Sunday, October 30, 2011

Return to San Diego, part 1

So as everyone knows, Craig, his hair, and I had to fly to San Diego last weekend for various reasons. But, while there, we got to do a few things around town.

Namely, his inexplicably favorite place on Earth, Legoland.

They've done up Lego Miniland with ghost figures for Halloween. Maybe it's just me, but I think they look more like something out of a plastic KKK rally.

Throughout Legoland they were constantly blasting Halloween music: Monster Mash, GhostBusters, and oddly, The Time Warp. Yes, the Time Warp. Because nothing says family entertainment like music from a flick that featured extraterrestrial transvestites, multipartner sex in a pool, an axe murder, and cannibalism.

Like KISS, what was a sign of moral decline in the 1970's is now benign family fare. By the time Craig brings his kids here Jenna Jameson will be on the same pedestal as Carol Brady and Shirley Partridge.

We even saw my MIL at the park.

And, as always, I stopped to marvel at one of my idols, made out of Lego's.

We spent the afternoon there, and as we headed out at closing time, Craig wanted to stop and look around the Lego store near the park's entrance.


As we walked into the store, I thought it was really hot inside, as the air was moving and twisting like a heat mirage. Upon getting closer I realized it wasn't a mirage, but millions of humans, like the entire population of southern California, all crammed into an 8,000 square foot retail store. It looked like people would consume all the oxygen in the room before they could buy anything, but the open doors kept a continuous ocean breeze coming.

Picture this: An amusement park packed with Lego-crazy chidren, many of them in Halloween costumes. And now they're all being funneled to the exit, past the same Lego store. Naturally they're all going to want to stop inside (which is, of course, why the park is designed that way). So the place is insane. It made black Friday and 3rd world bazaars look like peaceful, orderly affairs. The noise was like a packed stadium during 3rd down & long.

As soon as we got in Craig and his hair vanished, disappearing into the mass of humanity, and only reappearing when he had the question "Can I have this?" (which applied to pretty much everything in the store). I felt bad for the staff, who were horribly outnumbered, and who after closing would have to rebuild the shelves from kids randomly moving merchandise from it's original location.

After the vampire at the counter sucked the green corpuscles out of my wallet, we headed to the car. On the way we passed a poster featuring Lego Star Wars characters. And, to my horror, Craig yelled "DAD! LOOK! His head is a penis!!!"

Back at the hotel Craig went swimming while I worked on my computer. They were serving a light dinner, and at one point I went in to get something. Craig wanted some cookies, so took my key-card and went in ahead of me... then let the door close behind him as he disappeared into the serving area.

Leaving me locked outside.

I knocked. No one answered. After a few minutes he showed up, with a plate full of cookies, and asked me why I hadn't come in with him.

Gotta love kids.


Anonymous said...

"DAD! LOOK! His head is a penis!!!"

Lego neurosurgeon characters. Wow.

Anonymous said...

Was there a need for extra effort on the part of TSA for Craig's hair? We really need to see a picture of just his hair! Can you claim his hair product as part of your "flex spending?" How's Carson adjusting to the family. He arrived @ just the perfect time (tax deduction). You owe the that bus driver a little something extra for Christmas! Hope it's been a quiet weekend for the doctor!

Anonymous said...

Well, Craig is right, that doll's head DOES look like a penis.
Am I correct in assuming that your MIL reads this blog, and in reality is a lovely woman who knows your crack about the witch lego statue is a joke?

Chris said...

San Diego is one of my favorite cities. It's about a 2 hour drive from where I live, so we visit often. I hope you made it down to the Gaslamp district . . . great food, shopping . . . not exactly Legoland, is what I'm saying.

Packer said...

Love the parents who have kids so that they can go to places like Lego Land and have the perfect foil. My wife wanted to borrow the neighbors kids to go see the Smurfs Movie. They fool nobody.

Anonymous said...

Craig's hair must have been the reason for the San Diego trip. And his comments on the character just show he is growing up.
As for the reflex hammer, I always knew the MD tribe were sadists at heart. Last time one of your herder friends bopped me with one, I had to stifle my reflex to grab the hammer and show her/him EXACTLY what that felt like!(hint: it did not tickle. He/she/it would need a dose of fuckitall.)
As for the AE bust, we should do Mr. E honor wherever. Even if some bright person proves his theories have wormholes, he expanded our understanding of the universe. Cool.

Anonymous said...

Errant apostrophe! I'm sure you meant to write "Lego's soul"...or something
Despite this, I still think you're a brilliant writer.

When Lego introduced hinges into their sets, I dreamed of seeing sets of interactive double-helices where you could play around with DNA repair.

Locations of visitors to this page