Friday, March 4, 2011

Dear Sam's Club,

Thank you for the letter I received yesterday, notifying me that the Christmas cookie trays we bought last year, for office and family parties, have been recalled due to "undeclared food coloring ingredients".

(Click to enlarge)

From what I can see on your website, it was a nationwide recall. So I'm sharing the letter with my readers, in case they still have some Christmas cookies lying around.

Your letter requests that I return the cookies to my local Sam's Club. After carefully questioning family members and employees as to their current whereabouts, I am unable to bring them back to your store at this time.

If it's absolutely critical that you get the cookies back, I suggest you contact the Grumpyville Sewage Treatment Facility. I think they give tours on Mondays.

Yours truly,

Ibee Grumpy, M.D.

P.S. Mary says you can have them (and some PB M&M's) back by doing liposuction on me.


Mallory said...

So what do you think this means?

"oops, we forgot to write 'contains artificial colours' on the label"


"Uh-oh...these toxic cookies will kill them all. (but lets be vague and hope they don't sue)"

Don said...

Sam's Club is covering their nether regions by doing the recall, and I got a good chuckle out of your response.
I've gotten recalls for items purchased over 20 years ago that I have long since either discarded or used without losing any appendages.
What annoys me is when there is a requirement to bring in the item along with the receipt, for proof of purchase at that particular store. Uh, hello, I don't save my receipts, except when I can write off the expenses on my taxes.
My late uncle, something of a pack rat, saved all his receipts, as well as his phone bills(dating to the 1940s). He would have been the perfect person to answer these recalls, although finding the particular receipt in the piles of paperwork would have been a challenge similar to finding a needle in a haystack.

Anonymous said...

wait, i thought you had membership for costco, not sam's club?

Grumpy, M.D. said...

We have both.

I GREATLY prefer Costco, but at my wife's insistence we have memberships at both, since there are a handful of Sam's Club items she likes that Costco doesn't carry.

I guess you could call us a mixed marriage.

Anonymous said...

"I guess you could call us a mixed marriage."

I guess your kids are mixed too :p

Headstrong said...

Hmmm. Sam's Club and Countryside Baking think highly of their customers to assume they boast the self control to purchase cookies in October, and still have some left in late February. Quite a compliment - that would be utterly undeserved in the Headstrong household. Even when I freeze the treats to prevent the + feedback cycle of instant gratification they disappear at an alarming rate.

Fun post, keep 'em coming doc - we love 'em almost as much as cookies in this place!

Anonymous said...

If you didn't provide evidence, I don't know that I would have believed you. For crying out loud, what good is this letter now? I suppose people can look back and see if they were ill from the time frame these dangerous cookies hit the market and then file a lawsuit? I will show this letter on to all my friends and family ASAP (unless of course I don't like them; which makes them SOL----SHIT OUT OF LUCK)! I think we should all contact the FDA at the exact same time about this letter. Could you imagine, we already know that Grumps had over 72 comments to his Fukitol post. Perhaps, if all of his readers would see this today we can all decide on a time and we can all call at the said time and ask them what we should do if these KILLER cookies were ingested? OMG it's funny just thinking about it. Happy Days!

Anonymous said...

You know what.............these were Artisan Cookies and it wasn't marked on the bag. What a waste of calories having to eat NON Artisan Cookies. SUCKS!

Li'l Azathoth said...

Hmm...Sam's Club is owned by Wal-Mart. A few years ago, Wal-Mart recalled a bunch of their store brand dog food. I wonder what they ever did with it, and if it's somehow related...?

Anonymous said...

Another good reason to get fruitcake for Xmas instead.

Packer said...

What a liar, we all know you have 8 cases stashed in your closet.

They will get my Sam's Club Cookies when they pry my cold dead fingers from around the box..

I thought it was only cars and FDA approved prescription medicines that got recalled in such timely fashion. Baby cribs get recalled when the kid enters community college.

Anonymous said... mean there's an actual store named after my favorite porno DVD?

Bulrush said...

"Another good reason to get fruitcake for Xmas instead."

Fruitcake is not a food. It's a building material.

Unchained Pharmacist said...

If Sam's Club = Wal-Mart and Wal-Mart gets their stuff from the "Middle Kingdom," then could the undisclosed coloring ingredient be lead paint?

w/v = phoming (a previously unknow side effect of ingesting these cookies).

Anonymous said...

Costco just sent us a check for $400.00. Gotta love that cash back thing they have going on!

Yes, we spend entirely too much money at Costco in order to get that kind of money back.

terri c said...

I think you should make sure ERP has a copy of this letter. I imagine there will be patients in the ED whose reactions to these cookies require IV dilaudid.

wv: dusky. An actual word!!!

Watercolor said...

Mary is awesome!

The Mother said...

You mean you ATE the Christmas cookies????

Missi said...

You, and your whole office should put their dookie in a plastic bag, bring it to Sams with the recall letter and tell them you want to return the cookies. Are you serious recalling CHRISTMAS cookies in FEBRUARY??? WTF

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