Sunday, February 3, 2013

More artisanal crap

All right, it's again time to hit the artisanal mailbag.

First we have one of many (and you guys send in a lot of similar stuff, so I guess it's everywhere) containers of edible weeds, which were grown from dirt using sunlight, water, and photosynthesis, only to have some clown claim it to be artisanal:

Next, apparently any idiot driving a car is, at least to Geico insurance, a "skilled artisan."

"I shwear, offisher, I'm a skilled artisan."

What do you with stale bread? These days you label it as "artisanal stuffing" and toss it in the discount bin:

Likewise, when those artisanal diet foods don't sell like hotcakes, you mark them down and hope some sucker takes them home.

Now even TV listings are artisanal, I guess

Apparently WAY too many people are answering "strongly agree" on surveys like this, or we wouldn't have to deal with this crap:

And, lastly, it's good to see at least some of these products are going bye bye.

Remember, if you can't get enough of this stuff, you can visit my hand-crafted Artisanal Overload page, showing my thus-far complete archives of it.


Anonymous said...

A friend of mine just are a burger from A sustainably driven pop up burger joint with an artisan approach to British street food.. Do I have to dissolve our friendship?

Their burgers appears to be so artisan that their website doesn't have so much as a menu on it.

PediNP said...

Funny you should post this, just last week I wanted to buy italian bread to go with pasta--but I don't like the mushy white crap they sell at the store. I found a "rustic" loaf labeled "artisan" bread and commented to my husband that anything not bland is labeled artisan. I guess it is supposed to make the consumer feel "special".

Anonymous said...

On the Jewelery: Artisan Day TV listing, if the TV show is featuring people who hand-make jewelry, such people ARE artisans.

Anonymous said...

I can't find the pic I took of it, but the Woodland Park Zoo in Seattle has signs up describing what some workers are doing in the penguin exhibit- collecting waste so they can sell artisanal penguin poop for fertilizer.

Charles said...

Forget the artisanal for a minute - why would anyone want to eat "wild rocket"? (the salad mix)

That sounds more like the name of something I might put into a sports car than in my body.

Ami said...

For Charles... don't ignore the implications that Wild Rocket might be the effect on your intestinal tract.

My son, who works for a major grocery chain, has been asked for 'Artesian' bread from the bakery department more than once.

So maybe people are just saying it wrong and thinking it's really special?

CrayonEater said...

I think we've lost entirely the meaning of this word. It is now the new buzzword.

Griffin3 said...

Especially the lettuce, though -- the entire packaged lettuce industry appeared after they started using machines like this. Which is the real reason you can buy quality machine-processed lettuce (the same machine takes it into the bag, right there as it rides the rows, in some cases.

"It has a capability to harvest 12,000 pounds of Romaine per hour into totes and up to 24,000 per hour in a bulk loading version."

Anonymous said...

My parents have an artesian well in their backyard, but they don't brag about it.

Anonymous said...

Arugula means rocket in Italian. I think the reason the lettuce is named arugula is because of the shape of the leaves.

Anonymous said...

Ami, I used to work with someone who constantly referred to "artesian" bakeries. Somehow, I always pictured they were fishing faux-country, poorly-shaped loaves out of a well..

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