Saturday, August 29, 2009

Early Saturday Morning, 12:47 a.m.

I'm deep asleep. My cell phone chimes. A voice message has been left.

Loud music and people talking in background.

"Hello? This is Suzy Kyoo. I see Dr. Grumpy for migraines and I'm out with my girlfriends and some asshole stepped on my foot and the nail polish came off my big toe and the nail is really brown and gross when I looked at it and I showed it to the bartender and he said he thinks it's like some sort of fungus or something nasty like that and I'm not sure if it's safe to paint over it again and I once saw this TV ad for pills or a spray or lotion or something like that to treat toenail fungus and I've got a date on Saturday night and I don't want to scare the guy off with this disgusting toenail and I was wondering if Dr. Grumpy could call in some of the toenail stuff I saw advertised on TV for me and hey Cindy can you get me another daiquiri I'll pay you back Monday at work oh I love this song I'm gonna go dance to it hang on let me get off the phone."

22 comments:

Fiz said...

As my husband just said, sheesh! I hope she has the hangover from hell today and her date doesn't fancy her! How the hell can people do such things? We in the UK have a number for sudden possible emergencies(not 999 - it's the same as your 911)and a duty doctor will advise on what you should do. Or need not do. I can safely say though, if you ring at that time of the morning for such a thing, he will tear strips of skin from you! Can't you get a call minder?

Michelle said...

Congratulations on your first drunk dial from a patient. :)

Grumpy, M.D. said...

Oh, in 11 years I've had many. Believe me.

WWWebb said...

Maybe those "death panels" aren't such a bad idea after all.

In some parts of the South the phrase
" He needed killin' " is a valid defense in a court of law.

Danielle said...

You couldn't make this stuff up.

CrownedwithVictory said...

I bet all her migraines are on Saturday and Sunday mornings.

Chris@Maugeritaville said...

I think I went to school with Susie Kyoo's brother Curly and sister Poole.

Oh, and before I forget, Theresa and I absolutely cracked up at your comment on her blog . . . about the kidnapping to Target and PetSmart. Hilarious.

mommanator said...

well I hope her migraine medicine loves the alcohol! and also treats the toenail grud!

rxgirl said...

I would never dare call my doctor for anything off hours unless my eyes are bleeding and that's calling the service. I didn't know I can ask for personal cell number. People can be so inconsiderate and just plain stupid.

Btw...just found your blog recently and love reading it! You are one cool doctor!!! keep it coming.

ER's Mom said...

You should call in some OCPs instead.

Yeah, I know about the migraine contraindication...

John Woolman said...

malignant melanoma?

S3XinthePantry said...

Well, if he's going to hold toenail fungus against her, is he a guy worth dating?

Seriously - she showed it to the BAR TENDER? And she's calling a neurologist about her toe nail?

What is with some people?????

Ed Adams said...

I say, call her back in the morning----bright and early when she's trying to sleep off the booze----and tell her you think that the toenail will have to be removed. Preferably before her date.

Theresa said...

Hey Dr. G. So, like, did she ever get her fungus cream? And if she did, are you like the one that gave it to her? And did she like ever call you back and like tell you that you're so totally her hero? Because seriously, if her toe was brown and gooey than that would so screw up her date. And then she would so totally have to call you to get some anti-depressants. And then...

I hate to admit it, but when I was growing up in the 80's, we all talked like that. Scary!!

Grumpy, M.D. said...

I like didn't call her back and figure she won't remember and if she does I'll say she never called me and maybe she'll think she had a wrong number and wonder who's machine she left it on.

I know. And Def Leopard is touring right now.

Barb said...

I'm surprised too, that she had your cell phone number. Can I have your cell phone number? I never want to call my docs about stuff. Wouldn't want to bother them, ya know. But if you're taking calls!!! (BTW, my toenails look great, but I do have a blood blister (see my blog if the curiosity is killing you)).

Grumpy, M.D. said...

The patients don't have my cell phone number.

After giving up on overpriced answering services staffed by idiots, I just started rolling the office phone over to my cell after hours. So now the calls just go to my voicemail, and then I can return them (or in this case, not return them).

Oddly, I find I get fewer calls this way then I did with an answering service, and have been quite happy with it.

thegooddrlaura said...

and it's cheaper than paying an answering service!

H the IH said...

Maybe you need to rethink that plan, Dr. Grumpy.

H the IH

Esmerelda said...

I worked for a GP for 5 years so I know. The morning answering service retrieval was the *best* part of my day.

Anonymous said...

Dr. Grumpy in the house:

Jack-of-all-trades! Who Knew?

knitalot3 said...

I completely agree about the OCPs. It would be worth it and it might even help the toe fungus. (You'd think the bartender would have thought of that!)

 
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