Thursday, October 2, 2014


Mary: "Dr. Grumpy's office, this is Mary."

Mr. Neuron: "Hi, I need to find out if I have brain atrophy. A friend said she saw something on TV about it."

Mary: "Okay, let me see... We have an appointment tomorrow afternoon at 4:00, or on Tuesday morning at 8:30, or..."

Mr. Neuron: "Can I just talk to the doc? Right now? On the phone?"

Mary: "You're not an established patient, sir, and he doesn't do that. I can certainly put you on the schedule, though."

Mr. Neuron: "But I don't need to come in. Can't he tell just from talking to me for a few minutes? Isn't checking for brain atrophy part of what neurologists do? It'll just take a few minutes, and I have time right now."

Mary: "I'm sorry, but you'll need to make an appointment to see the doctor. He doesn't do phone appointments, especially when he's never see you before."

(long pause)

Mr. Neuron: "You know, from seeing his name on the "Best Docs" list in Grumpyville Today magazine, I thought he'd be better than this."



lynda t. said...

Whoa, what an Ass!

Anonymous said...

I think Mary has already made the diagnosis of brain atrophy in a few minutes on the phone.

Anonymous said...

Diagnosis of brain atrophy seems to be confirmed based on that interaction

bunkywise said...

Actually, I think so highly of Dr. G. that I would expect that he can diagnose by telepathy. He shouldn't need a phone call...that's for amateurs.

Anonymous said...

I suspect the differential diagnosis here is brain atrophy versus brain absence.

Anonymous said...

Was having argument with girlfriend, she said " You asshole, you have brain atrophy"
He said, Bullshit, I will prove you wrong"
Call to Dr. G's Office.

Argument continues: Do too, do not, do too , do not.

Now for the news:
Latest report is that 1 out of 12 Americans uses illegal drugs.

kjax said...

Damn you and your incessant need to see and examine patients. You're only in it for the money, aren't you? Charging for things you could just do over the phone for free...the nerve, I tellya, the nerve!

bobbie said...

Dr. G can only do the telephone Dx thing with yaks...

Shellye said...

*LOL* I'm fairly sure it takes more tests to diagnose brain atrophy.

Sometimes you can diagnose someone as "pumpkin positive" simply by talking to them, but the most effective test used to diagnose a patient as "pumpkin positive" is to shine a light into their mouth. Any light will do. If their entire head lights up, you can see that they are completely empty headed, and thus the patient is indeed "pumpkin positive". I'm fairly sure that the guy who rang the office of Dr. Grumpy could be immediately diagnosed as pumpkin positive without the necessary testing.

ndenunz said...

We may get a chuckle but this lack of respect for the medical profession is getting more rampant every day.

Anonymous said...

(Isn't atrophy sort of a measure of 'loss'?) How much brain did he have in the beginning with would be a good question to start with, Mary. Go ahead, and open up a new over-the-phone sideline. Surely, the patient should've been able to tell Mary that he had a full deck and she should be able to tell how much he's been playing with one of those 'absence of mind' apps? Over the phone? Sheese, Mary, you're no fun at this game. Surely, you're getting a split from the company that advertises this service on the TV station in your town. C'mon, Mary.

The Patient Doc said...

I have to commend your office staff for remaining professional despite these ridiculous patients. And for screening calls....I can't tell you how much nonsense my previous office staff let slip through. Mary's a true gem.

The Condign Gentleman said...

"That's the last time I waste my time reading a magazine without a centerfold."

Shellye said...

ndenunz, I agree, but I don't think the lack of respect is only aimed at the medical profession. People have a lack of respect for anything and everything in today's society. People seem to think that they're entitled to everything they want, and it's simply not so. Half of them don't even want to pay for the things they want or need, hence Mr. Pumpkin Positive asking for a telephone evaluation because he knew he couldn't be billed for it.

It seems to me that in today's society there is less common sense, more rudeness, more laziness, a lack of education, a lack of a work ethic, and a lack of respect for everything and everyone (especially the elderly). Because of these things, those of us with common sense have to be treated like we don't know any better along with everyone else. It's insulting. And until the government stops catering to those who want to sit on their arses and have everything handed to them, we're only going to see the repetion of this current pattern.

Forgive me for getting on my soapbox. I will belt up and bugger off now.

cliffintokyo said...

I'm with Shellye on this.
How about treating disrespect with disdain?
Mary should have told Mr. Neuron [singular! LOL!] that even the Doc on Star-trek needs to do a Tricorder scan!

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