Wednesday, August 26, 2009

No Thanks, I'm Trying to Cut Down

Mrs. Oldbird, I'm truly sorry that the medication trial for your husband's Alzheimer's disease caused him to have diarrhea. That is, unfortunately, a known side effect of the drug. I'm glad he got better after we stopped it.

I really do take your word that it gave him the runs. You didn't need to bring in a pickle jar full of his week-old liquid shit to show me. And I really don't want to know what you did to collect it. And I don't need to keep it here to run tests on it. And, if you even THINK about loosening the lid, so help me I'm going to leap over my desk and throw you out the window.

35 comments:

tottergirl said...

You've got some seriously weird people coming through your office!

Gert said...

I so love it when my patients save their poo or their mucous for me....Really, I believe you! I don't actually have to witness it!

The Blumsogi Man said...

How do you know she brought it in to show you? Maybe she just carries it around with her everywhere.

Anonymous said...

Aren't you glade you didn't specialize gastrointestinal diseases. Al tho with your patients you seem to get to see everything no matter what.

GradStudent said...

wow. I'm glad I work in a lab and people don't bring weird "shit" in for us to look at...

question: so do you see people mostly in your office? (as in, the room that your desk is in, with a computer on it, a diet coke at hand, etc.) or do you usually see them in regular exam rooms and then just talk to them, if necessary, in the comfort(able seating) of your office after they've gotten dressed or climbed off the exam table?
just curious. you often mention talking to patients in your office and then you mention desk, chair, window, etc. but never exam tables or stools with wheels.

(I'm just trying to complete my mental picture of "Dr. Grumpy in action in the House")

Theresa said...

Holy Crap! Pun intended. Do people really do this? No wait, what am I saying? I deal with people who think it's all right to live with a 100 cats.

Kudos to you Dr. G for not throwing her out the window.

Call Me Bob said...

mmm... When I read this, only one real possiblity goes through my mind: this woman either knows squat about medicine, believes doctors (or maybe you in particular) are Gods/a God with all the answers, or both. Well, nice to see the "God Complex" is alive and kicking in some... even if it's not in the doctors but the patients.

Phillipia said...

I love your posts...but you already know that...

I know when you have posted, I will laugh and laughter is the best medicine for whatever is ailing me.

Thank you Dr. Grumpy!

Lilorfnannie said...

Oh my goodness- people are so crazy!

Ihanaa said...

Thanks

*puts down snack food and tries not to vomit*

WTF is with your patients this week?

Is it official "Extra Weirdness Week"?

I just may have to take some Zofran. The nausea is just not going away...

I hope she wasn't going to crack that jar open.

*shudder*

LD50 Rat

Anonymous said...

ACk!!!


Noni

One Nurse said...

OMG!! The things some people will do!!!

Anonymous said...

Ewww! Yuck!



L.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Gradstudent- I have an office and a few exam rooms, and see people in one or both, depending on that patient's, and that day's, circumstances.

Fiz said...

Her action was so un-necessary! Having a hard time not upchucking here! Why don't you leave your job and work in a shop? You get the same endless aggravation for no pay! Or you could really herd yaks? Just a though!

Helen said...

At the pharmacy where my Mom works, someone brought in their poop wrapped in a paper towel to show them that they weren't digesting their pills.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Helen, you win. That's even worse.

peedee said...

roflmao!!!!!!!!!

Goose said...

OMG Dr grumpy! I can't believe people actually bring you jars of poo when you haven't asked for a stool sample. That is some messed up shit

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Goose- Literally.

ERP said...

Well, alternatively, she could have had him squat down and defaecate in your office right in front of you to demonstrate it's severity.

Tia said...

Yeppers... I had one little old lady who was fishing the casings of her extended release meds out of her poo ... and... get this... taking them again! Ugh...

I'd have been tempted to keep the jar of poo and wait until she was in the parking lot and then chuck it out the window at her!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Tia, you have now topped both me and Helen. That is just gross.

Helen said...

Good Lord. You definitely win, Tia.

knitalot3 said...

OMG! Recycling meds, now that's bad!

WWWebb said...

Okay.

That's enough.

There will be a test on this next week.

Y'all be sure and study.

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Okay, Mr. Webb, but what do we do with our No. 2 pencils?...

Fiz said...

Eat them? Stick them up our noses? There's so much choice,just from this blog!

DreamingTree said...

LOL - you can tell how much poo I have to deal with as a nurse! I'm just sitting here guzzling diet coke & laughing at all of the comments. Gotta have an iron stomach for this job.

Anonymous said...

Never ceases to amaze me...I'm an ER nurse, and I've been handed pretty much anything that can be expelled from the human body...let's see, stool samples, sputum samples, or worse. What gets me are the containers they come in! One guy brought a sample of his diarrhea in a Tupperware container! Not some cheap-arsed plastic container, mind you, actual brand-named Tupperware. That stuff's expensive! I sincerely hope he threw the thing away afterward.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I don't even know what to comment arouund here anymore. Nutty bastards.

Anonymous said...

WOW! I thought it was bad when one of my patients wanted me and her doc to get the 80 year old, black, calcified lint out of her navel!! So gross!!

Sarah said...

The woman may have had too much experience with going to the vet instead of the doctor. The vets actually ASK you to bring in a stool sample. Maybe he needed to be checked for worms?

Ware are we?? said...

That is soooo discusting!! Like you wouldn't believe her. Too weird!!

Anonymous said...

I think that man came to my pharmacy. His alzheimer's med had been increased and he needed something for the diarrhea since he had changed his pants "already 3 times today". More than I ever needed to know. Sigh.

 
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