Monday, August 3, 2009

Attention Other Specialists

I am a neurologist. This means I deal with brains and nerves. I do this for a reason, just like you have your reasons for doing whatever you do.

This means that I do NOT want you to send me any of the following:

From GI docs: vivid bright color endoscopic pictures of a mutual patient's hemorrhoids, the inside of his rectum, or a bleeding ulcer in his duodenum. I will take your word that he has problems, and you don't need to send graphic evidence. Sending it by fax, however, has helped Mary stay on her diet.

From OB/GYN's: close-up photos of herpes sores on a mutual patient's hoohah, shots of her cervix at 28 weeks, and slides from her pap smear.

From any surgeon: A DVD of you taking out Mr. Smith's gallbladder or fixing his inguinal hernia. I treat his migraines. You stay on your side of the body and I'll stay on mine.

I don't send you people samples of spinal fluid, EEG clippings, or a DVD of abnormal reflexes. So stop it.


Rx Intern said...

Haha, the floors at our hospital, for some odd reason, always sends the pharmacy lab samples, be it stool, urine, blood, whatever. I have no idea why, but the samples always end up with us.

Flavius said...

Now this one was hilarious. The visuals are just too priceless.

Keep em coming =D


Lipstick said...

LOL...this is hilarious!!! Pharmacists totally feel this way. Pts come to the counter and want to discuss in graphic detail about their bowel movements. I don't need to know ALL THAT to recommend the Miralax/Docusate, etc.


Once before I knew it, a lady was behind the counter with her shirt off, bra off, and said, "what do you think this rash is?" I think that I am not a dermatologist.

My favorite things are tablets and capsules.

"Bella" said...

ha! too funny! yep, too much info!

Becky the Techie said...

"hooha" Doc? ;) No medical term for that?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Becky- I'm a neurologist, so I don't know de names for dem down dere parts.

Amanda said...

I think one of my brother's friends could add to this list. I've known the kid since elementary school, and when he was in med school he got this look of extreme horror on his face whenever he discussed his rotations that dealt with a high volume of body fluids.

There's a reason that boy became a psychiatrist. said...

Speaking of hoohas -- somehow or another I stumbled on a site that showed daily pictures of a woman's cervix throughout one entire cycle. Honest -- her boyfriend got out the ole plastic speculum, stuck the camera up there, and snapped one picture a day for a month. The narrative (of course there was a narrative) included such vital information as most recent sexual activity, mood, and anything else they could think of.

Evidently this was an educational project the woman and boyfriend took upon themselves to share with the world.

I did not save the URL.

Fiz said...

Beloved Parrot, I appreciate your restraint!

ER's Mom said...

Hey, hooha is a GREAT medical word. I use it every day! Just be glad we didn't send over a sample of the green goo coming out of aforesaid hooha. ;)

I want to name my next practice "Crotches R Us."

Fellow said...

I'm going to send you a xray of the toliet brush shoved up your patient's rectum. I know you need it to treat his migraines.

knitalot3 said...

Well, there are nerves in all those places.

bek said...

I I am a transcriptionist and not a nurse for much the same reasons. =)

Unknown said...

Parrot's post reminded me of a vet question on Arstechnica (how I got here, strangely) of a dog's problem with leakage at the tail end of unknown origin.

Once I read that far, there was no going back, and being a dog owner, ya never know.

Well one intrepid surfer found a vet related site that had the answer as a problem with glands dogs posses and said surfer mentioned that it was interactive.

Another mentioned "did anyone notice it zooms in?" and later said "OMFG! it ZOOMS IN!!!"

I laughed so hard it hurt for an hour.

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