Friday, March 23, 2012


The orthopedic surgeon who occasionally rents office space from Pissy & I has this ortho tech named Larry.

Larry looks like a character from Dr. Seuss. His eyes point in completely different directions, his hair is a LONG ponytail that goes past his rear end, he keeps the ponytail tied up at different levels with multi-colored scrunchies, he has this massive unkempt beard, and he always wears these 1970's era tie-dye scrubs.

So yesterday I'm sitting in my office with a patient when Larry suddenly shows up in the doorway (his shirt triggering a migraine in my patient)

Larry: "Hey, sorry to bother you, Dr. Grumpy, but can I borrow your cast saw?"

Dr. Grumpy: "My what?"

Larry: "You know, cast saw. What you use to cut off casts. Mine just broke."

Dr. Grumpy: "I'm a neurologist. I don't have a cast saw."

Larry: "REALLY? I thought every doctor did. Do you think I can borrow Dr. Pissy's?"

Dr. Grumpy: "He doesn't have one either."


Larry: "Well, what am I supposed to tell Dr. Ortho?"


SSS said...

Sounds like a Dr. Ortho problem to me.

Oh yeah, can I borrow your echocardiogram machine?

Sarah Glenn said...

Refer him to another neurologist for a cast saw? ;-)

Chris said...

The eyes going in two different directions just made me spit coffee on my keyboard......why the HELL would you or Dr. Pissy have a cast saw??

CrownedwithVictory said...

Let him borrow your reflex hammer to whack the cast off.

Packer said...

Haven't they ever heard of Home Depot ? Good grief, get the one with the auto chain oiler and 16 inch bar. I should have gone into medicine.

Moose said...

OH, the people you'll meet when your cast must come off
From the shiny new doctor to the tech toss off
But sometimes your visit may go so awry
When the bone saw breaks down with a heart wrenching cry
The tech guy will seek for a new saw to use
While you sit kerfluffled and waiting for news
Dear Grumpy! Dear Pissy! the tech guy will beg
Please lend me your saw so I can free this poor leg!
But alas there's no saw nearby to be found
The tech guy will worry! He'll panic, by zound!
And so now your cast will stay on one more day
Which lends me the time to remind and say
I've told you before, you grammarless Grumpy
Remove the [and someone] - it's Pissy and ME
A father and doctor excel at you may
But that basic grammar just keeps you at bay

Anonymous said...

That was great

happy internist said...

if you see a urologist coming toward you with a cast saw, get off the table and run.

bobbie said...

Awesome, Moose!!!

brent said...

Wow Moose-that was great!!!

ER Murse said...

The funny thing is that oscillating blade saws have become rather mainstream as power tools, and can be found at hardware stores, complete with the circular blades that cast saws use. A name brand saw like a rockwell sonicrafter will set you back a couple of hundred dollars, but I have a store brand knock off that cost me about thirty. It probably won't last as long as an expensive one, but it's lasted half a year of occasional use. For a single day of cutting off casts, just send him out to the hardware store and buy a cheap one.

23 Skidoo said...

How do you hide a $100 bill from a radiologist?

Put it on the patient.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopedic surgeon?

Put it in the patient's chart!

How do you hide a $100 bill from a cardiologist?

You can't.

23 Skidoo said...

How do you hide a $100 bill from a radiologist?

Put it on the patient.

How do you hide a $100 bill from an orthopedic surgeon?

Put it in the patient's chart!

How do you hide a $100 bill from a cardiologist?

You can't.

Albinoblackbear said...

I think we need an iphone pic of Larry....just sayin'. :)

Anonymous said...

Wow. sounds like Tech guy is fresh from Berkeley, Seattle, Eugene,Oregon - take your pick. Probably holding seances every night to bring back Jerry Garcia.

Loved it Moose! Very witty.

Anonymous said...

Moose, I could just hug you. That was awesome!

RehabRN said...


He needs a Dremel big time...solves all problems--sawing, grinding, polishing.

Might take a while on the cast, but you never know.

nicenurse said...

Moose that was wonderful!!

ajax said...

Do you mean hair ties/elastics or scrunchies, because that's an appreciably different visual for me.

Grumpy, M.D. said...


If I tell you I have to kill you said...

Back before the days of privacy laws my title examiner wife often came across death certificates that would describe the cause of death. She told this true story. Seems woodworker guy decided it was time to remove the cast on his arm. With his table saw. Upon seeing the resulting blood he fainted, falling onto the saw and causing his inevitable demise. You can't make up this shit.

Julie said...

moose wins the internets

Anonymous said...

Moose! I vote for youse!

outrunningzombies said...

Reminds me of a recent story.

Med Student: "Hey, can I borrow your reflex hammer?"
Me (ER nurse): "I don't have one."
Med Student: "Really? Why not?"
Me: "Because I'm not working on a neuro or OB floor?"

Med Student:

Me: "Let me show you how to check reflexes with the diaphragm of a stethoscope."

Anonymous said...

New internet rule: commenting on someone's grammar/spelling can only be done in the form of a witty poem.

I'm expecting the discouse to improve 10-fold.

Anonymous said...

send larry and mo, I mean DR O,
down the street to Dear Dr Susan- who avoided the thyroid noozin' -
to boldly
request a saw,
as revenge is always best savored coldly.

(with appologies to Moose,
and Dr Zeus(sic)- for stanza impact)

Anonymous said...

Send him to the nearest pathology technician, with a request to borrow the Stryker saw.

Principessa said...

Well then I must say it's quite ironic,
That I'm compelled to mention "discouse"[sic],
I'm sure that can't be what you meant to say,
So enjoy your GD poem, and have a nice day.

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