Thursday, February 21, 2013

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude

Dr. Grumpy: "What can I do for you?"

Mr. THC: "Well, a friend and I were smoking marijuana a few weeks ago, and I mean a lot of it. At one point, I took my pulse, and it was up to, like, 20,000 beats per minute."

Dr. Grumpy: "Is this why you're seeing a neurologist?"

Mr. THC: "Yeah, my internist sent me to a cardiologist, who sent me to you."

Dr. Grumpy: "Okay... So, 20,000 beats per minute really isn't physiologically possible. Maybe it was the effects of the marijuana."

Mr. THC: "That's what they said! But I know they're wrong! I counted them myself!"

Dr. Grumpy: "20,000 is a pretty big number to count up to in 60 seconds."

Mr. THC: "I was able to do it because time had slowed down, and that helped."

22 comments:

xedra said...

Once again confusing neurologists and psychiatrists...

Rosie said...

I wonder why he was counting?

C said...

No one wants to touch this so they are throwing it around like a hot potato right?

Prescription for Taco Bell and a nap, STAT.

Anonymous said...

Why would the other doctors send him to another doctor? NIMBY type thinking?

Anonymous said...

Sounds psychotic - schizophrenia is known to be triggered by pot if your parents passed on the right genes (actually WRONG genes makes more sense) to you.

Anonymous said...

okay, just send him to an ob/gyn.

Packer said...

Doc. C'mon man opportunities to mess with people don't come along that often. Use it. Simple make him promise to give up smoke, eat right, exercise moderately , hydrate and he will be back to normal in about 3 years.

This is one of the reasons why it is called DOPE.

Sadly people have been conned into the idea that marijuanna is a harmless substance. And with that I take my leave, as the flame war has been ignited and my job here is doen for the day.*

* I do not believe marijuanna to be a harmless substance.

Anonymous said...

yep, you too must turf this one.

Hildy said...

Anyone know the etymology of "turf" (which from context I'm assuming means pass him on to someone else)?

EDNurseasauras said...

Read "House of God" written around 1978. Pretty sure I had heard that before the book came out though back in the day.

Footie said...

one.. a thousand... two a thousand.. three a thousand... etc
nineteen a thousand... Twenty.... thousand. Maaaaaaan he has a bradycardia. A turf back to cardiology surely

Anonymous said...

Wow that is really heavy man. When I was doing bongs one day at band camp I could feel the sap flowing threw the trees and they were so happy that I was peaceful and stuff dude. So just because you weren't there don't say it didn't happen cause you know it really did. Do you have any Doritos Doc?

thethingspatientssay said...

I want what he's smoking.

Jono said...

Eat a bag of Doritos and call me in the morning.

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, was he also snorting cocaine at the same time?

gin4407 said...

As I pulled up your blog I said aloud, "Okay, Dr. G, make me laugh!" Thank you, now you'll have to excuse me before I wet my pants!

Anonymous said...

@Packer: It all depends on your definition of "harmless". Some people also think that alcohol and tobacco are harmless.

Tee said...

Um, um, um...

Nope, I got nothing. Did ya laugh at him?

Anonymous said...

Maybe this is a great opportunity to convince him to stop smoking marijuana by telling him that, as he has so clearly documented, marijuana just doesn't do good things to him.
Is it legal to mislead a patient like that? It seems like the right thing to do to me.

Anonymous said...

Hypochondria and weed is an awful mix.

Anonymous said...

"I was able to do it because time had slowed down, and that helped."

No doubt he channelling Keanu Reeves, but was it as stoner-dude Ted or bullet-time Neo?

C said...

maybe I am missing something... what does he want you to do?

 
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