Tuesday, September 8, 2009

I Love You People

Mr. Jackass, I'm sorry we couldn't accommodate your busy schedule to work you in today.

I understand you're frustrated. I mean, I would be too if I'd been walking around since yesterday with slurred speech and mild arm weakness. It's a real pisser that you're having trouble texting your real estate clients with your thumb being clumsy like that.

Yeah, I can guess you had a stroke. I'm a neurologist, and I didn't need you to tell me that. I agree that under most circumstances this would be urgent, but my day is full, and having you walk in and start yelling obscenities at Mary because she told you we were booked solid today doesn't increase your sympathy rating around here.

I'm also sorry you were unable to take the appointment she did offer you, tomorrow morning at 8, because you have a meeting with a homeowner's association. I know those things are important. And you have that finance meeting on Thursday at 1, so you couldn't come in then, either. So I guess I'm seeing you on Friday at 3. I know you told Mary that was unreasonably long to have to wait for a stroke, and I'm sorry. Because of my casual dress habits you obviously didn't guess that the doctor was the guy standing in the lobby next to you, because I'd gone up to refill my water bottle.

Mary suggested, several times, that you go to ER, and I was standing there when you refused because you didn't have time for "that sort of nonsense". I told you to go to ER, too, but when you said "who asked you, Buttinski?" I decided to let you keep thinking I was another patient or a drug rep or something. Mary should get a raise for keeping a straight face.

I bet it would surprise you to know that while you were arguing with Mary I walked back to my office to log into the hospital system to see if you'd been there, and, SURPRISE there you were! It looks like you actually went in yesterday, after you'd finished cleaning your pool, and left AMA. The ER doc clearly documented that he wanted to admit you for an inpatient work-up, and you told him he was being unreasonable because then you'd miss the Labor Day barbecue you'd spent all week preparing for. I hope you didn't burn too many burgers with the bad hand.

I'll see you on Friday. Bet you'll be surprised to see what I'm wearing.

53 comments:

HugeMD said...

Idiot.

If he dies--natural selection.

Unfortunately, his family will probably try to sue the ER doc.

melaine said...

this leaves me practically speechless, to be so consumed with the appts that you have, and the BBQ that you are hosting, than with your own health is ludicrous. What's to say that the there isn't an aneurism there just waiting to happen. I hope you keep us posted as to his reaction when he actually finds out you are the doctor.

Anonymous said...

A frown? Will you be wearing a frown?

"Now, now, Mr. Jackass, that was no way to talk to my Awesome Secretary."

kath8562 said...

Gee, I hope that bleeder in his brain doesn't have a buddy waiting in the wings- or the next place you might see him is in the morgue!

Ashley said...

She'll probably still have no clue that it was you. Those types (so self-centered) never pay any attention to details other than themselves.

I hope you find a way to politely and professionally mention it!!

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I absolutely can not WAIT for Friday's post.

rxgirl said...

Make sure you give him a rectal exam like Dr. House did.

Anonymous said...

What a Douche. Too bad the stroke didn't just take his dumb ass out.

Bonus points for signing out AMA in the ER. I'm impressed. Usually, it's the drug addicts who aren't getting their pain meds quick enough.

Curious, what did Douche think the doctors could do for him sans an inpatient work up? Have Ed lay fins upon him for an instant cure?

Good luck not strangling him on Friday.

LD50 Rat

Becky the Techie said...

LMAO!!! Ohh, that's gonna be a good one...

thegooddrlaura said...

With any luck, he'll lose his ability to speak. (Too bad a stroke doesn't cause a person to lose their ability to be an asshole.)

Rx Intern said...

There are 10 levels of awesomeness right here within this post.

Julie said...

I cant wait for Friday to hear about this guys reaction.
You can introduce yourself - "Hi, I'm Dr Buttinski"

Anonymous said...

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I can tell he prioritizes well. Just imagine when you see him on Friday, he will want a quick cure/fix. I just have to wonder about people, not sometimes, but lately, a lot. Can't wait to see your blog on Friday.

Mary, you are quite a gem, having to put up with such very ignorant, stupid jackasses.

signed, mm

ER's Mom said...

Dipshit. Would you want someone like him representing you in a transaction possibly involving a lot of moula?

Chrysalis Angel said...

Oh, I'd love to see the look on his face when you walk through the door to exam him. See, that's why I like you. You let him say that to you in the waiting room and didn't make a peep about who you were. Love it!

DreamingTree said...

Poetic justice! Please post a follow-up after the appointment. I NEED to hear how he reacts when he walks in to see Dr. Buttinski.

Tex said...

Priorities:

That thing is more important than anything else, at least in your own eyes

Fiz said...

I expect he'll tell God, or more likely the Devil, that he really doesn't have time to be dead either!

Anonymous said...

Is it possible that stroke is in his frontal lobe affecting his judgment?
-whitecap nurse

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Doubt it. Clinical presentation ("Clumsy hand-dysarthria syndrome") suggests lacunar stroke in internal capsule.

jason said...

sweeet!! i cant wait til friday's post!

Serious Replies Only said...

Looking forward to Friday!

winrob said...

I am shocked you were filling YOUR WATER BOTTLE.
looking forward to Friday's follow up on the jack ass

Anonymous said...

okay ,this is for everybody, here.

IS IT FRIDAY YET?

signed, mm

The Lonely Midwife said...

Wish I could say I was honestly amazed but no. And there is no gender discrimination going on in the pompous and self-righteous department.

Yes, I know my cervix is VERY short and funneling and that I am 40+ years old and 29 weeks pregnant with my first child but I have a law office to run--

Good luck Friday!!

Fiz said...

Lonely Midwife - so whatever did she get pregnant for? She won't have time for a baby either and we all know how babies won't change our lives!!! (FOFL!)
(Sign in - diathix - some new medication?)

ERP said...

"Buttinski". LOL

Just Me said...

HAH! I love it! Please let us know how Friday goes :D

Jacqueline said...

So, did he drive himself to your office???

The Good Cook said...

I'm wondering what he wants on Friday? Oh, maybe he doesn't have any plans for the weekend.

moppie said...

We'll all be dutifully reminding you for a post this Friday. For best effect, wear the same outfit you wore when you 1st saw him and carry the waterbottle too just incase he missed your face...

mojitogirl said...

You've just given me a better reason to anticipate Friday!

Sounds like some of our characters in the ER-just don't have TIME to have a stroke or an MI today-maybe tomorrow they'll come back in for the work-up--God FORBID their health issues interrupt their busy schedule.

I like to throw a sheet over them, then tell them "This is you tomorrow---who's going to keep your appointments?"

It makes them THINK......if they have 2 brain cells to rub together!

Crazy Mama said...

So bummed it is onlyWednesday. I love LD50 Rat's suggested instant treatment via Ed. Too funny!!!

Karen said...

Like all the others, I can't wait to hear about Friday, assuming he's still alive.

Anonymous said...

I wonder how many appointments he'll miss if he's...dead?

Perhaps they could have hooked him up to the rotisserie for that BBQ?

Nitwit.

That has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my life.

D

danielle said...

Mary deserves a raise!

Angie said...

Am I the one person in the world who, if I hear my lawyer/real estate agent/whatever has had a major health problem, thinks "Hey! Maybe my meeting can wait!"?

Idiots. Oh well, chlorine for the gene pool.

Amanda said...

I'm adding to your keyboard tally, because I just spit diet coke in mine.

Friday can't come soon enough. Heh.

Beloved Parrot said...

That poor man. And poor Dr. Grumpy.

Joan said...

Denial is the pits.

Anonymous said...

I got $5 on a no-show for Friday, he'll have to get his BMW washed.

peedee said...

"Clinical presentation ("Clumsy hand-dysarthria syndrome") suggests lacunar stroke in internal capsule."

Not that one stroke is better than another, but is this one better than another?? Is it like a TIA?? Is the big one commin??

Lipstick said...

You are so awesome...I love how you stayed incognito.

Chris said...

I'm with anonymous about the no-show...........

The Bus Driver said...

please give us an update on friday.. including you wiping his shit eating grin off his face lol

knitalot3 said...

"Have Ed lay fins upon him for an instant cure?"

OMG! My gut hurts.

Looking forward to Friday.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Why am I the only one who ISN'T lookign forward to Friday here? Hmm...

Anonymous said...

I reckon that the guy is so self centered, arrogant and egotistical that he won't even recognize Dr Grumpy as the buttinsky.

danielle said...

Dr. G - you said you are the only one not looking forward to Friday - I personally cant wait to hear if he even showed up - or if another work-related something took precedence!

Anonymous said...

So....did he show?

>:)

Doris

Bianca Castafiore said...

Jesus. I hope he found someone to see ("besides you" is only implied, of course). You "doubt" that the stroke may have influenced his behavior?

student dr. blaze said...

As interesting as the patient sounds, what I really want to know is how Dr. Grumpy managed to get a water cooler that dispenses Diet Coke....

Mike Looney said...

318.2

Just saying

 
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