(hands over 3-inch-thick notebook)
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay."
Mr. Library: "And here are the office numbers of their authors. As you can see, they cover several major universities around the globe. I'd like you to call and discuss my case with all them."
Friday, March 16, 2012
Phone bill
(hands over 3-inch-thick notebook)
Dr. Grumpy: "Okay."
Mr. Library: "And here are the office numbers of their authors. As you can see, they cover several major universities around the globe. I'd like you to call and discuss my case with all them."
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14 comments:
uh, yeah right. I bet you're going to get right on that.
It's not like you have a practice to run or anything.
A guy I stopped for DUI the other day gave me his attorney's card. He wanted me to call the attorney to discuss the guy's DUI from 2 weeks ago, and based on that decide whether I wanted to proceed with the current one. Sadly, I had already decided.
"I'll have some coffee while I wait. Cream, two sugars, and do you mind throwing that old coffee out and making a fresh pot? Oh, and what's the password to your Wi-Fi?"
Treat the childlike self absorbed as you would treat a child.
Pulling out a card from my parental index box, one I have used more than a few times, in more than one form, I give you all the benefit of the script.
Usually starts out with: I would like to go to Cancun on Spring Break(new car, computer,tattoo) or some other such nonsense--then is followed by:My saying.
I would like to hit the mega bucks lottery for 200 million, we have about the same chances of gettting what we like .
alternate form : I would like you to treat your mother and father with as much care as you seem to treat yourself.
Make changes as you see fit. I don't get to use them anymore as both children have turned into wonderful young adults.
Would love to hear how you handled this, Dr. G.
This is simple: just charge her enough of a "International Phone Consult Fee" that you're laughing all the way to the bank. If you find yourself grumbling, raise the fee. 100% percent of estimate must be paid in advance, balance due before you convey all the results of your hard work.
Steph
How about this...
Mr. L, I'd really love to do this, but what you really need is a medical librarian.
While they won't call EACH and EVERY one of these folks, they will charge you an hourly fee to explain how and where you downloaded all this stuff and whether it's legitimate. It might take a while.
Once you're done with the librarian, I'd be happy to give you another appointment, for which you'll pay another copay and I'll be happy to explain what I'm going to do.
Or you can just spin the books, pick a doc who sounds interesting, travel to his/her location and make an appointment.
If you need me again, please call Mary and she'll make you another appointment for us to chat.
"I've talked to a couple of them about my case already, and they gave me some advice, but I need some clarification. Like, what exactly do I shove up my ass, and how exactly am I supposed to fuck myself?"
Great Idea! I'll go cancel all of my patients for the rest of the month, so I can get right on that. As soon as your check for $50,000 clears...
Three points gained for doing his research! Five points lost for being a complete moron!
"I assume that you're fluent in Mandarin, Russian, French, Japanese, and Telugu."
I bet your office inventory carries a clue-bat. If it doesn't, it should.
I use this with my 10 & 8 year olds. My version is: "Well, I would like a million dollars, and that ain't gonna happen either." Both seem to think an eyeroll is the proper response.
Easy: "There's no code for that and your insurance won't cover it."
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