories to talk about at dinner time.

Fiz said...

I could cry for your wife and the vastly diminishing IQ of America!

Phillipia said...

That good paper is ok though...he actually likes it. And it digests well - and he absorbs what is on it too...

CristinaRN said...

Oh yeah - no propofol during school hours

Kim Kasch said...

Thank you for sharing those comments 'cuz my kids always say they must have been adopted 'cuz I'm so-NOT as smart as them.

After reading that list, I feel much smarter than my kids give me credit for.

Chrysalis Angel said...

I have the same problem with band-aids. It looks like heck for days after only a few minutes on my skin. It won't kill me though.

At least her job is never boring.

Amanda said...

Dude, your poor wife. This sort of thing is all part of the "reasons I no longer teach" list. Corporate America is much safer.

Shudder.

Nurse K said...

Byprokuts. Good God. Like, what, oral feces? CO2?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

No idea, Nurse K. We were wondering the same thing.

 
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