Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Reasons I'm going to hell

Before leaving last night I looked at today's schedule. One of the new patient's listed was familiar, and I searched my charts. It was a lady I'd fired 7 years ago for various reasons. She'd been referred back to me by her new internist, Dr. McCheese, who likely hadn't been told of my history with her. Mary had missed the problem.

So I talked to Mary. She'd forgotten I'd fired the lady, and said she hadn't spoken to the patient. Dr. McCheese's office had scheduled the appointment.

Dr. McCheese doesn't normally refer to me, so I really didn't care about making him angry. I called his office and reached the lady who'd made the referral.

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm not going to accept this case. She can't come back here."

Office Lady: "Well that's just freakin' GREAT! I mean, we don't refer to you anyway, and you were our last hope. We already tried all 5 good neurologists in town, but none of them wanted to touch her either. So we thought we'd send her to you."

You have no idea how special I felt. There are about 80 neurologists in my town, not including the one who died on Monday, and I didn't know that only 5 of them were competent.

Dr. Grumpy: "Sorry. I'm not taking her."

Office Lady: "So now what am I supposed to do?"

I thought about telling her to go stuff herself, but an even better idea came to mind.

Dr. Grumpy: "Why don't you refer her to Dr. Justdiedmonday?"

Office Lady: "I hadn't thought of that. He isn't on our list either. Do you think he'd see her?"

Dr. Grumpy. "It can't hurt to ask. I heard he has some schedule openings this week."

Office Lady: "Thank you! I appreciate your help. I'll call his office right now."

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a good night."

34 comments:

ER's Mom said...

You are evil. And we love it.

Anonymous said...

Yes, you are going to hell, a very funny hell.

Question is: why was she refused by so many? Was she hired and fired by every neurologist in town?

Anonymous said...

Hope this makes sense. I am running on two hours of sleep in 48hours. The police were here @ 3:30this morning! I hope this is not any indication of what my day is going to be like! But, I am heading to my doctor with a fever, cough (with lots of wheezing) and major congestion! YIPPEE! Hoping it's just allergies! But I never knew an allergy to come with a 101.5 fever!

OH EM GEE, this is PRICELESS! Maybe it's wrong of me to think this is funny, but I do!

I once had a neurologist say to me, "You're VERY lucky to have found me while I am still taking new patients. You DO realize that there are very few neurologists in this area; and of those few, only a small number of them are worth seeing! And that is why the wait is several months to get in to see me! And I looked at her deadpan and said, "That was my exact thought! Except you are definitely not one of the good ones! Thank you for your time, but here's your RX's back, it's been nice!" She was quite surprised. A few months later just for shits and giggles I called the office to make an appointment I wanted to see if the wait was really that long. I was met with the following response from the receptionist, "No problem, sweetie! Dr. Myheadstoobig is NOT one of our more popular doctors (but I didn't say that), so, pretty much the sky's the limit!" I thanked her and let her know that when I decided what day would work best I would call back. I am still deciding 15 years later. This behavior is not like me, really! But she was very unkind, heartless and downright rude.

Just wondering, Doc (or any MD out there) other than the obvious, what are some reasons for firing a patient? Do you send a letter on your letterhead or do you have your attorney send the letter? I have a friend whose MD fired her because HE caught her out driving two months after having a seizure (the law in my state is six months seizure free before the DMV will reinstate your DL)! The letter came to her certified on his attorney's letterhead. She was outraged and even more so when I told her I agreed with her doctor.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Pastry Goddess said...

If you are going to hell...I'm going right along with you since I can't stop giggling

technorantia said...

My answer to "so now what am I supposed to do?" would have been more along the "not my problem" sort of line. This isn't a you touched it last - it's yours - scenario.

Mad Jack said...

Ha!
Ha!Ha!
Ha!Ha!Ha!

That's rich!

Allison said...

HAHAHA, "I heard he has some schedule openings this week." Yes, that happens when one passes away :)

Chris said...

You. Are. AWESOME.

Packer said...

My son, The learning curve has been long, but we have taught you well, now go and screw with many people with alacrity

Anonymous said...

That is quite amusing. I'm so curious, why did you (and every other competent neurologist, apparently) fire her? Non-payment, non-compliance, or just general asshattery?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Asshattery.

Anonymous said...

well, i think if this qualifies for a ticket to hell, the conversations in hell are gonna be great! i have a coworker who has this same sense of humor, so both of us will be right there with you, Grumpy!

If I tell you I have to kill you said...

Absolutely brilliant Doc!

DataGirl said...

Yes I believe all neurologists are going to hell. I used to work for 4 of them...and one of them consistently stole my lunch. I never figured out which one it was.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

It wasn't me, I swear.

Mari-Ann said...

What I am taking away from this is that "asshattery" is an excellent word.

Francine said...

lol...that's messed up.

I'm sure Dr. Justdiedmonday is laughing up in heaven.

ronstew said...

A morning that starts with a laugh like this is going to be a good morning.

Thanks, Doc.

Moose said...

I find it comforting to know that if there really is a hell, people like you will be there with me.

(As opposed to Hell, where a friend is supposedly dragging me to visit on Sunday.)

lasermed said...

Love, Love, Love it.
Almost as good as trying Dr. Justretired. Or Dr. Onmedicalleave. All good choices.

bobbie said...

Brilliant comeback!! You. Rock.

X-Ray chick said...

Wow you are totally awesome Dr. Grumpy...we should make a fanclub dedicated to your awesomeness!

Anonymous said...

You were already going to Hell. That was just why you're getting the executive box seats once you're there- the frosting on your Hell cupcake, if you will.

Well done sir.

Jive Talkin Tool said...

...so *you're* the one who fired my mother-in-law!

Amanda said...

AAAnnnnddd... this is why you're awesome :D LOLOL

Anonymous said...

You can be fired as a patient for a multitude of sins, including not paying your bill, abusing the staff, not complying with the treatment program, drug seeking, and "inability to form a good doctor patient relationship" as well as "not brushing your teeth. There are rules, but usually the doctor only has to see you in case of emergency for 30 days, then YOYO.

Anonymous said...

Wicked! Well done!

Marco said...

This is like the case of a woman attending the funeral of her ex-husband. His lawyer approached her, and reminded her of her outstanding debt to the late-husband's estate. Upon hearing that, she whipped out her checkbook, made a check out to the deceased, and placed it in his open casket. She then smiled sweetly at the lawyer and said "It's negotiable now."

Anonymous said...

Why are you worried about hell, I thought Jews didn't believe in hell? Well, not being Jewish myself, the reason I don't worry about hell is that if I end up there I'll be in good company.

suzanne smith said...

bahahaha...laughing all the way to hell

Me, not you said...

Ta-da!

Debbie said...

Thanks for the belly laugh, doc! I just added a few minutes to my life!

kathy b said...

See you there!
If you are going, we all are!

Anonymous said...

I'll be there, too! But like another poster, I did not think Jews believed in Hell. Maybe you are a goy and are trying to throw us off the scent?
Anyway. I DO hope the lady is not in too much trouble and that she does find (and treats better) a neurologist.

 
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