Sunday, December 21, 2014

Weekend reruns

Dear Mrs. Nosybich,

Sorry about our little dispute at the school last week. Normally I don't take the kids in the morning, but Mrs. Grumpy had an early meeting that day.

It must be nice having a child that is naturally compliant with your orders. Frank, however, is not like your daughter, and will fight us to the death about wearing a jacket. Getting him to wear a sweatshirt over his clothes took an act of Congress and delicate negotiations. While it's not perfect, it was a halfway compromise.

So far he hasn't frozen to death or caught pneumonia/swine flu/AIDS/cooties/halitosis, or any of the other disorders that you seem to think are floating through the air specifically targeting unjacketed children.

But I'm glad you were concerned enough about someone else's kid to take time out of your busy day, walk over to me, and make a scene in front of all the other parents about how you've been watching the "horrible neglect" practiced by my wife and I. I appreciate you running down a list of communicable airborne illnesses that you got from Google, and closing your argument by threatening to report us to Child Protective Services if you ever see my kid without a jacket again.

I think it's great that you want to pay such close attention to the failings of us lesser parents. Reminded me of the Charlie Brown cartoon where Lucy took it upon herself to write New Year's resolution lists for everyone else.

I really like the way you punctuated your tirade by slamming your daughter's car door, HARD, to make sure we were all paying attention. We definitely all were (except your daughter, who looked too terrified to speak) because me, 3 teachers, and 20 other parents immediately began trying to tell you that you'd just slammed one of her backpack straps in the door. But you were clearly more concerned with my crappy parenting skills to notice.

Fortunately, your child had the presence of mind to let go of the other strap after she'd been pulled down and dragged about 3 feet as your drove away. And I have to admire the teacher who boldly leaped in front of your car to make you slammed on the brakes, at the risk of her own health.

Your kid will be okay, I swear. She has a small cut on one hand, and a tear in her jacket where it got dragged (maybe you should get her a new one).

I felt so awful about it too. You made me feel very guilty when, after you checked your kid and released the backpack strap from the car door, you turned to me and yelled, "Now look what you made me do!" before getting in your car and driving away.

Happy holidays.

25 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, given that you are such a bad parent, I guess if I were her I would also have to question your ability to confirm that her daughter wasn't seriously injured! I hope she takes her kid to the hospital to be checked out by a competent doctor! LOL.
But seriously, I'm impressed that you showed enough restraint that you did't punch her in the face. Which is what I would have done.

Pam said...

Maybe she needs better drugs.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Just wow.

Anonymous said...

Did the school file a CPS report on her....they are the mandated reporters......

Anonymous said...

whoa, we must live in the same place! that lady got me last week. I'm just glad she wasn't at my house the time my 5 year old was outside playing in a sundress at 1 degree celcius!

Kern said...

That report to Child Protective Services seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Suki said...

The hard and fast weather rule under my parentage was that one could not wear shorts or sandals when there is snow of the ground.
I feel so sorry for this women's child

WarmSocks said...

She sure does get around! She accosted me when I stopped at the grocery store on my way home after picking up the 14yo from basketball practice. He'd been running for two hours and really didn't need a coat.

WarmSocks said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Geno said...

You made her do that because you wouldn't give her the prescription for Oxy. It is not her fault that Oxy is the only thing that seems to calm her down and allow her to life a life filled with peace and serenity.

Anonymous said...

Oy. Just oy.

Nana said...

"Look what you made me do!" … wow, I haven't heard that since I was 7, my sister was 5 and she fell on the stairs while I was two rooms away.

Please, someone report her to CPS. Her child is in deep trouble.

Anonymous said...

I wonder what it's like for this woman going through life so full of anger. It must sap the joy of living.

Eileen said...

I met her father yesterday. We were walking along a foot/cycle path in our village and saw a couple of tourist cars that had obviously taken a wrong turn but they were only 50 yards or less from the main road in the other direction. But they turned round and followed us, forcing us off the path to get past. The second slowed and rolled down his window, I asked could I help but he screamed at me - Had I never seen someone who'd taken a wrong turn? and then started to drive on, I was about 3in from his cardoor so put my hand out to steady myself and, evil and vile person that I am, TOUCHED his car. He went ballistic at me...

Packer said...

As a parent I would have turned to Frank and would have told him that had he worn a jacket the entire course of events could have been avoided. I mean let's put the blame where it belongs.

Moe said...


Sounds like her child is so compliant because of Mommy's anger issues, not because of any stellar parenting. I do hope the teachers are keeping an eye on her.

Anonymous said...

I swear we must live in the same town because I think that may have been my highly educated but no common sense sister judging you and the rest of humanity.

PandaRN said...

I'd love to meet up with this lady. My son wears shorts when it's below freezing on a regular basis. He is 16 now, and seems to have suffered no harm yet. I figure if he gets cold enough, he'll figure it out. At least he doesn't have to resort to using drugs to tolerate his home life, as I suspect that woman's child may in the future.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I'm so embarrassed. I take a few classes at the local college, and not too long ago (the temperature was in the teens) I stopped a student and told him that although I wasn't his mother, I was old enough to be and therefore on her behalf was telling him to go home and put on pants and real shoes. (He was wearing gym shorts and flip flops.)

Patho Nurse said...

Wait, is she also prowling parking lots to scream at people for leaving a dog in the car with rolled down windows when it's 65 degrees outside? Must be.

Susan said...

Even though I know it probably isn't, I am hoping this is you know, like some creative nonfiction. Aah - at least we have your post as documentation if anything more happens to that poor child!

Anonymous said...

As Ann Landers would say: MYOB.

I had a brother just like Frank and he's now over 50. I guess skipping his coat did him no harm.

Anonymous said...

Well, at least she exploded and made a total ars of herself. I worry about the perfecto parents. EVERYTHING is perfect...the way they dress, their tone, their hair...EVERYTHING. Half the time, I figure out my shoes are mismatched or I have my bedroom glasses (the totally crooked pair I have kept from 1989 to wear to bed so that I don't ruin my good pairs) as I'm walking up to the school...from the scowels I am getting from the other parents. My husband and I suspect that they go home and kick the dog.

Parenting is HARD. I need more normal people around me to commiserate with...that's what makes it fun...and funny. You know the ones...you can say "You're not gonna believe what my son did last week..." Or "Um...did you hear those kids read those essays at the assembly? There's NO WAY my daughter could even begin to write that way...".

I live in a relatively affluent area where everyone tries to one-up everyone else. I have tried to reach out, but their response is often something like "Oh, well my Johnny is perfect in every way, so he would never do that."

WHATEVER!

Library-Gryffon said...

When my eldest was born we lived in Norfolk VA (navy family here). I remember one day when she was three weeks old; it was abnormally hot for October and we didn't have AC so I had spent an hour sponging the poor kid off to keep her cool and to stop her crying. My husband got back from work and we went to the commissary. My kid was wearing her diaper, and we had blankets to wrap her in in the commissary which was always kept in the 60s. As we walked up to the building some young thing wearing very short shorts and a spaghetti strap tank top stopped us to tell us that we needed to put clothes on the baby because she was cold.

I think I shrieked at her. I certainly was loudly emphatic as I informed her that I had just spent an hour trying to cool the kid off enough to stop her screaming and crying.

The drive-by mommier went off looking rather shocked. I guess she had expected me to be grovellingly thankful for her wisdom.

Brooke said...

HOLY CRAP! WHAT A CRAZY WOMAN!!

 
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