Tuesday, February 1, 2011

I'm feeling the love

This letter came in yesterday's mail.


"Dear Dr. Grumpy,

"You don't know me, but I'm a patient of Dr. Pissy's.

"I had an appointment last week, and noticed you standing in the hallway.

"Based on my observations, I'd like to offer you my services as a professional shopper and fashion expert. For a nominal fee I'd take your measurements, then carefully select clothes that are both fashionable and flattering to you.

"I want to reassure you that I understand your appearance is not your fault. I'm sure a man in your position doesn't have time to shop for himself, and your wife may be too hurried to select nice clothes for you. In addition, many men, in my experience, are color blind.

"I've enclosed my business card, and look forward to working with you.

Yours truly,

Cindy Polyester."

60 comments:

Mallory said...

Do you hate clothes shopping?

Just tell her what you like (casual & comfortable) and let her do it for you.

RehabNurse said...

Grumpy:

That is some business letter! I wonder if she got that one in business school or what.

If they had a Hall of Shame for them, this one would be in the Top 10.

I hope Mrs. Grumpy doesn't see her on any of her visits...oy!

C said...

OMG that's too funny! I can't believe the audacity!

mike said...

Please forward my name to her. Outside of the cop suit, I've been wearing the same jeans and t-shirt since about 1975.

kc said...

Well, I'm glad she understands that your appearance isn't your fault. That's MUCH less insulting.

You know, when Stacy and Clinton tell you that you look like crap, they offer you a $5000 credit card.

Old MD Girl said...

Awesome.

I will point out that the fact that you chose "Polyester" as her last name (rather than something *actually* fashionable, like say.... wool) indicates that she may be on to something.

;-)

Or it could be you don't want your patients to feel like you are overcharging them.

KYLady said...

What Not to Wear - see Dr. Grumpy!

Jeremiah said...

Hate to say it. But it is a solid marketing tactic.

Knotellin said...

Naa, she just wants to "take his measurements". Oldest trick in the book.

C said...

Well the economy is in the tank right now. You can't really blame her, right? At least she is trying to do something about it.

My idea of fashion is my jeans and a t-shirt though so I'm no help what so ever. It is the Mom uniform of the don't give a poop.

Sarah Glenn said...

Mike, if you can still fit into the clothes you fit into in 1975, you're doing VERY WELL. Plus, those clothes are coming back into fashion.

Grumpy, just tell her that you wouldn't dare wear anything to work that couldn't take being puked or bled on. That might shut her up.

PaleMother said...

Um, insulting people is ~not~ a solid marketing tactic. Although she may indeed have a talent for personal shopping. And some people may insult more easily than others.

You maybe color blind, but she is tone deaf. Hmmmm. Which is worse?

PaleMother said...

It's like the old Churchill joke ... “I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

Anonymous said...

Haha! I think you should submit the letter to passiveaggressivenotes.com.

B. Perky said...

I have yet to know a male neurologist who did not have this problem. You guys always look a little disheveled to me, even a bit on the mad scientist side if you are wearing a lab coat.

I guess you can't be brilliant and well dressed.

Mike said...

Good grief: The fifties called and want their gender roles back!

jimbo26 said...

I liked the " nominal fee " bit .

Anonymous said...

Time for a full length photograph of yourself on the blog(decapitated, if you wish, for the sake of anonimity). Let your readers vote for against the services of the lady.

Anyway, although I have XX chromosomes, I often whish for a fairy like her to take the pain out of shopping for clothes, and on top of it all to buy the RIGHT stuff which makes me look good.

Don't throw her card away too soon! You may regret it later!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Clothes shopping is easy:

1. Go to Target.

2. Find the "50% off" rack.

3. Buy everything in my size.

Anonymous said...

I am really really really curious what you are wearing everyday, if you shop at Target, it shouldn't be that bad, what could go wrong with just a simple white shirt and black pants?

Not House said...

"That's alright; many business experts, in my experience, are socially blind"

WarmSocks said...

Dear Ms. Polyester,
Based on my observations, I'd like to offer the suggestion that you change your vacation plans and spend a week or two doing some volunteer/relief work. You need a reality check.

I have food to eat and a place to live. I have a wife who loves me. Our children are healthy, and are privileged to be able to get an education. I have a good job with a regular paycheck. I have clothes to wear. I am blessed.

It honestly does not matter whether you find my wardrobe fashionable. I feel sorry for you, having such warped priorities.

If you're not sure where to go to gain some experience volunteering to help those who truly need help, might I suggest that you spend your vacation helping out at one of the orphanages in the Ukraine. Or perhaps you'd prefer a trip to Guatemala City, where there are over 10,000 people who live in the city dump. Over half of them are children. They wear whatever they can find in the trash. They eat what they can scrounge from people's refuse. They live in the city dump!

Perhaps after you've spent some time doing work that truly matters you'll have a better concept of what's really important in this world.

Anonymous said...

Do you wear a tie?

Cthulhu Sashimi said...

I'm pretty sure "take your measurements" is a euphemism. Since Craigslist shut down their "erotic services" listings, people in that industry have probably had to become more creative.

Anonymous said...

+1 Mike, uniforms make life easier. The off days it's levi's and a sweatshirt, the same one until it dies or gets used to wax the bike. I think my next one will be maroon...

Kim said...

Too funny. She'd love me...I am female and I wear men's clothes. I HATE women's clothes, especially jeans. Has any other woman noticed that you cannot buy 100 percent cotton women's jeans anymore? They ALWAYS have a least some stretchy stuff in them, and even the smallest amount of that crap feels horrible and looks worse. So, I typically go to Old Navy and buy men's jeans, which are 100 percent cotton and the size doesn't change. I know what size my waist is so I know what size jeans to buy, unlike with women's jeans that can vary depending on brand. GAA! I also wear men's t-shirts and shorts because the quality seems better, much less delicate and can hold up as I am rather rough on my clothes, and also the men's shorts have more pockets so I can carry my wallet and keys since I refuse to carry a purse. I hate purses and have no need for one as I don't wear makeup.

And yes, I am straight. I'm just not girly. I have always been a tomboy. :)

Jon said...

Three words: Cabela's Bargain Cave.

Don said...

I save even more money by buying my clothes, when possible, at the local Rescue Mission. As long as the short sleeve button down dress shirts are both clean and comfortable, they'll work for the office that I work in.
Cheaper than Target, and more money for sugar free cookies.
The "Dress for Success" kids, in their shiny, slick suits, are generally frightened of me. If they bother me while walking at the mall, in my usual after work afterwork attire, I simply ask them how much they make, and when they respond(just over minimum wage), I show them my latest pay stub. I love watching them walk away in tears...

webhill said...

First of all, this would have NEVER happened if you had been wearing, oh, I don't know, something FABULOUS like a brain hat.

Second of all, I have prepared a response letter for you:

Dear Ms. Polyester,

Actually, I know exactly who you are - Dr. Pissy pointed you out to me after your first visit so as to allow me to fully appreciate the uniquely charming ensemble you'd worn to your appointment that day. That vision remains quite vivid in my mind. I especially appreciated the scarlet satin thong poking out over the top of your low-cut leather pants.

Based on my observations, I'd like to offer you my services as a neurologist. You seem to lack normal inhibitions - is there any possibility of frontal lobe trauma, do you know? For a small co-payment I can arrange for diagnostic imaging and do a full neurological exam, and then carefully select medications that may help you function more normally in society.

I want to reassure you that I understand your behavior is not your fault. If it isn't trauma-related, there may be a tumor or even something metabolic or infectious... we'll see. I'm sure a woman in your position wouldn't understand any of this anyway, and your husband may not actually care. In addition, many women, in my experience, are just mean, so maybe this is your baseline.

I've enclosed my business card, and look forward to working with you.

Yours truly,
Ibee Grumpy, MD

amy said...

personally, i find it reassuring when my doctor doesn't dress like a model...as in he's spending time doctoring and not keeping up with men's fashion.

Anonymous said...

Best thread ever. Question, How does Dr. Pissy look, if he looks like he stepped off cover of GQ, then she is doing him too.

Loved the Target shopping thing, I do that at Kohl's.

Queen Silly Britches. said...

My favorite doctor always wore jeans, loafers, and a button shirt. Enough said.

Animal said...

Oh Dr. Grumpy. There is a very very valid reason why those clothes at Target are 50% off. It's the reject pile.

I 2nd the request of a reader calling for a full length picture of your typical wardrobe, decapitated.

Dani said...

If it makes you feel any better, I once went to see a gyno who wore shorts, berkinstocks with socks, and a button up hawaiian shirt.

Also, he had hair plugs.

Doc Grumpy, you cannot beat that attire. Ever.

Anonymous said...

Wow - what balls! Hers not yours. Got to admire that woman on some level. Wonder how many clients she's picked up that way? Woof!

The Evil Receptionist said...

Well, I think the real question is: Does Dr. Pissy agree with her?

mcgee said...

My husband does the 50% off rack thing at Kohls. I mostly shop at Tractor Supply and Bomgaar's (another farm store). I usually go for the sale racks, but I will pay full price for real blue jeans and Carharts. Okay, I go to Dress Barn if I need something a little nicer, but I live in blue jeans and khaki shirts.

Yeah, women's jeans are worthless. Most of the styles now make your ass look HUGE and lumpy.

Outre said...

I rarely notice what my doctors wear, except internally laughing at a surgical oncologist wearing gold colored stethoscope. (wanted to ask, soo... do you ever use that?)

But there was this one time I couldn’t take my mind off my neurologist I saw in college that had a tie on with a thread that had frayed out. Spent the entire appointment wanting to snip it off. Oh, what new problems, oh, right...urh, what were those...(THREAD!!!) Oh, pain here...and this nerve tumor... (wonder if i can just pull it out...)

I do take notice of ties if they have unusual prints.

Anonymous said...

Wear scrubs.

Anonymous said...

How can she possibly think that a condescendingly aggressive letter is a valid sales tactic?

Ugh. I'd have to return her letter with an office statement of not accepting unsolicited sales material.

Anonymous said...

ms poly- your kind note leaves me very concerned that you have thus far undiagnosed brain damage. i will gladly provide complete and competent professional neurologic evaluation. if you have insurance. or the cash.

Anonymous said...

PS Grumps...been meaning to mention this for some time. Know why you have so many "anonymous" comments? It's because your moderator isn't letting many of us through with our google accounts. Thought you'd want to know. Hugs and bunny farts; Camille

Anonymous said...

oh my... these people have no pride, or filters. It just embarasses me reading this.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Camille- I have no idea. It's just the standard Blogger ID stuff. How weird. I don't use any moderator aside from the one blogger allows.

Eileen said...

RE - google account prolems: It often takes me a couple of goes to get a visual verification to come up - I have to check that the comment has been accepted at the top and scroll down again to see if a proper wv has appeared.
I'd like to see a real piccy too - or is the one you use actually representative???
Eileen
second attempt wv - autyista, appropriate for the lady?

Holly Hospice said...

Wait, you buy your clothes from the Target 50% off rack?

Woah. I usually limit myself to the 75% off stuff. What's it like to be a big spender/high roller?!

;-)

Anonymous said...

wait Dr Pissy is a guy??? i always thought she/he was female? is dr pissy male?

Anonymous said...

Maybe, Dr. G is lucky that Dr. Pissy doesn't have any uncommonly forward barbers as patients. I would be more upset about someone insulting my hairstyle than my clothes choices, since I deliberately go for low-key in the dress code. But, my husband has been trimming my hair for 30 years, and he does a very fine job, and if anyone were to insult my hairstyle, why, I'd take it as a personal offense!

ERP said...

That's awesome. What the hell were you wearing?

Anonymous said...

As rude as it was, probably not such a terrible marketing strategy - you are thinking about and probably checking yourself in reflective surfaces and such ;)

terri c said...

That letter is so over-the-top if it were April 1 I'd think it was a joke. I spend time and $ on what interests me. Good thing high fashion isn't in that category cause it costs too much! To the commenter above, YES! Women's jeans, T-shirts, even some sweaters, are a total rip-off. Dr G I don't care what you wear, I think the letter was rude. Probly written by an out-of-work drug rep.

Anonymous said...

I'm a cashier at Target, and I'll be looking for you in my line. I'll know it's you when I see the cart full of half price clothing and the 12 packs of Diet Coke. And I work at a Super Target so you can even pick up some tomatoes for Mrs. Grumpy while you're there.

RxKerBer said...

My tech asked me if I was ok bc I looked discheveled. Great. Another winner hair day for me.

Anonymous said...

With such come-ons for hot dates rolling in, do you think you might have to change your name to Dr Grunty?
(I hope that Mrs Grumpy is not listening to this....)

Anonymous said...

I'm with Amy - there's something unsettling to me about a doctor who is too well groomed - as if they would run screaming from the room if there were blood or other messiness. Also, maybe it's inappropriate transferrance, but I secretly think doctors who are that fashion conscious would bring that attitude toward their outcomes...maybe only accept the easy, or neat cases, and scuttle the others to someone for the "messy" work.

Anonymous said...

Re Anonymous 9:43...I feel uncomfortable with doctors who look too fit and well-exercised. I fear they are secretly despising me because I'm not fit and not my ideal weight. I have good reason for this. My mother is a doctor and when she was practicing she would often come home bitching about her fat patients. Actually she despised all her patients and continues to despise the human race in general, with particular contempt for those who are fat, and/or brown, and/or poor, and/or concerned about the environment.

Anonymous said...

Oh, doc, I'm so puzzled by the posters who're taking offense at the letter from that idiot. Do they not understand the usage of the circular file?
As a vain and looks-conscious patient, I can say that I've never paid any attention to (or even noticed) what my medic was wearing. But a doctor with a sense of humor and humanity, his/her price is far above rubies.

lovinmyjob said...

I once had a patient say to me, "Wow, you've really gained weight haven't you!?" Why do people think they have a right to comment on my person just because I work in a public arena? I'm a pharmacist not a freakin' supermodel! Not to mention that the patient who said this probably topped 300lbs themselves.

The Mother said...

I have never yet met a neurologist who couldn't benefit from a professional shopper.

C said...

I think it was a form letter and if you do not respond, there will be a second one with a consiliatory tone. (Is there a deodorant commercial that isn't a little insulting? Advertising: create a need.)

 
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