Thursday, March 24, 2011

Jupiter is lovely this time of year

Dr. Grumpy: "Are you allergic to anything?"

Mrs. Flake: "Oxygen. I can't be anywhere near the stuff. I can't breathe it at all. Just being around it makes me horribly sick. I can only go places where there isn't any, so I don't accidentally inhale it."

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

Move to Los Angeles or Phoenix, and you won't have any problems! No Oxygen around here...

Anonymous said...

I don't know, Dr Grumpy. Oxygen affects me exactly the same way and I resent you making a joke out of it.

Mickey said...

For the record, oxygen compounds are quite abundant on Jupiter, as in most of the universe.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Yes, but it sounded better than "Asteroid 17652A is lovely this time of year."

Anonymous said...

Probably afraid that it will explode when she lights her next cigarette.

Advice if she isn't already a smoker: start smoking immediately. It gets rid of any stay O2 molecules immediately.

A well, probably O2 deprivation at birth. Shame.

Rat said...

She's probably allergic to DHMO as well. Terrible stuff, that. Lethal if inhaled. Someone should do something about it!

Old MD Girl said...

Maybe she was referring to the TV station and meant "watch" when she said "breathe?"

Anonymous said...

Hahahaha I am pretty sure I have actually heard this one before too. spooky- the oxygen-haters are multiplying! could be a horror movie in the making...

Anonymous said...

Dr. Grumpy, how do you keep a straight face?! I would lose it immediately upon hearing this nonsense.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Years of practice.

Anonymous said...

I just want to know what you said in response. I'd be dumbfounded.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I asked if there were any major illnesses in her family. It's best to just move on. Trust me.

Amanda said...

I just can't believe that you could find the strength to move on without exploring this amazing non-oxygen-using patient. She should be studied...

Carol said...

You should be an actor in your next life-you've had wonderful training. I'm horrible at it, I laugh in peoples faces when they pull that kind of fuckwittery.

Packer said...

So Grumpy : Is it youthful drug activity, alcohol use or aging factors or organic brain disease that is causing the rampant spread of the stupidity epidemic that you are witness to? My own theory is that drug and alcohol abuse lead to a lot of problems--but then I view it from lawyers perspective.

Watercolor said...

hahahaaa!!! awesome!

bobbie said...

Reminds me of a patient who told me he was allergic to epinephrine... His 'allergy' symptoms? "It makes my heart race."!!!
Wonder if he'd have sued us if he coded and we used Epi???

Kate said...

I'm really hoping she meant ozone and was just confused.

Absentbabinski said...

That is priceless and something I think I'll bring up in my next comm's session: How to deal with the really bizarre stuff.

Anonymous said...

OMG!! I think I know her.

I was just talking with an ICU nurse about allergies. Her favorite was a patient "allergic" to lasix because it made them pee a lot.

I shared, mine was a patient who shared she was "allergic" to oxygen.

I resisted the urge to ask her how she got to be 75 years old!!

Anonymous said...

I had an ICU patient say he was allergic to nitrogen once. Nickel? Nitro? Nifedipine? You sure? Ok, I won't give you any nitrogen then. Not being anesthesia, I could at least honestly promise that.

Anonymous said...

And then there's that nasty hydrogen stuf...

legalalien said...

I had some Grumpy Acting school inc practice the other day when a patient declared allergy to all water in any form, and then proceeded to sip on her Diet Coke. I know Grumpy et al will profess that it is 100% pure goodness, but the cynic in me believes there might be a trace of the wet stuff too. Somehow i pulled a straight face until out of view.

@Carol: Fuckwittery is definitely a word that'll be entering my lexicon. Thank you for that.

ERP said...

Wow. An anaerobic human. Cool.

Anonymous said...

She's probably allergic to H2O as well...

Neurologist/psychiatrist... the lines are blurred for you, I believe.

Mikey said...

Rat: DHMO is a misnomer: water is not ionic. It's called hydroxic acid, or hydrogen hydroxide (as an alkali).

Mr Mobius said...

I don't have the ability to not smile when thinking like that, so instead I smile and nod reassuringly so they think I'm being a little sympathetic while inside I'm thinking 'crazy'. The problem is, psychiatry may in a few years become my chosen speciality where I'll hear crazy stuff all day every day.

Not House said...

You sure she wasn't actually a giant Clostridium?

Captain Foulenough said...

Mrs Flake is famous--this is her on vacation, some years back.

Anonymous said...

OK, I think this finally proves it without a shadow of a doubt: Most of your patients come from an alternate reality, and not the one the rest of us inhabit.

Anonymous said...

Well she's in for a tough road. On another note, Nitrous Oxide makes me violently sick. Who knows why.

"Fuckwittery" ftw.

Ben S said...

You should write a paper on her.

Anonymous said...

agree w/ erp. sulfur based anaerobic metabolism. oxygen is toxic.

Anonymous said...

Did you know that oxygen is highly addictive? Just take one or two breaths of it and you'll find it just about impossible to quit.

Anonymous said...

I was married once upon a time and my wife insisted that her dermatologist had told her that she was allergic to WATER. I tried to explain to her that water is not a complex enough molecule to cause an allergy. She is now a longstanding ex-wife.

Lisa said...

Had a patient come in with huge list of 48 allergies. Included in it was:
The Sun - Not sure how she survived this one?
Meat
Vegatables
Fruit
Shellfish
Nuts
Wheat
Soy
Dairy
(Not much left to eat after all this?)
We just entered the orders along with a good dose of benadryl and figuered the nurses could handle it.

Lilorfnannie said...

I like that phrase, "from an alternate reality, and not the one the rest of us inhabit." That's awesome. Reminds me of my mother- I've known since age 17 that her version of reality was not the same as everyone elses'. (Keeping that in mind makes it easier to remember not to bother to argue with her or attempt to explain myself to her.)

Anonymous said...

My father-in-law believes he's allergic to alcohol because he once threw up after drinking six beers in a row.

The Mother said...

Good thing there's only 20% or so in most places, huh?

terri c said...

Anon 8:31--this seems like a very adaptive misperception, I have a lotta folks I'd like your FIL to convince!

Anonymous said...

NotHouse, LMAO!

MsCee said...

People can actually be allergic to water and alcohol. It may seem crazy, and it is super rare (the water allergy by far), but it's possible. Now Oxygen...well, if she wasn't living in some anaerobic bubble, then well, you sure do get a lot of crazies Dr.G

RehabRN said...

Grumpy:

Did you train with the psychiatrists at your med school?

I heard in the old, old school days the neuros and the psychs all trained together.

Anonymous said...

I had a patient at the pharmacy tell me that she was allergic to calcium, and that she could not consume any at all. I made the mistake of telling her that her bones were made with calcium, and was rebuffed with "No! I would die if there was any calcium in my body." I asked her what her bones were made of, and she answered, "I dunno, something else! But not calcium, I would DIE!" I stopped asking.

Maria said...

Grumpy M.D. - you're a hero! I really think I know someone with the O2 allergy. She has been tested for allergies and has none, but "the tests are wrong" because she knows she's allergic to dogs, strawberries & "the smell of paint".
Do you have any advice for dealing with hypochrondrics? She sees a neurologist, cardiologist, orthopedic specialist, dermatologist, head ache specialist, gastroenterologist & more!! I think she needs a psychiatrist, but I'm not a professional.

Anonymous said...

This woman needs an Alpine Instructor, not a Doctor.
The best antidote for oxygen allergy is mountain climbing!

Regarding moving on, how about just posting an "Aliens Welcome" sign in your Waiting Room?
Or do you think this might discourage legit. business?

WV: pusness - yuk!

Cliff

Kara said...

My personal favorite was the patient who said he was allergic to two milligrams of Dilaudid, but not four milligrams.

Anonymous said...

I am an oxygen addict. I even forge fake prescriptions and try to get early refills. Give me 500 ccs of the good stuff.

 
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