Monday, March 1, 2021

When in doubt, cut it out

Dr. Grumpy: "Have a seat... So what can I do for you?"

Ms. Calgerepep: "I'm not sure I'm in the right place... I thought I was supposed to see a brain surgeon."

Dr. Grumpy: "That's definitely not me. What were you referred for?"

Ms. Calgerepep: "I have migraines."

Dr. Grumpy: "Actually, I do handle that. You are at the right doc."

Ms. Calgerepep: "What do you do for migraines?"

Dr. Grumpy: "Well, we can get into more detail on that later, after I take your history, but there's a large number of medication options."

Ms. Calgerepep: "I don't want medications. I just want the migraines taken out."

Dr. Grumpy: "I understand that, but treatment is really more finding the right medication for each person, why don't you tell me..."

Ms. Calgerepep: "See this is why I wanted to see a brain surgeon. I want someone who can just go in there and take the migraines out."

Dr. Grumpy: "Migraine treatment doesn't work that way, unfortunately. There really isn't a specific thing to take out."

Ms. Calgerepep: "Now you're lying to me. You just want to be able to bill me, when you aren't even the right doctor. We both know I need a brain surgeon to fix them."

Dr. Grumpy: "Ma'am, I promise you that..."

Ms. Calgerepep: "You must be in this with my family doctor. I'm out of here."

She leaves, slams door.

21 comments:

Reds Kevin said...

And now that you have a migraine how are you going to treat it?

Andy Syms said...

W.T.F. !!!

John Woolman said...

There is even a book on it “Migraine Surgery By: Guyuron Bahman, Editor, Published by: Thieme Medical Publishers Inc, New York, New York, 2018, Hardcover: 124 pp. Price: $199.99 ISBN: 9781626236929”. I think I’ll stick to triptans...

Anonymous said...

When you take out the migraines, insert some common sense.

Anonymous said...

Well, yes. It's a conspiracy to treat the problem!

Pre-emptive self (down) selection. A prospective problem patient who so diligently emulates the Thane of Cawdor is a blessing upon any practice she does not join.

Packer said...

Quite innocently I made a recommendation to a friend, she no longer calls.

https://www.practicalpainmanagement.com/patient/conditions/headache/treating-migraines-masturbation

Anonymous said...

I bet the FDA would get all bent out of shape if you tried selling home trepanation kits, though.

bobbie said...

Pt. w/ TSTL syndrome...

jimbo26 said...

Thing with migraine(s) is to find what the trigger is . In my case - potato(es) which I haven`t eaten in 40 years (not even potato chips) .

Ms. Donna said...

Oh, please. Those things are so bad, pts would go for the home trepanation kit. Sans anesthesia.

JAB said...

Today I would let someone cut my migraine out on the kitchen table with a rusty spoon.

greenhall said...

I totally looked at my electric drill for a really long time once...

Antibubba said...

Packer, by that logic my migraines should have stopped when I was 13!
...

They largely stopped when I became a daily coffee drinker, a fact I only realized when I tried to stop all caffeine intake. After about a week and a half I had my first migraine in 5 years.

Brian said...

It's a waste of valuable time, but maybe she does need to see a brain surgeon just to get rejected by them. Could bill her double to compensate for the lost opportunity.

LG said...

With her stupidity she may need the surgeon. I would hope a tumor would be the cause of that level of stupidity and not just being plain stupid. I second the people who said they'd gladly have them taken out with a rusty spoon and looked for the electric drill. I know I've just smashed my head into concrete walls because that seemed to feel better.

LG said...

And she's probably married to that dude that was yelling for ketamine.....

The Immortal Jinotega said...

"My best friend just married a heart surgeon. So the whole point of this exercise is for ME to meet a brain surgeon I can marry, just to one-up her."

Me said...

Do other doctors get patients like this or are you just a looney-toon magnet?

On the other hand, could you give her my number & ask her to call if she finds a brain surgeon who'll do it? I'm fed up with my migraines 😉

Tam said...

Can you take mine out, it's been there for a week with no sign of easing. Gotta love medication changes. If only surgical removal were truly an option 😂

Anonymous said...

I understand frontal lobotomies cure a whole world of ills.

Anonymous said...

My mom used to get migraines, I can remember my dad pushing on her head trying to give her relief. When I asked why she got headaches she told me it's something grown ups get. I thought then that when I grew up I wasn't going to get headaches. I am 73 years old and probably have had a dozen headaches my entire life and I count my blessings. lots of other things wrong with me but not headaches.

 
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